Thursday, December 24, 2015

Day 39 of 45 Day Journey: Worthiness

Hello Everyone,

It is a cloudy Christmas Eve Morn and the temperatures in CT are far from the typical snowy Christmas and quite honestly—I don’t feel Christmas in the air.  I had to go out last night to get last minute gifts and do you know I could easily maneuver going in and out of the stores without any trouble.  Oh and the parking spaces were right by the door.  I truly have never experienced that.  This year there seems to be a lot of things happening to extricate people out of the old energies/situations/relationships/careers etc so I think that adds to the lack of holiday spirit I sense.  I also feel we are on the brink of major change and transformation--which isn't always comforting--but I do recommend you look forward to it. 

Anyway, I hope the magic of the holiday will spark something inside of each of you…for me watching Miracle on 34th Street the other night helped with it, and I watched a Christmas movie in the background of wrapping gifts last night.  It is quite amazing really when you think about how we can change our mood from one of doom and gloom to one of love and excitement for the future. (I have to admit this has been the hardest week for me to stay in the positive.  A lot has gone wrong, but a lot has gone good too and I don’t forget that….it is just that I am ready for miracles to really happen, how about you?  I will be glad to put closure to the last three years of my life. I am going to go forward to look at February 14th of 2016 as closure from my accident on the same date of 2013.  My focus is that life will look, feel, be different than it is at this moment and all in the positive and wonderful way that it can be!)

Id like to share a story with you for today and it goes along with the theme of manifesting dreams from the class I am teaching on the 45 Days to Transformation.   What did you  discover the other day on your list to what may be blocking you?  Feelings? Did you sit with what came up?  Fears?  It is time to relay them back to where they belong….what belief do you hold about YOU (not the situation) that you think may be blocking you?  This is a hard step that we sometimes can’t get out of our own way with.

I had an epiphany this morning as I preparing for today’s lesson and class  that I needed to revisit worthiness

for myself.  With all the work I have done on me, I do recognize that I am valuable, a necessary piece of the puzzle, worthy of all I desire and more.  Now I have always known that in my head, I even felt I understood it fully about myself.  It is easy for me to understand it for others, but what I recognize today is that I need to feel it inside of me again—I need to reconnect with that part of me often—not just when it strikes me or when I have an epiphany.  I have definitely had moments of awareness and worthiness over the last several years of my life, particularly since 2011.  I thank you all my beautiful friends for helping me to feel it and assisting me on my journey to worthiness.  The clearing of my past and the unworthiness chain has followed me around for sometime…I am ready now to release another layer. I am ready and willing to release my need to feel unworthy. I am ready to accept I am good enough.  I am worthy. I am worthy of all that I desire. I am worthy because I am.  This is the underlying belief that I discovered –hidden beneath what came up for me is “feelings of not good enough, translating to worthiness.” 

Back in 2012, I ran a class on Manifesting Your Dreams through using your thoughts. I had taught a similar class to this in the past, but this time I allowed my guides to teach it.   I mean I channeled everything I talked about. I even remember the second week of the class, I said to my students. I know you had homework, how was it?  What was it?  I seriously didn't remember anything I had said or taught that day, but the message that was clear to me is that there are certain core beliefs each of us developed as young children and incorporated them as part of us.  And, it is time to let them go.  (Tip for you---what core belief no longer serves you?  Look at the signs, particularly messages from your homework the other day, in your life and see where that is stuck and really look into the layers of things that are stuck.  You may need assistance with this step many of us do---I’d be happy to help you, but you must be willing to do the work for when we work together the energy gets moving rapidly. )

I gave my students homework to get to the core belief that was underlying the difficulty they were having in achieving what it is they were wanting.  As you all know, I don't ever give homework to clients or students that I have not done myself so I understand what it is I am giving each of you.  Now, I have noticed that so many people need to first fall in love with themselves.  They often tell me that they love themsleves, but I can feel the lack of love for themselves even with their speaking it.  Loving yourself requires you to be able to look deep within your soul by connecting with your eyes and telling you that you love you (This is the exercise I had given you previously about establishing a soul connection by looking at your eyes and speaking to the little girl or boy inside of you.  Say the following: I love and accept myself just as I am. And watch how magic happens.) 

