Day 34 of 45 Days: Epiphany

Good Beautiful Saturday in CT.

Sun is shining after a few days of clouds and gloomy weather….I needed that when I woke up this morning—it has been a tough couple of weeks both physically, emotionally and mentally.  I’ve had very little sleep now in over a week and I am not used to this.  I am choosing to take it as a sign that I am getting better.  So onto today’s snippet.

Almost 25 years ago, I was doing some work on my spirit, but not completely in the way I do work on my spirit now. I was living at home with my parents and attended traditional therapy bi-weekly (haven't been to therapy in 22 years..now I have other tools). It was college break and I worked two part time jobs. My daily morning routine that summer (it took an hour and half to complete and I loved it!) was to wake up, ride my bike to a park in the town I lived in. I would pack with me a bottle of water, a piece of fruit, a book to read, a journal and pen. Sometimes I would take a yogurt too!  (Boy, thinking about it—some things never change—if you know me—I still take all that stuff with me, only exception is that I don’t take yogurt now!)  I'd park my bike and walk the park. After the walk, I'd make my way back to the bleachers to sit and relax. I would sit for a few minutes looking gathering in my "taste of sunshine". Then I would lie down on the bench and notice how good it felt to rise early in the morning on a summer day. After a few minutes of meditating, let’s face it that is really what it was, I’d sit up and say my prayers, eat my breakfast and decide to read or write in my journal. (As you can see I was always prepared.) It was so powerful for me-- I contemplated life...sometimes I did more writing than I did contemplating and other days I did more contemplating.  Often I would ponder bits of wisdom that would come to me; when I think back the wisdom I had as a 19 year old was far beyond my years—and quite honestly therapy wasn’t able to truly help me because I too was beyond what they could comprehend.  But I digress, I want to tell you about one particular day.  One morning I finally got it, I grasped very clearly a simple message that came to me.  It was so life changing and simple that most of us overlook this fact—believe me it was so profound that I would compare it to the message Yeshua gave me that summer day about “I am the Way”, the one I wrote you about early on in this class.  You will be amazed at how simple this is or you will be like “yes, I know”.  Well, either way stay out of your head with this one, step away from your ego that says yes I know, and open your heart  like that of the little child within you learning a new thing for the first time. The truth is—this is something we inherently know, but have forgotten and; even with the awareness, it gets forgotten at times as we get lost looking outside ourselves for the answers. You know what I mean, right?  Okay, okay onto it already:




No one can tell you they will love you forever because the only person in your forever is you. So you have to love yourself. -April Ann D’Amato

Do you we really comprehend it? Go ahead read it again.  Does it invoke in you the real meaning behind the words, not just the words?  Let your little child remember his/her first steps on the path of life when they discovered they can dress themselves, played dress up or got ready for the school play and looked in the mirror and felt true love for themselves for the first time; let me rephrase that, true “SELF-LOVE”.   It isn’t that you have to love yourself, but if you do, you will never really feel alone, you will always have love in your life, you will begin to make choices for your well-being not out of fear/patterning/loss.  There is so many doors that open when you love yourself.

To this day to read it...it pulls me back to the moment when I first discovered this all important truth. I remember I was walking on cloud nine when this came to me. So simple, so easy to comprehend or is it? So simple and real I should have known it, but I didn't feel it till that day. As much as I have felt it, reading that statement is just what I need to "remember" from time to time...I hope it sparks something in you too.   The point being you need to love yourself because you are truly the only one who will always be there for you.  Interesting thought isn’t it?  It is about ownership/responsibility/self-love and truth.   On that day, it occurred to me because my grandmother told me that she would be there for me at least until I graduated high school, but she actually died when I was 9 years old.  I was devastated and there started the fear of not being loved, the fear of abandonment and the patterns that needed to be corrected. It took me years to have this realization and I can honestly say I worked really consistently upon my self-love and there did come a time not too far off in the future after this epiphany that I had did I recognize I loved me, I value me and I am worthy and deserving of the life I desire.  It has empowered me to love me more, faith that what I feel inside of me is truth and courage to endure being single until the time is right for me.  (I say courage because my twinflame journey has taken a lot of faith and courage to keep on its path.  It would be so easy to give up and settle like most people do and not wait for real love, but that one phrase above propel me forward always.)  I hope this helps you too.

