Day 39 of 45 Day Journey: Worthiness

Hello Everyone,

It is a cloudy Christmas Eve Morn and the temperatures in CT are far from the typical snowy Christmas and quite honestly—I don’t feel Christmas in the air.  I had to go out last night to get last minute gifts and do you know I could easily maneuver going in and out of the stores without any trouble.  Oh and the parking spaces were right by the door.  I truly have never experienced that.  This year there seems to be a lot of things happening to extricate people out of the old energies/situations/relationships/careers etc so I think that adds to the lack of holiday spirit I sense.  I also feel we are on the brink of major change and transformation--which isn't always comforting--but I do recommend you look forward to it. 

Anyway, I hope the magic of the holiday will spark something inside of each of you…for me watching Miracle on 34^th Street the other night helped with it, and I watched a Christmas movie in the background of wrapping gifts last night.  It is quite amazing really when you think about how we can change our mood from one of doom and gloom to one of love and excitement for the future. (I have to admit this has been the hardest week for me to stay in the positive.  A lot has gone wrong, but a lot has gone good too and I don’t forget that….it is just that I am ready for miracles to really happen, how about you?  I will be glad to put closure to the last three years of my life. I am going to go forward to look at February 14th of 2016 as closure from my accident on the same date of 2013.  My focus is that life will look, feel, be different than it is at this moment and all in the positive and wonderful way that it can be!)

Id like to share a story with you for today and it goes along with the theme of manifesting dreams from the class I am teaching on the 45 Days to Transformation.   What did you  discover the other day on your list to what may be blocking you?  Feelings? Did you sit with what came up?  Fears?  It is time to relay them back to where they belong….what belief do you hold about YOU (not the situation) that you think may be blocking you?  This is a hard step that we sometimes can’t get out of our own way with.

I had an epiphany this morning as I preparing for today’s lesson and class  that I needed to revisit worthiness

for myself.  With all the work I have done on me, I do recognize that I am valuable, a necessary piece of the puzzle, worthy of all I desire and more.  Now I have always known that in my head, I even felt I understood it fully about myself.  It is easy for me to understand it for others, but what I recognize today is that I need to feel it inside of me again—I need to reconnect with that part of me often—not just when it strikes me or when I have an epiphany.  I have definitely had moments of awareness and worthiness over the last several years of my life, particularly since 2011.  I thank you all my beautiful friends for helping me to feel it and assisting me on my journey to worthiness.  The clearing of my past and the unworthiness chain has followed me around for sometime…I am ready now to release another layer. I am ready and willing to release my need to feel unworthy. I am ready to accept I am good enough.  I am worthy. I am worthy of all that I desire. I am worthy because I am.  This is the underlying belief that I discovered –hidden beneath what came up for me is “feelings of not good enough, translating to worthiness.” 

Back in 2012, I ran a class on Manifesting Your Dreams through using your thoughts. I had taught a similar class to this in the past, but this time I allowed my guides to teach it.   I mean I channeled everything I talked about. I even remember the second week of the class, I said to my students. I know you had homework, how was it?  What was it?  I seriously didn't remember anything I had said or taught that day, but the message that was clear to me is that there are certain core beliefs each of us developed as young children and incorporated them as part of us.  And, it is time to let them go.  (Tip for you---what core belief no longer serves you?  Look at the signs, particularly messages from your homework the other day, in your life and see where that is stuck and really look into the layers of things that are stuck.  You may need assistance with this step many of us do---I’d be happy to help you, but you must be willing to do the work for when we work together the energy gets moving rapidly. )

I gave my students homework to get to the core belief that was underlying the difficulty they were having in achieving what it is they were wanting.  As you all know, I don't ever give homework to clients or students that I have not done myself so I understand what it is I am giving each of you.  Now, I have noticed that so many people need to first fall in love with themselves.  They often tell me that they love themsleves, but I can feel the lack of love for themselves even with their speaking it.  Loving yourself requires you to be able to look deep within your soul by connecting with your eyes and telling you that you love you (This is the exercise I had given you previously about establishing a soul connection by looking at your eyes and speaking to the little girl or boy inside of you.  Say the following: I love and accept myself just as I am. And watch how magic happens.) 

