Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Day 11 of Our 45 Day Journey



Good Morning Beautiful Being of Light,

I was preparing for this morning’s class message as I do every day, but I have to preface it with saying that I was mistreated in my physical healing since the beginning of my car accident. I also had many people tell me I wasn’t in pain and that I was struggling when I only needed to choose love, change my thoughts and I would be fine.  By the way—hard to choose love, change your thoughts, when you cannot speak/express fully due to a concussion, have lack of sleep for 3 months and in constant, excruciating pain with no end or care in sight—yes that is just a bit of what I underwent for nearly two years.  I was victimized horribly by the medical profession and lack of care. But long after I continued to stay trapped in that energy to some degree.  It has only been since I have been thinking more clearly, the last couple of months (the symptoms are beginning to clear up—thank heavens!), that I realized I allowed (did you catch that ?), I allowed them (the medical world, people who didn’t understand my pain, people who couldn’t possibly comprehend what I was going through clients and friends included) to get in my head and keep me feeling unworthy, a burden and crazy.

Now, if you have been with me on this journey—you know that I have questioned everything and appeared nothing like a victim, but inside of me I tended to beat me up. I tended to hold the victim mentality to a small extent, but nonetheless I have held it by way of forgetting what I already knew to be true.  Now, I do understand that there were things I did not have full control of and the medical system is set up to victimize people.  They want to create victims whether they are consciously aware of it or not and they do whether it be the full fledged victim behavior/mentality or like I did—forget the knowledge I had deep within me.   

I share my story with you so that you can understand there are times we all get caught up in the trap of it—we live in a society that embraces victimization and drama.    Now saying all the above,  please know I am well aware that things happen out of our control, but we have to remember we have the power to overcome it once the "situation" has happened.  It may mean work to change our view/thought/perception of what has happened.  I have done it many times in my past about many different things that have happened to me throughout my life.  Now, the new lesson for me is with regard to the Medical World and how I am here to speak my truth and change things—not how they will determine for me who I am.  This is really deeper than I expected to go when I started writing this morning.  I hope it bring some enlightenment to you as well.
 
I realize that there are some things out of my control, but now that I am thinking more clearly, I need to get a handle on what it is that I can do.  I am noticing there are many people around me that have been accepting less than they deserve too perhaps with a similar victim mentality without even noticing it.  Hmmm...really interesting perception.   Really some work to go in changing the energy.  It is time for a shift!  I'm ready.

Love and light,
EstaRa




Day 10 of my 45 Day Journey

I performed a house clearing today for the first time in quite some time.  Boy, I found myself second guessing practically everything I was doing. This paying attention to my thoughts really matters and is showing me some real changes!  It really does make me realize that I have to rebuild from all the negative energy that I have been surrounded in for nearly 2 years.  When I look back it is so easy to see how I got stuck.  If you don't already know, I had the absolute worse health care for about a year (if you can even call it health care).  And well from that point forward the negativity piled in--not for others so much as for myself--you know beating oneself up?  Not trusting my own judgment. I am sure that comes from the fact that I had a pretty bad concussion--I mean I couldn't process words and I couldn't even speak for that matter--I sounded like robot--and you all that know me...know I sound anything, but like a robot.

Life can be such a messy journey...time to clean it up! I got this image of old Orbit Gum commercials--dirty mouth, clean it up.  hahaha

Anyway, I realize today that I need to re-learn how to trust myself again...that is what negative self talk has created in me--fear of trusting myself.  This is a lesson that is invaluable and grateful that doing this 45 days is having me pay attention without my full conscious awareness just what is happening inside of me.  What is going on in my head. Wow...what a lesson!

Monday, November 24, 2014

Day 9 of my 45 Day Journey

Good Day Everyone,

I went to a funeral Saturday.  I haven't been to funeral in like five years.  Last year during my incapacitation due to the car accident, I had three very dear people die and I was unable to attend their closing.  I love that they called the "event" today the Celebration of this person's life, but I have to say that it was anything, but that.  It has been a long time since I have been in a church and you know what? I don't miss it.  I love the magic I live every day.

The church was cold (and yes, I know it is expensive to heat a church), but that feels unwelcoming.  The church's set up was one where to enter the "pew" (I don't even know if that is the spelling of the word) you had to open the gate.  Now I don't know the real meaning for that, but it made you feel like it was a privilege to enter the gate and then the altar was up on where you were lower.  I really have to say that the messages that I felt there were anything, but welcoming and love.  I did however, enjoy some of the passages that were read and if I could remember any of them, I would share them with you.  Of course what I loved about it, was the symbolic meaning of the words spoken--not the meaning that I am sure the church wishes for all to believe. 

Anyway, I have to say that I have been trying to write my blog since Saturday night and I kept getting interrupted by life and then there was Sunday.  Good weather by far beats out sitting in front of computer anytime besides it is a great way to change the energy to a positive one.  It is great way to clear away negative by switching it up a bit. 