Pardon me for the wordy snippet this day, but spirit tells me to write what I feel and sometimes my feelings can be wordy....

Some thoughts for you to ponder:

What does that one sentence mean to you?  Does it change you?  Will it change how you view the “wanting/needing/expectation” of relationships and/or love from outside yourself? 

Where do you feel what I wrote in your body? Do you have a physcial, mental or emotional reaction?

Energy Thoughts: Trail of Light

Good Morning/Evening Everyone,

It is true!!! Mercury is ready to move direct!!! Hooray. I'm ready to throw a celebration.  FINALLY!! This has felt like the longest Mercury Retrograde ever.  Does anyone have any proof that this Mercury Retrograde has lasted longer than previous ones? I'd love that to be the reason it felt so long! hahaha  Unfortunately, it has been just as long as every Mercury Retrograde, but this one has seemed to be so long because of the intensity of the astrology within this Mercury Retrograde.  Did you feel this too? 

I have to apologize to you all for not getting an Energy Thoughts out to you sooner, well actually, since Mercury went retrograde.  It seemed near impossible for me to get anything in the form of writing done.  I had almost too much going on in my head to be able to grab a hold of a thought long enough to write about

it.  But I have to say that this past Saturday, I awoke with a shifting in my energy and I was saying, "I can feel it, I can feel it--Mercury is getting ready to move forward."  Of course, you have to shout it out the way I did: "I can feel it, I can feel it" in slow motion, sounding quite like you are under water with a deep, masculine voice because while I was feeling the shifting, it was only slightly then.  Now, here we are on July 1st, and it is moving and I feel a flow coming in.

Right before Mercury decided to go retrograde, I was ready to move forward, no, leap forward is more accurate; but then the energy was anything but a leaping type of energy.  It felt as if we were fighting through heavy molasses the whole time.  It was a lot of stops and starts and completing of tasks that were unfinished.  I think even if it didn't seem like it, it was a time of putting closure to many things.  For example, I had a lot of very vivid dreams of many people in my past, especially romantic relationships.  It felt like a final release happened with them so that I could move past those limits/beliefs I held while I was in relationship with them.  When I think about it, I think how profound that is.  I mean just because I moved on from the relationship and thought I healed the emotion/pain and was able to love again doesn't mean that all the limits/beliefs that were present were really released.  Now, I can say that I cried/grieved and allowed myself to know that there are no limits and the beliefs I hold now are much more in alignment with who I am now than who I was back then.  I used relationships as the example because astrologically, relationships were front and center, particularly romantic ones and isn't that one of the ways we learn our biggest lessons?   Now, not only were there relationship beliefs/paradigms up for completion/healing/closure, but so too were other things in your world. Did you notice similar patterns in your world?  If you didn't, look over the past few weeks and see what was brought up to you through others, through experiences or through your dream time.  On a side note, I feel confident that reunion is near for me and my beloved twin flame because I know he truly is undergoing the same things. I love you, my dear sweet man and I believe in you!

Now onto this energy we are experiencing.  We are just about to move forward, but their may be a little drag in your step. About a week and half after Mercury begins forward motion, things don't move as quickly as we like, but I feel that once we get through the next few days, we will gradually begin to notice the changes/decisions/truths that people have come to.  Imagine that, how close we are to the 4th of July in the United States where we celebrate Independence/Freedom.  I think you are going to start to see many people begin to stand up and celebrate their own independence and freedom.  This year is like no other we have had. There have been many things happening on the political/societal/financial/relationship front impacting us directly and yet no action has been taken or so it seems.  There has been a bubbling up of energy over the last months since we began 2014. And here we are, half way through the year and this second half is going to be like fireworks.  I mean many of us, if not all, have been ready for the changes since January 2014 hit and we started to gather the momentum to move forward, but then we got slammed astrologically. With the eclipse sandwich energy squeezing us in April and then a breather, of sorts (or just a holding of breath perhaps for some?)  until Mercury went retrograde a few weeks ago.  I think you will begin to see action taken by many as well as you will begin to see challenges and changes surface for nearly everyone. Breathe, I know that one last line freaked you out, right?   Challenges and changes?  Perhaps read it as: changes are challenging?  Changes, even good ones, can be a bit uncomfortable for a time while everyone settles in.  So, please do not read this to be all bad. Remember, everything is perception!