For me that part I can honestly say I got down I can truly look in the mirror and say I love me and really mean it and feel it.  However, as we all know we have layers of stuff (healing that needs to clear).  So I took notice during this class that one of the themes that kept coming up for me was worthiness.  I felt unworthy.  When the physical class ended, I have continued to work with my students in weekly 15-20 minute check in phone conferences.  During our first phone call, I asked them to hold me accountable for my homework of working on my worthiness as I was holding them accountable for their work.  Well, if you know me, you know I really do live the way I speak and off I went on my mission to reclaim my worthiness.  I remember looking in the mirror saying, I am worthy. And hearing, in the back of my mind a voice that said, Are you?  (I swear it felt like it came out of nowhere, but truly it was in the dark recesses of my mind.)  That one moment spawned a whole mess of feelings, emotions and work to do.  So like the good student, I did my work every day; honoring me for the voice  I heard was really me and what really was going on not the words that I spoke out loud.

After a few weeks of doing my mirror exercises of “I am worthy. I am willing to release unworthiness.”  I heard that voice again, but this time it said, "You Are."  Wow!! I achieved it in my thoughts.  I was no longer going against the thoughts in my head, they were now in the new alignment of feeling worthy.   I was so proud, but felt I needed to continue working it.  So I continued and things I had been manifesting, just began to show up (well really continued even into now.)

Then, almost three years ago now, I had the car accident.  I began to do all I humanly knew as possible to clear up my injuries as you all know, including every available tool to me in my alternative world in addition to traditional world, but I have to be truthful—the alternative has worked so much more!  Well as you should well know, energy healing really gets things moving on all levels, spiritual, mental, emotional and physical.    It worked my wish to heal this unworthiness issue that I have carried around for so many years has manifested through back pain and feelings of unworthiness.   Without going into too much more detail, people started showing me how worthy I am.  Everything culminated this past few years when I was receiving all these beautiful gifts of love, support and friendship during this most difficult time in my life.  I mean, I am still in my apartment –sometimes I say I don’t know how, but if I step back and really own my value and worthiness—I can honestly say that I manifested it.—wow look at me owning my power.  It feels a little funny—but it is the truth.  My guides have always said I am a Master Manifestor and I have to admit they are right.  Things that were never expected or thought happened; all was extremely needed. 

Truthfully, it overwhelmed the heck out of me, but in a good way, (I remember my twinflame saying that I overwhelmed him, but in a good way.  I never understood what he meant until this moment.  But I digress.)  You would think that beautiful things that people give me or share with me or help me with would make me feel so loved and worthy, but what I discovered is that it made me feel less. I felt inferior like I owe something because I can't give back in the same way that they can offer the help to me when I need it.   I have always had that independent attitude that I can do everything; I thought I had to and it seems really clear to me now that I wanted to do so that I wouldn’t feel inferior.  (ding ding)  Wow the revelations kept coming for me over the few years.  It isn't because these beautiful people make me feel inferior/unworthy; it is because I make/made me feel this way based on my belief that I am/was not worthy of being here or I am/was not good enough.   I had the assistance of friend who witnessed my emotions and my discoveries of where the beliefs of unworthiness began.  She was an Angel to me in the last year to help me understand that there are layers of it and I have to revisit and maintain my worthiness—just as I need to maintain my self-love.

After thinking about it I realize I do give back ME  and that ME IS ENOUGH. I am good enough.  I am worthy. I want to shout it out to the world so everyone knows and perhaps it will get through to me too—once and for all!  I think the truth is that I am the only one it has to get through no one else—everyone else already seems to know that I am worthy.  It needs to be my truth every moment of every day of my life.

So in a long winded way, the truth is that this helped me to understand and renewed my faith in the reunion of my twinflame….this worthiness thing is something that both he and I have had all our lives.  I realize that I need to continue my journey of taking care of me by accepting and allowing me to feel worthy/good enough until it is a natural inherent part of me once again (notice I say “once again” that is because we knew this before we incarnated into the earthly realm), just as the old belief was.  I have full faith he is coming and on his way to me….I feel like this was a profound healing for me…but no I am not done, but perhaps almost done on this layer.  I am worthy of  the full reunion with my twinflame.  I am good enough to celebrate physical union with this man. Thank you all you beautiful souls for bearing witness to my journey and perhaps I have been able to impart some wisdom to you.  Blesssings.

