Saturday, December 19, 2015
Day 34 of 45 Days: Epiphany
Good Beautiful Saturday in CT.
Sun is shining after a few days of clouds and gloomy weather….I needed that when I woke up this morning—it has been a tough couple of weeks both physically, emotionally and mentally. I’ve had very little sleep now in over a week and I am not used to this. I am choosing to take it as a sign that I am getting better. So onto today’s snippet.
Almost 25 years ago, I was doing some work on my spirit, but not completely in the way I do work on my spirit now. I was living at home with my parents and attended traditional therapy bi-weekly (haven't been to therapy in 22 years..now I have other tools). It was college break and I worked two part time jobs. My daily morning routine that summer (it took an hour and half to complete and I loved it!) was to wake up, ride my bike to a park in the town I lived in. I would pack with me a bottle of water, a piece of fruit, a book to read, a journal and pen. Sometimes I would take a yogurt too! (Boy, thinking about it—some things never change—if you know me—I still take all that stuff with me, only exception is that I don’t take yogurt now!) I'd park my bike and walk the park. After the walk, I'd make my way back to the bleachers to sit and relax. I would sit for a few minutes looking gathering in my "taste of sunshine". Then I would lie down on the bench and notice how good it felt to rise early in the morning on a summer day. After a few minutes of meditating, let’s face it that is really what it was, I’d sit up and say my prayers, eat my breakfast and decide to read or write in my journal. (As you can see I was always prepared.) It was so powerful for me-- I contemplated life...sometimes I did more writing than I did contemplating and other days I did more contemplating. Often I would ponder bits of wisdom that would come to me; when I think back the wisdom I had as a 19 year old was far beyond my years—and quite honestly therapy wasn’t able to truly help me because I too was beyond what they could comprehend. But I digress, I want to tell you about one particular day. One morning I finally got it, I grasped very clearly a simple message that came to me. It was so life changing and simple that most of us overlook this fact—believe me it was so profound that I would compare it to the message Yeshua gave me that summer day about “I am the Way”, the one I wrote you about early on in this class. You will be amazed at how simple this is or you will be like “yes, I know”. Well, either way stay out of your head with this one, step away from your ego that says yes I know, and open your heart like that of the little child within you learning a new thing for the first time. The truth is—this is something we inherently know, but have forgotten and; even with the awareness, it gets forgotten at times as we get lost looking outside ourselves for the answers. You know what I mean, right? Okay, okay onto it already:
No one can tell you they will love you forever because the only person in your forever is you. So you have to love yourself. -April Ann D’Amato
Do you we really comprehend it? Go ahead read it again. Does it invoke in you the real meaning behind the words, not just the words? Let your little child remember his/her first steps on the path of life when they discovered they can dress themselves, played dress up or got ready for the school play and looked in the mirror and felt true love for themselves for the first time; let me rephrase that, true “SELF-LOVE”. It isn’t that you have to love yourself, but if you do, you will never really feel alone, you will always have love in your life, you will begin to make choices for your well-being not out of fear/patterning/loss. There is so many doors that open when you love yourself.
To this day to read it...it pulls me back to the moment when I first discovered this all important truth. I remember I was walking on cloud nine when this came to me. So simple, so easy to comprehend or is it? So simple and real I should have known it, but I didn't feel it till that day. As much as I have felt it, reading that statement is just what I need to "remember" from time to time...I hope it sparks something in you too. The point being you need to love yourself because you are truly the only one who will always be there for you. Interesting thought isn’t it? It is about ownership/responsibility/self-love and truth. On that day, it occurred to me because my grandmother told me that she would be there for me at least until I graduated high school, but she actually died when I was 9 years old. I was devastated and there started the fear of not being loved, the fear of abandonment and the patterns that needed to be corrected. It took me years to have this realization and I can honestly say I worked really consistently upon my self-love and there did come a time not too far off in the future after this epiphany that I had did I recognize I loved me, I value me and I am worthy and deserving of the life I desire. It has empowered me to love me more, faith that what I feel inside of me is truth and courage to endure being single until the time is right for me. (I say courage because my twinflame journey has taken a lot of faith and courage to keep on its path. It would be so easy to give up and settle like most people do and not wait for real love, but that one phrase above propel me forward always.) I hope this helps you too.
Pardon me for the wordy snippet this day, but spirit tells me to write what I feel and sometimes my feelings can be wordy....
Some thoughts for you to ponder:
What does that one sentence mean to you? Does it change you? Will it change how you view the “wanting/needing/expectation” of relationships and/or love from outside yourself?
Where do you feel what I wrote in your body? Do you have a physcial, mental or emotional reaction?