Sunday, April 15, 2012

Day 89: Road to Faith was Paved with Unworthiness Now that Has Changed

Inspirational Snippet: Worthiness

I had an epiphany today…that I am valuable, a necessary piece of the puzzle, worthy of all I desire and more. Now I have always known that in my head and have understood it in my heart for others, but today I feel it inside of me. I truly feel it inside of me. I thank you all my beautiful friends for helping me to feel it and assisting me on my journey to worthiness. The clearing of my past and the unworthiness chain that has followed me around for sometime…I am ready now to release that. I am ready and willing to release my need to feel unworthy. I am worthy. I am worthy of all that I desire. I am worthy because I am.

About a month ago, I ran a class on Manifesting Your Dreams through using your thoughts. I had taught a similar class to this in the past, but this time I allowed my guides to teach it. I mean I channeled everything I talked about. I even remember the second week of the class, I said to my students. I know you had homework, how was it? What was it? I seriously didn't remember anything I had said or taught that day, but the message that was clear to me is that there are certain core beliefs each of us developed as young children and incorporated them as part of us. And, it is time to let them go. (Tip for you---what core belief no longer serves you? Look at the signs in your life and see where that is stuck and really look into the layers of things that are stuck. You may need assistance with the step many of us do---I’d be happy to help you, but you must be willing to do the work for when we work together the energy gets moving rapidly. )

I gave my students homework to get to the core belief that was underlying the difficulty they were having in achieving what it is they were wanting. As you all know, I don't ever give homework to clients or students that I have not done myself so I understand what it is I am giving each of you. Now, I have noticed that so many people need to first fall in love with themselves. They often tell me that they love themsleves, but I can feel the lack of love for themselves even with their speaking it. Loving yourself requires you to be able to look deep within your soul by connecting with your eyes and telling you that you love you (This is a suggestion for those of you who want to take that step. Spend five minutes a day telling yourself that you love you, but not just standing their repeating it--establish a soul connection by looking at your eyes and speaking to the little girl or boy inside of you. Say the following: I love and accept myself just as I am. And watch how magic happens.)

For me that part I can honestly say I got down I can truly look in the mirror and say I love me and really mean it and feel it. However, as we all know we have layers of stuff (healing that needs to clear). So I took notice during this class that one of the themes that kept coming up for me was worthiness. I felt unworthy. When the physical class ended, I have continued to work with my students in weekly 15-20 minute check in phone conferences. During our first phone call, I asked them to hold me accountable for my homework of working on my worthiness as I was holding them accountable for their work. Well, if you know me, you know I really do live the way I speak and off I went on my mission to reclaim my worthiness. I remember looking in the mirror saying, I am worthy. And hearing, in the back of my mind a voice that said, Are you? (I swear it felt like it came out of nowhere, but truly it was in the dark recesses of my mind.) That one moment spawned a whole mess of feelings, emotions and work to do. So like the good student, I did my work every day; honoring me for the voice I heard was really me and what really was going on not the words that I spoke out loud.

After a few weeks of doing my mirror exercises of “I am worthy. I am willing to release unworthiness.” I heard that voice again, but this time it said, "You Are." Wow!! I achieved it in my thoughts. I was no longer going against the thoughts in my head they were in unison. I was so proud, but felt I needed to continue working it. So I continued and things I have been manifesting, just began to show up (well really continue since last year things just happened.)

Then, almost two weeks ago, this back thing started. I began to do all I humanly knew as possible to clear up my back pain, including A LOT OF ENERGY HEALING!!! Well as you should well know, energy healing really gets things moving on all levels, spiritual, mental, emotional and physical. It worked my wish to heal this unworthiness issue that I have carried around for so many years has manifested through back pain and feelings of unworthiness. Without going into too much more detail, people started showing me how worthy I am. Everything culminated this past week when I was receiving all these beautiful gifts of love and friendship. Things that were never expected or thought; all was extremely needed. Last night, I had the assistance of friend who witnessed my emotions and my discoveries of where the beliefs of unworthiness began. She was an Angel to me last night not that I don’t appreciate her all the time, but it was what I needed last night ---hmmm another beautiful manifestation.

Truthfully, it overwhelmed the heck out of me, but in a good way, (I remember my twin saying that I overwhelmed him, but in a good way. I never understood what he meant until this moment. But I digress.) You would think that beautiful things that people give me or share with me or help me with would make me feel so loved and worthy, but what I discovered that it made me feel less. I felt inferior like I owe something because I can't give back in the same way that they can offer the help to me when I need it. I have always had that independent attitude that I can do everything; I thought I had to and it seems really clear to me now that I wanted to do so that I wouldn’t feel inferior. (ding ding) Wow, new revelation at this moment for me. It isn't because these beautiful people make me feel that way. It is because I make/made me feel this way based on my belief that I am/was not worthy of being here or I am/was not good enough.

Today, I discovered I can and do give back ME and that ME IS ENOUGH. I am worthy. I want to shout it out to the world so everyone knows and perhaps it will get through to me too—once and for all! I think the truth is that I am the only one it has to get through no one else. It needs to be my truth every moment of every day of my life.

So in a long winded way, the truth is that this helped me to understand and renewed my faith in the reunion of my twin….this worthiness thing is something that both he and I have had all our lives. I realize that I need to continue my journey of taking care of me by accepting and allowing me to feel worthy until it is a natural inherent part of me just as the old belief was. I have full faith he is coming and on his way to me….I feel like this was a profound healing for me…but no I am not done, but perhaps almost done on this layer. I am worthy of the full reunion with my twinflame.Thank you all you beautiful souls for bearing witness to my journey and perhaps I have been able to impart some wisdom to you. Blesssings.

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