My wish for you today is to see your own beliefs that may need to be upgraded, revisited or explored a little more.

Day 38 of 45 Day Journey

Hello Everyone,

I’ve had a pretty emotional past few days.  It has taken everything in me to go about my life without tears.  Yet, I feel so much magic in the air right now.  The energy of this Solstice has been extremely powerful and inviting.  It anchored a lot of new light on the planet—putting us into a ripe and ready state for transformation.  The energy of release is upon us in a way I have not felt in the past at the end of a “calendar year”. I emphasize calendar year because I remember many times in my growing up I felt September was the beginning of the new year…at first I wrote it off that it was school, but that was not the case.  Actually, I would literally see a calendar in my head—the turning of the page began in September—then when I began this part of my journey I started to see my connections to Judaism and then to the lunar calendar so for me to feel closure at this time is more powerful than ever.    That being said---lots of pain, loss, grief, exhaustion being released and more.  Do you feel it too? I know I certainly do—but again I say I feel magic in the air too!     We did some deep work yesterday and before we go onto the next step of the faith/manifestation exercise, I feel the word Faith deserves some more attention, don’t you?

The word Faith comes up to my awareness almost more than any other word.  The last several years particularly, and even more particularly with regard to my beloved twinflame. Oh I need to shake that lack of faith at times--and I wonder what the blocks can be? Hmmmm...  When I moved into the apartment I am not living in, I was given a wall decoration which is/was a quote about Faith.  So that is when I really started to pay attention.  What is it we are supposed to have faith in?  Faith in another person? Faith that the bills will get paid even when you haven’t the money?  Faith that time is on your side?  Just to name a few things that come to mind this morning.  

This one word has so much power in my life and keeps coming up.   I am sure it is coming up for each of you as well and if it hasn't or if you have not noticed, allow me to bring it to your attention.  I have to side note—the word trust has now become synonymous with the word Faith for me…so you may have that peeking in to your life now.

I was given a present a while back, a book called Eat Your Peas and I opened to a page today and felt this would make for the perfect snippet to share....the following is the quote:

"Having faith means it isn't necessary to have all the answers.  Imagine what life would be like if you had all the answers to life's questions.  Do you really want to know the outcome of every moment, every joy and every challenge?  Having faith in God/Goddess and faith in yourself means trusting beyond explanation and logic.  While faith is unseen, it can be felt in the heart--a safe and loving place.  Let your faith rest there."

I love this.  And believe me as I type this to you, I thought to myself that yes, sometimes I would like all of the answers so believe me I understand you thinking that too!   But the truth remains that when I have faith it shows me how powerful I can be. Having faith is a difficult concept only for those who live in their head and not in their heart centers.  I, like many of you, have trouble of maintaining the faith  at times especially when I have such an attachment to the outcome of something and/or when I am around a lot of other people who are not able to stay in their heart. Other people's energy can influence our own which it is why it is so important to stay grounded in our body, but also maintain our balance by using the spiritual tools we have learned along the way.   When we allow our truth to come from within  us, the answers are there and the miraculous solutions to life's questions appear.   I can truly attest to this especially over the last three years.

My wish for you is to have faith in that the one thing that you may believe to be truth even when it doesn't appear to be so.  No matter what keep the faith. Never give up on what you dream/wish/desire and most importantly do all the work necessary to keep your energy clear/clean.  As you all know I keep evolving, I never stop.  One of the more recent discoveries that I learned about living on earth at this time—is not only did we all come here at this time on a mission to be light, but many of us are catalysts to heal/clear/remove blocks, obstacles, patterns that your DNA has been carrying around from your ancestry.  For some if not many of us, our job is to clear out the lineages of our soul, geography and ancestry.  IT sounds like a tall order, but it isn’t nearly as bad as it sounds.  But I promise you as you begin to move through some of this stuff—life that you have been living will begin to make sense.  So many of us have accepted what was sent out without question –here is a familiar phrase I am sure you all heard before: God only Gives you what you can Handle.  Well, I disagree somewhat with that statement—remember we are God.  We only take on what we KNOW WE CAN HANDLE.  Hmmmm..interesting perspective huh?    Sit with that one for a bit before going on with your day.  Oh and if you would like help with that kind of clearing—that is what I do, it is a newer aspect of my job and I would be happy to schedule a session with you and help you.  We can determine together what the best approach is.  The one request I have is to have an open mind and really being willing and ready to look at your stuff.

