I performed a house clearing today for the first time in quite some time. Boy, I found myself second guessing practically everything I was doing. This paying attention to my thoughts really matters and is showing me some real changes! It really does make me realize that I have to rebuild from all the negative energy that I have been surrounded in for nearly 2 years. When I look back it is so easy to see how I got stuck. If you don't already know, I had the absolute worse health care for about a year (if you can even call it health care). And well from that point forward the negativity piled in--not for others so much as for myself--you know beating oneself up? Not trusting my own judgment. I am sure that comes from the fact that I had a pretty bad concussion--I mean I couldn't process words and I couldn't even speak for that matter--I sounded like robot--and you all that know me...know I sound anything, but like a robot.
Life can be such a messy journey...time to clean it up! I got this image of old Orbit Gum commercials--dirty mouth, clean it up. hahaha
Anyway, I realize today that I need to re-learn how to trust myself again...that is what negative self talk has created in me--fear of trusting myself. This is a lesson that is invaluable and grateful that doing this 45 days is having me pay attention without my full conscious awareness just what is happening inside of me. What is going on in my head. Wow...what a lesson!
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