I found that sitting idle at home made for me to think of things that made me sad--think about the things I do not have, things I have longed for, things I have waited for that have not yet arrived.  The best way for me to refocus was to go outside by the beach and sit on a rock and breathe.


Friday, November 21, 2014

Day 6 of 45 Day Journey


Good Day!

I have been extremely overwhelmed the last couple of days--experiencing extreme headaches and body pains...it is quite overwhelming really.  This is Day 6 of our Journey together.  May you each find balance in your life and change the way things are for the better.  I have to admit for me it has been a bit of a struggle as I have not felt well the last few days—body pain always seems to get me down and it takes extra effort to be present with myself, but as always I am a creation in progress.  Notice I used the word creation, rather than work in progress?  Work signals my brain and the universe that life must be work…I’d rather have life be a creation so I chose words that resonate more deeply in my soul. Besides with creation, there  is always change involved. :)

I am finding that it has been particularly hard to consciously change my thoughts when my body is undergoing pain. (I'm referring to the first day when I was able to walk myself through a belief.) For the record, since my car accident I have been in pain every day of my life; it is just that it has become my new normal.   But when I complain or state that I have been experiencing pain, such as I just did,  it is simply much more difficult or painful than my new normal.  I didn't write the last few days because I have spent so much time at physical therapy, doctor appointments and then I was just too tired to sit upright.  

What I have noticed is that simply because I am not consciously evaluating my life and experiences,
doesn't mean that I don't have revelations; as a matter of fact, I have been noticing that some of my friends are stuck in the same loop of negativity.  They don't see it as such because they are so enmeshed in it.  It didn't occur to me how much of a rut some of them are in, which in essence, keeps me in a similar rut; even if I am trying to change me and my thoughts--if I stay surrounded by people who are not trying to change themselves then I will remain stuck just the same, and it will recycle itself.  WOW!!  Big work ahead for me and perhaps big changes too!   I can't speak for those friends, but I can speak for me--I wish to be in a better place by year's end and next year's beginning so I will roll up my sleeves and start paying attention a little better.

By the way, today's exercise for this class is about grounding.  You cannot expect to change your reality, particularly if you are not grounding your reality to the earth.  Without grounding, your dreams are like a balloon in the sky floating around with the whims of the wind; where as with  grounding, your dreams are anchored right where you are--therefore, manifesting everything there.  




As a special this month, I am offering my Guided Grounding Meditation for $10.00. Next month, the price will be going up to $20.00. This meditation will calm you, balance you and help you to be more present in your life, expand your intuition and begin your journey into meditation. It will help you feel more grounded and centered when performed for a minimum of once per day.  Buy Now  

 In addition, you are invited to join in the journey, 45 Days to Releasing Negativity in your life.  There is still time to join until November 30th.  The email class which provides tools for removing negativity in your life, tools for changing your thoughts, tools to refocus yourself and tools for letting go began on Sunday, November 16th and will end on Wednesday, December 31st.   The small fee click here to buy includes a daily email directly to your inbox as noted above and all previous emails leading up to the day of your purchase.


Catch you on the other side of Negativity---that would be Positive-Life Changing-Dreams Manifested side!

Love EstaRa


Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Day 3 of 45 Days of Releasing Negativity



This morning I am going to share a snippet of information with you from Yeshua.  This was from a channel I recently did over the weekend.  Here it is:

Several years ago, I would often go to Our Lady of Lourdes Shrine, in Litchfield, CT for peace and sanctuary particularly when I lived in Bristol. I would often take someone with me to experience the peace and beauty,  but truly I preferred to go there alone I got more out of it for me.  So one day (gosh it has to be 10-12 years ago now), I was walking down the "Stations of the Cross" (for those of you who do not know what that is, to put it as simply as possible it is a path that resembles the story of Jesus from death to resurrection).  Near the end of the "Stations", Yeshua (Jesus prefers to be called his Hebrew name) greeted me and walked with me.  "I am the way."  He must have repeated it three times before I stopped to listen to him and understood, really understood for the first time ever!

He said:

"I am the way.  I am (not me the person), but the "I AM" is the way. This is the divinity of God within you and it is your power to create in this earthly realm. Whatever words, thoughts, feelings you place after the words "I AM" creates your reality in the physical world you live in."   ~Yeshua

This was by far one of the most profound experiences I have had with Yeshua.  It taught me so much, I remember crying and being really excited with this information, but I had no one to share it with.  Back then, I was still transitioning out of my old life and burgeoning on birthing my new life. The message above is just as significant today as it was back then.   Yeshua is here with me now with another message for humanity. And today, Yeshua stood beside me to fill in the gaps and to add more information for me, for us. 