Day 34 of 45 Days: Epiphany

Good Beautiful Saturday in CT.

Sun is shining after a few days of clouds and gloomy weather….I needed that when I woke up this morning—it has been a tough couple of weeks both physically, emotionally and mentally.  I’ve had very little sleep now in over a week and I am not used to this.  I am choosing to take it as a sign that I am getting better.  So onto today’s snippet.

Almost 25 years ago, I was doing some work on my spirit, but not completely in the way I do work on my spirit now. I was living at home with my parents and attended traditional therapy bi-weekly (haven't been to therapy in 22 years..now I have other tools). It was college break and I worked two part time jobs. My daily morning routine that summer (it took an hour and half to complete and I loved it!) was to wake up, ride my bike to a park in the town I lived in. I would pack with me a bottle of water, a piece of fruit, a book to read, a journal and pen. Sometimes I would take a yogurt too!  (Boy, thinking about it—some things never change—if you know me—I still take all that stuff with me, only exception is that I don’t take yogurt now!)  I'd park my bike and walk the park. After the walk, I'd make my way back to the bleachers to sit and relax. I would sit for a few minutes looking gathering in my "taste of sunshine". Then I would lie down on the bench and notice how good it felt to rise early in the morning on a summer day. After a few minutes of meditating, let’s face it that is really what it was, I’d sit up and say my prayers, eat my breakfast and decide to read or write in my journal. (As you can see I was always prepared.) It was so powerful for me-- I contemplated life...sometimes I did more writing than I did contemplating and other days I did more contemplating.  Often I would ponder bits of wisdom that would come to me; when I think back the wisdom I had as a 19 year old was far beyond my years—and quite honestly therapy wasn’t able to truly help me because I too was beyond what they could comprehend.  But I digress, I want to tell you about one particular day.  One morning I finally got it, I grasped very clearly a simple message that came to me.  It was so life changing and simple that most of us overlook this fact—believe me it was so profound that I would compare it to the message Yeshua gave me that summer day about “I am the Way”, the one I wrote you about early on in this class.  You will be amazed at how simple this is or you will be like “yes, I know”.  Well, either way stay out of your head with this one, step away from your ego that says yes I know, and open your heart  like that of the little child within you learning a new thing for the first time. The truth is—this is something we inherently know, but have forgotten and; even with the awareness, it gets forgotten at times as we get lost looking outside ourselves for the answers. You know what I mean, right?  Okay, okay onto it already:




No one can tell you they will love you forever because the only person in your forever is you. So you have to love yourself. -April Ann D’Amato

Do you we really comprehend it? Go ahead read it again.  Does it invoke in you the real meaning behind the words, not just the words?  Let your little child remember his/her first steps on the path of life when they discovered they can dress themselves, played dress up or got ready for the school play and looked in the mirror and felt true love for themselves for the first time; let me rephrase that, true “SELF-LOVE”.   It isn’t that you have to love yourself, but if you do, you will never really feel alone, you will always have love in your life, you will begin to make choices for your well-being not out of fear/patterning/loss.  There is so many doors that open when you love yourself.

To this day to read it...it pulls me back to the moment when I first discovered this all important truth. I remember I was walking on cloud nine when this came to me. So simple, so easy to comprehend or is it? So simple and real I should have known it, but I didn't feel it till that day. As much as I have felt it, reading that statement is just what I need to "remember" from time to time...I hope it sparks something in you too.   The point being you need to love yourself because you are truly the only one who will always be there for you.  Interesting thought isn’t it?  It is about ownership/responsibility/self-love and truth.   On that day, it occurred to me because my grandmother told me that she would be there for me at least until I graduated high school, but she actually died when I was 9 years old.  I was devastated and there started the fear of not being loved, the fear of abandonment and the patterns that needed to be corrected. It took me years to have this realization and I can honestly say I worked really consistently upon my self-love and there did come a time not too far off in the future after this epiphany that I had did I recognize I loved me, I value me and I am worthy and deserving of the life I desire.  It has empowered me to love me more, faith that what I feel inside of me is truth and courage to endure being single until the time is right for me.  (I say courage because my twinflame journey has taken a lot of faith and courage to keep on its path.  It would be so easy to give up and settle like most people do and not wait for real love, but that one phrase above propel me forward always.)  I hope this helps you too.

