Friday, January 27, 2012

Day 11: Somewhere in Time

I wasn't able to write this yesterday because I was crying so much. When I woke up yesterday, I was a little under the weather and napped on and off all day. Of course, I don't know about you, but if you have a million and one things to do, you do them even if you are sick or you at least attempt to do them. So at one point yesterday, I grabbed a hold of my mail. Now in case you do not know, I often pick up my mail and put it in a pile on my desk (if you saw my desk you will know what I mean!).

I walked over to my and began to open it. Recently, I ordered a movie from Amazon, Illusion. So as I started to pour through my pile of mail, I found that movie, but I had found a second package that felt like a movie from too. I hadn't noticed it until now that there were two envelopes from Amazon. (I know that tells you how ungrounded I am when I get my mail! hahaha) I opened the Illusion movie and then I grabbed the other one...and the other movie was Somewhere in Time. I didn't order it. It just found its way to my house. I was obviously gifted it, but there wasn't a note or anything in there, simply the movie was there.

At the first look at the movie cover I started to cry. I have seen this movie before and I loved it when I saw it, but I cried like a baby when I saw it back in the late 80's before I met my twinflame (I was only a teen). I cried because I remember the beauty of this movie.

Then, I sat down as I cried and I looked at the cover and saw the following words: "He sacrificed his present for love in the past". OMG I cried. And cried. And cried. (Did I tell you that I cried?) I didn't know what to first feeling was someone has been reading my blog and sent it to me because it is a Twinflame movie and they know it. Then I thought OMG they think I am sacrificing my life (the present) waiting...wasting my time waiting for my twin to wake up and what a tragedy. Then, I went to the emotions of maybe someone saw the movie and thought of me. They understood. They understand. EstaRa needs to know she is not alone and she needs to know others honor her and believe in her.

I don't know who sent it to me, but I am grateful. I am truly grateful for the gift, the love of someone who cares so deeply for me to let me know I am not alone, even if they do not want the acknowledgement, I am truly grateful for knowing that I am loved, appreciated and my writing about this journey of mine is not fruitless. Love and thank you, thank you.

The day went on and I felt a little better and put the thought beside. Then last night I was checking my email and friend of mine sent out a mail with the you tube theme song from the movie, Somewhere in Time. OMG I started to cry again and I realize there is a message in there somewhere. I talked to a friend this morning and she suggested that perhaps I need to watch the movie and maybe there is a message for me in it. I have to admit I am afraid to watch it. I told my friend that if I watch it I worry that I will cry and not come out of the tear storm that will come down my face.

This whole thing really undid me!! (by the way, I believe I am PMS'ing hence the undoing of is always easier on hormones! NOT!) Today, I feel better and I feel clearer that I should watch this movie, but I am teaching class tonight, tomorrow and Sunday I am doing readings so it is not likely for me to watch until Monday. I will keep you posted on when I watch this and what the message may be....or if any of you have a thought as to why I was given the movie and sent an email with the theme music from the movie..I'd love to hear it...

for now...I hold the faith that it is soon. (If you have not seen this movie, you should totally see it especially if you are experiencing a twinflame thing of your own.)

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