For me that part I can honestly say I got down I can truly look in the mirror and say I love me and really mean it and feel it.  However, as we all know we have layers of stuff (healing that needs to clear).  So I took notice during this class that one of the themes that kept coming up for me was worthiness.  I felt unworthy.  When the physical class ended, I have continued to work with my students in weekly 15-20 minute check in phone conferences.  During our first phone call, I asked them to hold me accountable for my homework of working on my worthiness as I was holding them accountable for their work.  Well, if you know me, you know I really do live the way I speak and off I went on my mission to reclaim my worthiness.  I remember looking in the mirror saying, I am worthy. And hearing, in the back of my mind a voice that said, Are you?  (I swear it felt like it came out of nowhere, but truly it was in the dark recesses of my mind.)  That one moment spawned a whole mess of feelings, emotions and work to do.  So like the good student, I did my work every day; honoring me for the voice  I heard was really me and what really was going on not the words that I spoke out loud.

After a few weeks of doing my mirror exercises of “I am worthy. I am willing to release unworthiness.”  I heard that voice again, but this time it said, "You Are."  Wow!! I achieved it in my thoughts.  I was no longer going against the thoughts in my head, they were now in the new alignment of feeling worthy.   I was so proud, but felt I needed to continue working it.  So I continued and things I had been manifesting, just began to show up (well really continued even into now.)

Then, almost three years ago now, I had the car accident.  I began to do all I humanly knew as possible to clear up my injuries as you all know, including every available tool to me in my alternative world in addition to traditional world, but I have to be truthful—the alternative has worked so much more!  Well as you should well know, energy healing really gets things moving on all levels, spiritual, mental, emotional and physical.    It worked my wish to heal this unworthiness issue that I have carried around for so many years has manifested through back pain and feelings of unworthiness.   Without going into too much more detail, people started showing me how worthy I am.  Everything culminated this past few years when I was receiving all these beautiful gifts of love, support and friendship during this most difficult time in my life.  I mean, I am still in my apartment –sometimes I say I don’t know how, but if I step back and really own my value and worthiness—I can honestly say that I manifested it.—wow look at me owning my power.  It feels a little funny—but it is the truth.  My guides have always said I am a Master Manifestor and I have to admit they are right.  Things that were never expected or thought happened; all was extremely needed. 

Truthfully, it overwhelmed the heck out of me, but in a good way, (I remember my twinflame saying that I overwhelmed him, but in a good way.  I never understood what he meant until this moment.  But I digress.)  You would think that beautiful things that people give me or share with me or help me with would make me feel so loved and worthy, but what I discovered is that it made me feel less. I felt inferior like I owe something because I can't give back in the same way that they can offer the help to me when I need it.   I have always had that independent attitude that I can do everything; I thought I had to and it seems really clear to me now that I wanted to do so that I wouldn’t feel inferior.  (ding ding)  Wow the revelations kept coming for me over the few years.  It isn't because these beautiful people make me feel inferior/unworthy; it is because I make/made me feel this way based on my belief that I am/was not worthy of being here or I am/was not good enough.   I had the assistance of friend who witnessed my emotions and my discoveries of where the beliefs of unworthiness began.  She was an Angel to me in the last year to help me understand that there are layers of it and I have to revisit and maintain my worthiness—just as I need to maintain my self-love.

After thinking about it I realize I do give back ME  and that ME IS ENOUGH. I am good enough.  I am worthy. I want to shout it out to the world so everyone knows and perhaps it will get through to me too—once and for all!  I think the truth is that I am the only one it has to get through no one else—everyone else already seems to know that I am worthy.  It needs to be my truth every moment of every day of my life.

So in a long winded way, the truth is that this helped me to understand and renewed my faith in the reunion of my twinflame….this worthiness thing is something that both he and I have had all our lives.  I realize that I need to continue my journey of taking care of me by accepting and allowing me to feel worthy/good enough until it is a natural inherent part of me once again (notice I say “once again” that is because we knew this before we incarnated into the earthly realm), just as the old belief was.  I have full faith he is coming and on his way to me….I feel like this was a profound healing for me…but no I am not done, but perhaps almost done on this layer.  I am worthy of  the full reunion with my twinflame.  I am good enough to celebrate physical union with this man. Thank you all you beautiful souls for bearing witness to my journey and perhaps I have been able to impart some wisdom to you.  Blesssings.

My wish for you today is to see your own beliefs that may need to be upgraded, revisited or explored a little more.

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