The beauty of Fourth of July is the fireworks, right?  The sound they make, a crackling then a pop?  Well, we (humanity) have been crackling for some time and they are ready to pop (embody their soul's truth).  This energy is going to help you pop out of where you are/what you have been doing/who you have been into where you are meant to be, doing what you came here to do and being who you truly are.  While we have been undergoing this internally over the last several months, the time has come now to share this wisdom/change/truth that has been cultivating within us, externally. Oh yes, surprising for some, hence why I use the word fireworks to describe and for others it will feel like, it is about time.  Oh and the funny thing my guides shared with me today was that it may seem random and all over the place to just your average run of the mill human of the 3D kind, but us multidimensional ones, we know better and it isn't random at all.  As a matter of fact, it is divine timing. (Yes, I know I don't often like that phrase either--I chalk it up there with Patience, but I digress.)  As these beautiful firecrackers (human soul's setting fire to their truth), light they will sparkle and flow and leave a trail of light behind them to light the way for others to "pop". Remember those beautiful sparklers you played with when you were a kid?  It left a trail of light.

 Well, you can be that kid again, you can be the one holding the sparkler, but that sparkler is you!  You shine bright each time you live authentically/love someone/love yourself/choose happiness/choose peace/embody your spirit/live your truth/expand your consciousness! (oh there is so much more, but you get the point, right?)  Well, that is what is going to happen --as each person sparks/lights up they will shine and leave a trail of light wherever they go. That beautiful light you embody will spark others to step into their truth/power/love/gifts to transform their realities too!  See how important you are to this journey we call life?  See how important you are to this planet we call earth? YOU, ME, WE are who we have been waiting for.  Promise me, and yourself that you will take steps each day to live your authentic/light-filled/love-sharing selves. 

Oh before I go, and yes, I am well aware that I ramble, but hopefully you don't mind and you find some usefulness/wisdom in my ramblings.  My guides did tell me today that July 18th is going to be a powerful day. I don't know exactly what that means, but it didn't feel bad.  It was simply a message they conveyed to me so I am sharing it with you.  Perhaps when the firecrackers really start popping?  ;-) 


In love,
EstaRa 

Feel free to share this energy update as long as you give credit to me as the author.  EstaRa (April D’Amato). ©

Valentine's Day Message on Relationships

Happy Love Day to you all!

Just in time for Valentine’s Day 2014,  a message about relationships in this new energy.  The following is a conversation I had with my guides as a result of a conversation I had with a client awhile back.   I feel this information pertains to all of humanity not just the client so I’m sharing it with you—the timing has not been right to share, until now.  

Conversation with my Guides:

 

Guides:  What kind of relationship do you want?  Do you want old paradigm or new paradigm man?

Me:  What does that mean? 

Guides: Old paradigm is more of the same where people select each other based on physical, material means rather than soul, spiritual connection.  In the old paradigm, there is always an imbalance in energy.  People are unhappy, but they stay in the relationships because of old paradigm beliefs. That is to say that the belief that being in a relationship is not about you, when in fact, it is all about you.  There is a prevalent belief among humans that you do not need to be happy or in love to be or stay married.  New paradigm means you choose from the heart and know what you want. You realize that relationship is about you.  You choose to be with someone because you want to be not because you have to be in relationship.  In the old paradigm there are limits as to what can happen.  In the new paradigm there are no limits to what can happen.  As more and more people evolve into who they are, it becomes more evident that old energy does not work with the new energy; instead it creates problems in current relationships as each individual seeks to express who they really are.