Pardon me for the wordy snippet this day, but spirit tells me to write what I feel and sometimes my feelings can be wordy....

Some thoughts for you to ponder:

What does that one sentence mean to you?  Does it change you?  Will it change how you view the “wanting/needing/expectation” of relationships and/or love from outside yourself? 

Where do you feel what I wrote in your body? Do you have a physcial, mental or emotional reaction?

Channeled Message: Responsibility for Peace, Happiness & Love

Good Morning Dear Ones,

My guides led me to this previous channel from December 2012 to share with all of you today because we are nearing the Solstice.  It is pertinent to what is happening now in your reality, the earth’s reality and it is vital information for us re-visit.  

Channeled Message from The Galactic Federation of Light through EstaRa in Guilford, CT on Sunday, December 16,  2012.

Dearest Ones,

We are with each and every one of you.  We know that this time on your planet exposure to the darkest energies exists; however, dear ones—exposure to the brightest energy exists as well.  It is a matter of where the focus gets placed.  Your earth is at its tipping point.   It has the potential to tip in one way over another; and yet, we wish to tell you that your humans are tipping towards the light.  These last acts of darkness will only prevail if power is given to them.

Many things will transpire over the next thirty years of your earth time and it is the responsibility of each
 human to determine which direction they wish to take the “new earth” in.  The responsibility for creation, magnification and destruction is by way of thoughts, beliefs and decisions.  While it is a collective responsibility to make manifest what you wish and desire for the earth; it starts with the individual taking responsibility for his or her actions, beliefs, thoughts and decisions daily.   If each person upon earth chose peace, happiness and love to be their focus each day then that is the vibration sent out.  Know that even 10 people who do this have multiplied the light quotient by 10 upon the planet.  It does not mean all darkness will be gone, but it does mean there will be less of it available to grow.  We do not assume or imply that it is easy to do at this time or in any time upon your earth as it requires vigilance to stay in balance and focus to stay in peace, happiness and love—but we tell you that each day that becomes the focus then each day it gets easier—each day solutions to problems appear—each day what is not in alignment with peace, happiness and love will show itself—it will make clear what needs to be viewed and worked through.  You may think that is a bad thing with light is shed upon darkness;   but dear ones, how can you change what is –if you do not know what is in need of change?

We ask you to stay in your heart and connect to your soul to know what it means to bring, to be and to live peace, happiness and love and maintain that focus.  It is not something decided in your head, behind a desk or in a group—it is something that is decided or experienced individually by way of how you carry out your day to day life—it simply is a way of being and living.  Now we wish to address that the same ways of creation as noted above remains true even if you focus upon fear, anger, unforgiveness and violence then you would make manifest that in your world as well.

We’ve mentioned many times to EstaRa through conversations and channels with her that sensitivity is her gift—as it is for humanity too!  It is the gift that creates change.  If you become numb and immune to life and your experiences;  then you seek and need experiences that  will make you feel—that is the increase in intensity that you are experiencing in your human world at this time—everything must be more intense in order to feel—more violent, more sexual—the extremes have to occur to make you feel—but dear ones a large part of your shift in consciousness is the shift in your sensitivity—you will feel if you have not already felt and experience a breaking open of your heart chakra center –that is, the walls of immunity that you have built will begin to crumble and you will begin to experience life  differently.

As EstaRa has often pointed out—if you are numb or immune to what it is you are doing what is happening around you or what is not happening around you then it is time for a change.  EstaRa is correct in her statement for you can no longer be of service to yourself, humanity or the earth if you numb; therefore, you are no longer present in your current reality.  Your job upon the planet is to be of service to all through your presence of being. (I asked my guides to clarify being “Neutral” as they suggested in last week’s Energy Thoughts from being numb/immune)  We tell you to stay “neutral” (balanced).  That is not to say that you do not feel happy or sad, pain or pleasure—it is to say that you allow yourself to feel the feelings as they come up, but you do not allow yourself to get caught up in the emotions. Yours or others!  Emotions are expressions of your feelings which are interpretations of the stimulus around you.  In staying in balance (We use the word balance interchangeably with neutral), you are able to hold the space for the peace, happiness and love for you; however,  more importantly you develop more empowerment (personal power) and can hold that space for so many more souls upon the earth at this time that are not able to.  We know this is not easy to do individually in your lives, but we do know that it is possible for you.  We ask you to support one another through these times; those individuals who demonstrate strength and have been strong are not able to always be the strong ones—you all must be the strong ones as you all must be the weak ones.   We use the words “weak ones” lightly for we do not see any of you as weak—in fact we see you as strong, powerful beings; we simply use the words to distinguish that there are times you may be the supporter and at other times you may be the supported.  It matters not which you are when—it simply matters that you know that you and others are and can be both.