"It will take you many years to fully comprehend and embody this truth for you will have to undergo deconstruction of a program that has been deeply embedded in your DNA and cellular memory, for when you have incarnated into human form on this planet, you have taken on the prevailing consciousness and your job is to rise above that consciousness to help humanity change the very consciousness that is holding them back.  I will assist you dear one, to reclaim your divinity and essence of light that you are, and have been taught to believe you are not.  You are not a sinner from birth, for you are the light and love of God, the creator of all. As humanity begins to awaken and question what they have been told to believe the more quickly the energy will move upon the planet and the more quickly consciousness will begin to resemble the light that you are.  Your powers of creation are more magnificent than you can imagine from your limited human perspective. Look into your heart and begin to see the transformation of your very being." –Yeshua


Something to truly ponder, what words do you put after your “I am”?   This is journal worthy—take a gander and make a list.  I know one of mine is “I am tired.”  I have to find a new way to convey I am tired perhaps coming up with something like “I feel energized”…Maybe I can reprogram a tired body to feel energized with that simple of words. 

It is hard to get into a new habit and say you are fine when quite frankly, you are not. I struggle with this everyday because since my car accident I have not had one day free of pain in my body.  However, my belief is to not "feed" the energy what you do not want so I don't always say what is happening in me, but then when I go to the doctors I struggle because I don't think I convey enough how bad my body feels.  This has been such a difficult journey because to deal with the medical world, you must over and over again present the same information --nothing like keeping you stuck and locked into a diagnosis.  I try to use words to describe what is going on with me avoiding the "I am".  Yesterday was a tough day for me---I feel like time is moving more quickly than I can keep up with and find their is little time for the things I want to do so I am going to make more of an effort to make time for me by accomplishing a few things that need to get out of the way.   This is short but brief.....will check in later or tomorrow.

Monday, November 17, 2014

Day 2 of 45 Days of Releasing Negativity

Good Morning World,

Last night I asked for dreams for clarity of messages that I have not gotten or have not understood. I kept dreaming something about soap making.  I will not bore you with the details, but I will tell you what I learned from the dreams last night is that I am always, ALWAYS willing to help everyone else achieve their goals and dreams--and yes I am a Spiritual Coach, Teacher and Intuitive Healer, but I tend to put everyone in front of me.  I tend to put others needs above my own especially when I am working with clients.  I don't hold tight to my boundaries.  Why is that?

For example:  When I am working with a client, I am totally focused on their needs and forgo the extra time I need between clients or my need to each lunch; that is by my choice. Over the years I've gotten better about taking care of myself, like scheduling the appropriate amount of time in between sessions; however, my clients fail to recognize how important my time is.  Often a client will overstay their time slot, (now since I am not nearly working as I did in the past due to my car accident--it isn't like I have another appointment waiting to come in and that cuts the client of.  Now it is more of an effort on my part to uphold my boundaries.), the reality is that my time is just as valuable as anyone else's and I should be charging for the additional questions/time, but sometimes I don't.  Their choosing to stay longer, talk more when it is clearly the end of the session interferes with my needs.  It frustrates me because often I need time to go rest, eat my lunch before going off to an appointment.  Once in awhile is one thing, but often clients can border on abusive taking advantage of because they do not know their own boundaries.  Is it their fault?  No, it is mine for not being more clear about what my needs are.  This is something I discovered this morning lying in my bed.  

I laid in bed trying to understand what the thoughts are, you know, the ones that carry such deep weight in me, but I am hardly aware of.  I really spent a good hour laying in bed and "analyzing me" to discover the root of this.  Once I got started, it got easier for me to figure out the root of why I don't put my needs ahead of others.  By the way, think of the Airplane Analogy:  "...make sure to put the oxygen mask on yourself first before attempting to help someone else put on theirs."  This is significant! 

Here was my discovery in a shortened version:  The first thought is that I need to help others.  The second thought is that others are more important to me.  The third thought was that is what my mother and father do. The fourth thought came to how it is more important to be a martyr that to want or need something. (That thought/belief was taught by the religion I grew up in).  The fifth thought, came by way of the second thought, I am not good enough.  The sixth thought, came by way of the fifth, if I am not good enough then I am definitely not worthy.  WOW!  Is all I can say....It never occurred to me that I didn't feel worthy enough to put my own needs ahead of me because I feel I am not good enough.  How do I unlearn that belief?  I have to check to see if it is valid.  What would make me not good enough?  Who determines what is good enough?  In this instance, I can go back to my childhood religion and upbringing.   The first sign of invalidity of this belief is that I don't believe in that religion any longer because I have come to accept that it is not along the lines of my soul's truth.  The second sign is that I am an adult now and can objectively look at my parents and see that this is a belief they held about themselves and it spanned over into my upbringing, thereby, I learned it to be my truth. The key is I learned it; therefore, it can be unlearned since it is not truth to my soul. Wow, what a processing session this morning with myself was!

Oy...I have to get moving--this writing is taking a bit longer than I expected. Stay tuned for tomorrow's update on my journey.