Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Day 41: In the Arms of My Beloved

I have been resisting writing of late. It is amazing when I write I do come alive and I discover that is one source of renewing myself (besides my twinflame connection). I have been going through so much in the last week in terms of feeling exhausted and just really drained. As I step back and look at it, what I do know to be true is that it has a lot to do with my vibration. I am such a high vibrational being that the exhaustion I am experiencing is how the chaos of humanity at this time is affecting me. I am so impacted by the energy of others hence my sensitivity. It used to be I would pick up on other people's stuff and it would impact my thoughts and feelings in a negative way(I guess you can say I jumped on the bandwagon of their thinking--often not knowing or realizing it, but over the last several years I realized it and learned to not take it on). The difference now is that behavior from others (negative thinking and feelings being thrown out all over the place in the world right now) doesn't affect me the same; instead it is causing my energy to become drained and exhausted.

Anyway, I preface my twin stuff with the above information so that you understand where I am coming from. Much has happened and not happened on the twinfront so here we go in playing a bit of catchup with you all. On my way home last week from doing readings at a Mardi Gras event, (been doing them for the last four years, it used to be fun because I get to dress up like a gypsy, but this time the people's energy was pretty heavy.) I was talking with a friend on the phone and this energy just came over me. I knew it was him. I knew it was my twinflame. When I arrived home, I went to my computer and it confirmed for me it was him, I saw him online. I was blocked so he didn't see me, but I could see him. He was looking for me. I could feel it. OMG, I wanted so badly to talk with him, but I stopped myself from staying online. Instead, I logged off to go to bed and I felt he knew I went online and logged off even though he couldn’t see me. WOW! That is huge because that means his awareness of energy and his awareness of me is growing. He is open and he is feeling me. When I got into bed, I could feel him next to me. I could hear him. He wanted to know why I didn't want to talk with him. It isn't that I don't want to talk with him, I want to talk with him, but the thing is that I didn’t think I could. I mean, I need him to be ready to be with me fully not just the phone calls we have had in the past. I need more from him--I know he knows it too. It was like torture. I fell asleep longing for him, but I felt his arms around me and I was okay in that moment.

I woke up the next day having an energy hangover if you will from the night before. (That happens often when I am so high in the energy and then I come back down to earth if you will.) That night I taught a class, I came home exhausted. (I love teaching, but sometimes I feel I it is too much for me to do. I don’t think my students realize just how much energy I expend teaching them. Is it because it is work for me? No, teaching is a natural talent for me, but for me to maintain my vibration with all the different energies in my classes—for a lack of a nicer way of saying it, their stuff effects me in not such a good way so it turns into me feeling drained afterward.) I came home and cried exhausted from the energy of the class and carrying the vibration for so many, not just my class.

Things are changing for me I feel it. I mean I remember my guides telling me in one of my channels that my mission would change. I believe it is in the process of changing. I believe that the time to reunite with my twinflame is getting nearer for me. Once my twinflame arrives, then my mission will change to reflect our work as a twinflame couple. When I think of it that way it helps me to understand why my twinflame is not with me as of yet fully, his vibration is being raised, his awareness is shifting and well he is needing to reach the point where he too can be a lightworker and carry out his mission. Of course, when I think of the work we will do when we come together, it will be much easier than any work I have done thus far. However, for him, it will be new and different, but I promise him it will be more fun than any work he is doing now. The twinflames job is to make love, be love, live love wherever we go sharing it for the world. (I defer you to my previous channel called “All IS AS IT SHOULD BE” from April of last year.)

That night and the next couple of days I really released emotions. I feel as though I am not being replenished anymore. My work seems to be draining me. I feel like the only thing that will replenish me is being with my twinflame. I need you! My conclusion after all the tears when I rebalanced me was that being in the arms of my beloved appears to be the only thing that will replenish me. Even though over the last several years I have experienced numerous types of emotions with him, because of him; it has always been the same thing; no matter what the one thing that man does for me is give me strength to go on. Hearing his voice makes me come alive, seeing his name on the computer makes me come alive. I feel better when I talk with him. (He has told me that too!) I am truly missing my human connection to him as difficult as it has been in the past; I am contemplating whether it is worth it or not to allow that human connection back in to assist me on my path at this point. The problem isn’t him, the problem isn’t me….the problem is that in the past he has not been ready fully to really “be” with me. Letting him back in may be more of the same because if things have changed, then wouldn’t he just email me or call me or show up on my doorstep?

I don’t feel okay without him anymore. I need him…I need you! Perhaps, I need him more now than I ever have…perhaps the time is near for him to be here for me too.

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