Good Morning World.
I haven't written about my twinflame in some time because the thing is that hey came on so strong and seemingly so ready in July and then disappeared for a month and then he called me a month later telling me that he had been busy. The truth was he told me by the end of the conversation that he was afraid because he knows it is more. He disappeared again, but in that time I went away to Montana which was fabulous and I will hopefully make some time to share some of my experience with you all and I avoided his calls. You know his usual blocked hang ups. It has been really difficult for me to see that, but you know I still have faith. Only God knows where I get the faith from some days, but I just talked to him again this past weekend after avoiding it for as long as I could withstand it.
I miss him. He misses me. I love him. He loves me. It should be the end of the story there, but he has so much fear. So much fear of changing his life and leaving situations that are no longer good for him and haven't been for some time. I can empathize with that because I had the transition time of change too many years ago, but that is just it. In these times, the universe is on his side--I was still facing an uphill battle when I did all my transformation. Anyway, there has been a great deal of progress on his end --for many it would be just ridiculous--but to me it is huge because I know him.
Our conversation was beautiful and yet really sad. I mean I felt such emotion with him. He said how much he missed me and you know the truth is..I have always felt my love's sadness and pain, but it wasn't until the last few times that I felt his pain is about me. He feels pain for not being with me, he longs for me and he genuinely misses me. Mind you, I have felt all of those things and still do. He still seems surprised at the pull he has to be with me....yet I know there is a deep knowing inside of him. I also humanly feel him closer to ready more than ever. I have always felt his spirit, but I have not always felt his humanself that way. That night I went to sleep so peacefully and so peacefully the next night, but yesterday morning I woke up at 3 a.m. and this song by Train, "Driveby" kept playing in my head over and over and over. By the way, it didn't end there---it played in my head all day long and even last night before I went to bed and when I woke a couple times in the middle of the night. It is funny I never listened to the lyrics and literally believed it was all about driving a car. hahaha Well the lyrics that kept playing in my head were not anything like that: "oh I swear to you I'll be there for you. This is not a drive by." I really feel this is from him confirming for me that he is always there and it is so much more to him than he even knows what to do with it and to affirm for me that when he goes away it is because he is scared and overwhelmed, but to know that he knows it is more. Anyway read the lyrics on the above song and you will see what I mean..
So, yesterday I began my new mantra: "I choose to have faith today." (I know, I know I have been working on this a long time now--but please hear me when I say that I have found faith in everything I do--it is just with the twinflame stuff I appear to struggle so I would appreciate any prayers you can send my way to buoy my faith.). So the mantra is "I choose to have faith--faith in my twin, faith that everything is in divine and perfect order, faith that I can trust and let go, faith I can surrender to spirit.
"I choose to have faith today".