I am prompted by my guides to share a story with you today that goes along with the theme of manifesting our dreams and the work I’ve given you over the past weeks. What did you discover the other day on your list? Did you sit with what came up? Fears? It is time to relay them back to where they belong….what belief do you hold about YOU (not the situation) that you think maybe blocking you? This is a hard step that we sometimes can’t get out of our own way with.
I had an epiphany this morning as I preparing for today’s lesson and class that I needed to revisit worthiness for myself. With all the work I have done on me, I do recognize that I am valuable, a necessary piece of the puzzle, worthy of all I desire and more. Now I have always known that in my head, I even felt I understood it fully about myself. It is easy for me to understand it for others, but what I recognize today is that I need to feel it inside of me again—I need to reconnect with that part of me often—not just when it strikes me or when I have an epiphany. I have definitely had moments of awareness and worthiness over the last several years of my life, particularly since 2011. I thank all my beautiful friends for helping me to feel it and assisting me on my journey to worthiness. The clearing of my past and the unworthiness chain has followed me around for sometime…I am ready now to release another layer. I am ready and willing to release my need to feel unworthy. I am ready to accept I am good enough. I am worthy. I am worthy of all that I desire. I am worthy because I am. This is the underlying belief that I discovered –hidden beneath what came up for me is “feelings of not good enough, translating to worthiness.”
Back in 2012, I ran a class on Manifesting Your Dreams through using your thoughts. I had taught a similar class to this in the past, but this time I allowed my guides to teach it. I mean I channeled everything I talked about. I even remember the second week of the class, I said to my students. I know you had homework, how was it? What was it? I seriously didn't remember anything I had said or taught that day, but the message that was clear to me is that there are certain core beliefs each of us developed as young children and carried them forward into our adulthood as inherent pieces of us. And, it is time to let them go. (Tip for you---what core belief no longer serves you? Look at the signs, particularly messages from your homework the other day, in your life and see where that is stuck and really look into the layers of things that are stuck. You may need assistance with this step many of us do---I’d be happy to help you, but you must be willing to do the work for when we work together the energy gets moving more rapidly. )
Back to that class, I gave my students homework to get to the core belief that was underlying the difficulty they were having in achieving what it is they were wanting. As you all know, I don't ever give homework to clients or students that I have not done myself so I understand what it is I am giving each of you. Now, I have noticed that so many people need to first fall in love with themselves. They often tell me that they love themsleves, but I can feel the lack of love for themselves even with their speaking it. Loving yourself requires you to be able to look deep within your soul by connecting with your eyes and telling you that you love you (This is the exercise I had given you previously about establishing a soul connection by looking at your eyes and speaking to the little girl or boy inside of you. Say the following: I love and accept myself just as I am. And watch how magic happens.)
For me that part I can honestly say I got down I can truly look in the mirror and say I love me and really mean it and feel it. However, as we all know we have layers of stuff (healing that needs to clear). So I took notice during this class that one of the themes that kept coming up for me was worthiness. I felt unworthy. When the physical class ended, I had continued to work with my students in weekly 15-20 minute check in phone conferences. During our first phone call, I asked them to hold me accountable for my homework of working on my worthiness as I was holding them accountable for their work. Well, if you know me, you know I really do live the way I speak and off I went on my mission to reclaim my worthiness. I remember looking in the mirror saying, I am worthy. And hearing, in the back of my mind a voice that said, Are you? (I swear it felt like it came out of nowhere, but truly it was in the dark recesses of my mind.) That one moment spawned a whole mess of feelings, emotions and work to do. So like the good student, I did my work every day; honoring me for the voice I heard was really me and what really was going on not the words that I spoke out loud.
After a few weeks of doing my mirror exercises of “I am worthy. I am willing to release unworthiness.” I heard that voice again, but this time it said, "You Are." Wow!! I achieved it in my thoughts. I was no longer going against the thoughts in my head, they were now in the new alignment of feeling worthy. I was so proud, but felt I needed to continue working it. So I continued and things I had been manifesting, just began to show up (well really continued even into now.)
Then, about four years ago now, I had the car accident. I began to do all I humanly knew as possible to clear up my injuries as you all know, including every available tool to me in my alternative world in addition to traditional world, but I have to be truthful—the alternative has worked so much more! Well as you should well know, energy healing really gets things moving on all levels, spiritual, mental, emotional and physical. It worked my wish to heal this unworthiness issue that I have carried around for so many years has manifested through back pain and feelings of unworthiness. Without going into too much more detail, people started showing me how worthy I was. Everything culminated the past four years when I was receiving all these beautiful gifts of love, support and friendship during this most difficult time in my life. I mean, I am still in my apartment –sometimes I say I don’t know how, but if I step back and really own my value and worthiness—I can honestly say that I manifested it.—wow look at me owning my power. It feels a little funny—but it is the truth. My guides have always said I am a Master Manifestor and I have to admit they are right. Things that were never expected or thought happened; all was extremely needed.
Truthfully, it overwhelmed the heck out of me, but in a good way, (I remember my twinflame saying that I overwhelmed him, but in a good way. I never understood what he meant until this moment. But I digress.) You would think that beautiful things that people gave me or shared with me or helped me with would make me feel so loved and worthy, right? What I discovered is that it made me feel less, I felt inferior like I couldn't give back to them the way they helped me. I have always had that independent attitude that I can do everything; I thought I had to. I had to work through all those feelings to discover, that these beautiful people were not making me feel inferior/unworthy; it is because I make/made me feel this way based on my belief that I am/was not worthy of being here or I am/was not good enough. I had the assistance of friend who witnessed my emotions and my discoveries of where the beliefs of unworthiness began. She was an Angel to me in the last year to help me understand that there are layers of it and I have to revisit and maintain my worthiness—just as I need to maintain my self-love.
After thinking about it I realize I do give back ME and that ME IS ENOUGH. I am good enough. I am worthy. I want to shout it out to the world so everyone knows and perhaps it will get through to me too—once and for all! I think the truth is that I am the only one it has to get through no one else—everyone else already seems to know that I am worthy. It needs to be my truth every moment of every day of my life.
My wish for you today is to see your own beliefs that may need to be upgraded, revisited or explored a little more. No specific journal homework for you today--instead, I would like you to ponder some of these deep questions for you.
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