Yep, you guessed it! This is my new journey to clearing out the old, releasing negativity and opening my world to manifesting my dreams. As with anything I begin, I started not only building up resistance to begin this journey over the last couple of days, but since I invited everyone to follow me and join in, I've got to stick with it! Not to mention the great benefits I will be reaping at year's end. Not only did I notice the resistance I began feeling, but I also started to experience an influx of crankiness that I am sure my friends will gladly tell you about from yesterday. I wanted to pout, cry, scream from exhaustion and frustration. (of course, I have to be completely honest--much of what I am experiencing I am absolutely sure my twinflame is experiencing the same after our conversation last week. As a matter of fact I really do believe it may be a majority of his stuff spilling over into my reality--which normally I would pout and complain about and do, but that was yesterday. Today, I am excited to say if his stuff is so easy to spill over into my reality, (and dag nabbit, it is)then this next 45 days will be extremely interesting for him too as my challenge/changes will spill over into his reality too!
So you are reading and thinking, she is crazy. Well, I may be, but everyone has their own reasons/definitions for crazy. The thing is that whenever I am preparing to do something that may (often does) transform me I get a ton of resistance building up inside me. It is not a conscious thing that happens or that I choose, it is something I have learned to become aware of over the years. For example, I would book a retreat weekend and be excited so excited that I would plan to leave really early so I can make a day of the journey to get there, but then the nearer it got I found I would procrastinate and leave just enough time to arrive on time, but definitely not early. I would go to these retreats unassuming and experience all kinds of healing and transformation at the end of the weekend and realize, "wow that is what all that resistance is about." I was never conscious of the "fear of change" or "fear of transformation and certainly it wasn't apparent while traipsing through it. Actually it was more like a sideswipe for me from out of nowhere and then upon reflection afterward it was clear to me that there is/was an egoic part of me afraid to change and let go of the comfort. Comfort can mean many things to people and in this instance to not change was comfortable.
Now, I tell you all this because perhaps you are experiencing something similar and perhaps you are are not aware. My awareness grew out of getting know me and well, it was years and years before I had a clue.
So I woke this morning cranky as heck! I was frustrated at things and procrastinated in getting things done. It was a wonder that I didn't struggle getting dressed. But I was typing away this morning and then my computer locked up, I spilled something and then I was overwhelmed by the energy so that tells me that I am preparing to really release. Not to mention that this morning's lesson I sent out made me realize I definitely had some homework to do to prepare. The phrase "You are Unlimited Potential" is earth shattering in a good way. Today, it reminded me that I am unlimited potential--now is this something I have always known? Yes. Is it something that I needed to be reminded of: ABSOLUTELY. Even I forget and often I teach my clients and students these things, but I fail to remember to apply it to me. I hold myself up to an even higher standard, sound familiar ? I am sure some of you do too.
Anyway, I am off to complete my day as I have been writing on and off into this blog since this morning when I lost my connection because the computer froze.
I did catch myself saying things like, "where the heck did I put that?" In a very demeaning way like saying "you're so stupid" without saying because that is what the intent was behind the first sentence. Interesting little way I can beat me up without making it sound like it, huh? Sneaky little buggers those self-criticizing thoughts are. Blessings to you and wishing you well..stay tuned...will be back tomorrow for another blog on my journey of releasing negativity.