Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Seed of Doubt

I woke up early this morning because I had an early start to bed last night. I feel so much better having had some sleep. It is not as early of a day. I opted out of the hot air balloon ride because I really want to spend my money on the trip to Alexandria it is calling me.

Some people did go on the hot air balloon ride so we have a lil later start waiting until everyone arrives from the ride. I am going to go to breakfast and see if I can see the balloons from the breakfast window. DebRa went out on the hot air balloon ride.

Breakfast was nice. I sat with some different people today. I sat with Ezserial. ? Spelling? oh well, don't know how to spell her name, but it sounds like that. :) It was a nice breakfast. I was still teary eyed this morning and breakfast of course brought more tears to me. She asked about the tears and I told her that a lot of it had to do with everything in my life, but most importantly with my twin. She put a little damper on it and said that maybe he is just not ready and maybe this isn't the life that we are meant to come together. It put a seed of doubt in my mind. I am back in my room in tears. Why do I give my power away so easily?

As I sit here writing this, I realize I gave my power away so easily to someone else's view. (As I am editing this journal entry I realize that I did truly give my power away. I mean I so easily listened to what the person had to say and allowed it to impact my thinking and place that seed of doubt in my mind despite everything I know to be true inside of me.) Here I am negating the towel in the shape of a heart on my bed the night before (a sign) and the most important sign was the experience at the Temple of Edfu. How could I not listen to that? And, yet here I am crying and believing what this person is saying about how I shouldn't wait and perhaps I am wasting my time.

(The interesting thing is that as I am transferring this from journal to blogpost I am aware that I wrote the seed of doubt was in my mind not my heart. That is a valid point, but my mind does wonder how much longer this will have to take? Shouldn't the time be now? I mean I feel like everything should have happened by now which is probably why I allowed the seed of doubt in. )

I am going to start putting things away in the suitcase because we will have just enough time to get our luggage out into the common area before dinner and then we head off to the sleeper train. Oh dear God, please let the sleeper train be sleepable! hahaha You think I am kidding, but I'm not. I know my pictures of the last train did not give you any real hint as to how nasty it was, but I sure hope my writing did. :)

Off I go...I have two more temples to see today before the day is over...


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