Once again we wish to bring you back to the focus of love, especially during this gateway of time you are in.  It is so important now five days from the Solstice to hold that space of creation in love, peace and happiness for the energy is supporting what you hold.  You are each loved, honored and respected for your journey—it is paved in light with detours along the way to create the world and experience your soul truly desires.

The Galactic Federation of Light.

Tidings of the Season

It is the holiday season and I know plenty of people struggling and it appears that it is getting worse especially when you live in poverty everyday.  The fears grow and get unbearable at times.  If we stay quiet and away from all that pain and suffering, we think it doesn't have any impact on our life.  The proverbial if I don't look or get too close to it--I'll be safe.  Here is the thing--we are all so interconnected and if you don't think pain and suffering affects you personally--think again.  Every feeling you experience is not just your own--it is amplified by the many who are feeling that same feeling at the moment. 

Here is a little snippet from what I wrote on Facebook today:

Hello Everyone,

Today I am frustrated! Since my car accident, I have struggled to get proper care, struggled to get food on my table (my diet has eliminated several foods that I am allergic too-- I need to avoid them) and struggled to get rent paid, not mentioning the many other things I struggle with--not one day goes by throughout the last (nearly 3) years that I am in the just barely survive list--I say barely survive because my needs are truly not met. I feel blessed and grateful for the friends that surround me who have silently supported me on this journey which is why I am still in my apartment. I bring this all up because yet another creditor has called/mailed to tell me they are suing me--and I tell them my circumstances and they say I need to make a monthly payment plan--what they fail to realize is--I do make a monthly payment plan except it involves paying my rent, buying food, paper goods and feminine products. I'm so proud to say that physically I am doing much better thanks to my physical therapist and a new doctor who has heard me and helped me the last several months, but I am still only working part time because of several health issues that are as result of my car accident and improper care...what does that mean you ask? It means I am only able to take a couple clients a week (that is 2 for those of you wondering) and a class here or there. That happens only when I feel well enough to not cancel. I do not have the means to work more at this juncture--yet I hope soon I will be able to. This brings me to what I am going to do about this--I could cry, scream, become depressed--I've done that and it doesn't do any good. Instead, I am going to ask you all to help by donating items to the Homeless Shelter I have been collecting for since before Thanksgiving--there is a bin downstairs at the entry of my office. I also ask you to support your local food pantry or mine. I ask that you think before you donate--don't just do the canned goods, whole wheat products---realize there are people like me having to utilize such places that can't have the status quo. We need to help heal the population--not make them sicker because they have the misfortune of having no money. Please know that while I am frustrated today--it helps me to know that I am not choosing to be stuck and depressed--I am choosing love to be the answer. I am hoping this will inspire you all who can afford to help, to help the homeless and the food banks. It can be very scary out there--I know I've lived it. I put that in the past tense because I want to manifest a happy, healthy, abundant future. 

Thank you for listening. Peace and love to you all!

This was out of frustration--I got angry, sad and then I just thought about how we are all struggling on some level. It isn't necessarily obvious--I mean I don't think people look at me and think--she is financially struggling--I try not to focus on it and I try not to go there because I know better--it will keep me stuck.  I just wish that everyone would understand we are all one and not think that we are different from another--we only want be loved and feel safe. ALL that comes at us from different directions that makes us feel unsafe and unloved is why we react in fear.  If we can all come from this standpoint, the world will be a better place and maybe the energies that are dark will learn a thing or two about what it feels like to be safe and loved.   Think about this over the holiday season and do give from your heart in anyway that you can. I find those that have the least tend to give the most. Let's make it the other way around.  Find a homeless shelter to donate to, domestic violence shelter to donate to and/or a food bank near you.  Those little things you give can make a world of difference in someone's life.  Blessings of love to you all...