Sunday, January 22, 2012

Birds Arrived

I sit here this morning looking out my picture window. Yes, again...I don't have curtains on my living room window because I can't afford a curtain rod that big right now. So it is completely open for me. I have to say that I honestly like it completely open despite the fact that it may make this room a little more cold than normal. I get this beautiful show of nature right before my eyes. I mean I have been sitting here getting ready to write to you all and I have been sidetracked by the show the birds and squirrels are putting on for me. I don't remember ever seeing nature as amazing at I am seeing it right now, right here. Probably because windows are usually covered in the window to keep out the cold or because windows are not the focus of the room. Yes, I have a television, but I hardly ever have that on. Instead, I watch the nature show right outside my window. I love it. It keeps me in the mode of enjoy moment to moment.

I woke up this morning with thoughts of my twin. (When I use the word twin, I am almost always referring to my twinflame as I do not have a biological twin just a soul twinflame.) I always feel him ethereally. I woke with the sensation that he was in bed next to me. I felt his arms around me, holding me. I didn't want to open my eyes to I could continue to experience the feeling a little while longer. So I slept in late today. I even saw glimpses of him sleeping in this morning too. I saw his soft smile as he lay in bed peacefully sleeping. I love that smile. It brings tears to my eyes to think about his smile; I haven't seen his smile in person since June 2011. This is the longest it has been since I have seen him in a few years because for awhile there he made time to see me. Now, he tells me it is too difficult to make time, but I know better. What I know is that it is too difficult for him to feel all the love he feels for me. The beauty and curse for him is that he loves me. And, he can't hide it anymore. He feels it all the time and when he sees me it pains him to know how much he loves me and is not with me. I feel honored that his love is so powerful, but at the same time I feel so hurt that he would rather not be with me at this time because of the fears he has of changing his life. I will stop there because today I am not wanting to go down that emotional path may creep up later, but I don't want to bring it to the forefront..back to watching the birds. By the way, the birds are all black with the exception of the two blue jays that arrived...thank you blue jays. Here is a message about the animal totem blue jay...

"Blue jay animal symbolism resonates truth, faithfulness, and solidarity because they are vigilant in their tasks. They also keep the same mate for life, which is symbolic of endurance, patience and loyalty. The jay is an excellent symbol for those wishing to honor their long-lasting bond between friends, family and lovers." Excerpt from the website:

Appropriate me thinks as I type this about my beloved twinflame....and again, did you notice the word faithfulness there? Hmm....someone is trying to get me to hold on....

I am so grateful for the show nature is putting on for me so that I have something beautiful to focus upon all day.

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