Guides: She needs to change up her dating method. (Client is dating again.)  She must ground herself daily into the new energy.  This is to say that she needs to bring her spirit into the physical realm so that her choices come from her spirit not her head or old expectations of relationships.

Me: Ground your energy and bring into physical what you have learned? (I asked for clarification)

Guides: She needs to become more feminine. 

Me:  What?  She is female.

Guides:  She is female, but it is imperative that she embrace her divine feminine energy, that is who she is.  She has expressed masculine energy more so because that is what has been considered acceptable on the planet; it is the old paradigm.  Masculine Energy is all about being Proactive, Taking Care of what Needs to be done, Pushing forward, Independence, Get things done.

Me: Okay?

Guides:  Feminine Energy is about being open and vulnerable. 

Me:  Vulnerable?

Guides: Yes, humans think the word vulnerable implies weakness or inability to stand up for oneself or inability to be empowered.  Unfortunately, women have learned to be more masculine in this earth experience than they are meant to be.  It has been a patriarchal society for so long that women feel that it is necessary to take on the attributes of being a masculine energy when in reality it perpetuates what is not wanted and keeps both men and women locked into a reality that they no longer wish to experience.  Women are not meant to be competitive, fast forward or fixers.  Feminine energy is all about cooperation and love.  It is about strength and empowerment from their gifts of being who they are.

Me: How does it pertain to relationships? (Since that is what we were discussing—sometimes I have to bring my guides around to the point –they are like me/they are me so we ramble---so much to say!! lol)

Guides:  To be more feminine in this time on the earth means to be more open to receiving love and be more vulnerable. (This pertains to men and women---everyone has both masculine and feminine energy inside of them.)

Me: (Again I asked for clarification.  They informed me that one of the things that my guides wanted me to share and know as a result of my car accident was to be open to receiving and asking for help when I need it. More on that below.)

Guides: Be vulnerable.  It is that simple.  Be who you are in every moment.  No fixing it for others, no pretending you can do it all alone, no doing it all alone.  Simply be who you are as you are in any moment.  If you are happy, be happy; if you are sad, be sad.  Simply being more of who you are…means being who you are in every moment that you are.  It does not mean you are weak, it means you do not hide who you are.  The power is in being you in every moment; that is what we mean by vulnerable.

Me: hmmm.  I love it.  I was thinking hmmm…human terms:  Wonder what that all means.  For all you women who try to be strong, be on your own, do it all yourself, accept a relationship that is not making you happy keeping that stiff upper lip--you are expressing a masculine vibe.  For those of you (men and women) who want a relationship in the new paradigm, you will want to express your feminine energy to attract your counterpart.  It means asking for help when it is needed. It means you do not have to do it all alone.  It means you can need another person.  It means it gives your human masculine counterpart a job, something for them to partner with.

Guides:  It isn’t that masculine energy comes in to save you, but yes it does.  It means that you get to express your feminine self.  Being you at any and all given moments, shows your vulnerability—it shows who you truly are.  That is what is attractive to your masculine counterparts, of the new paradigm, to see you, as you are.  If you have it all taken care of, then there is no need to cooperate with another.

Me: Any last thoughts about relationships?

Guides: The new paradigm is all about bringing love to the forefront of your human reality. If it is not love, the relationship will not last nor may not even begin.  The intention with which one goes forward in a relationship is set within their consciousness; therefore, as their consciousness expands so too does their ability to manifest the perfect, balanced love relationship for them.

On a personal note, my beloved twinflame (who I will refer to as twin throughout this note) has had the opportunity to see me in a way that he has not.  This car accident rendered me vulnerable. It didn’t make me helpless or weak. It simply allowed me to be where I was in how I was. Of course, I had plenty of people telling me how I should be and I didn’t listen to one—I chose to be where I was during the whole time and as a result I definitely feel I climbed several steps up the ladder to ascension these past months.

Back to twin, he has always seen me as ok.  Whenever something would go wrong, his words to me were “I know you are ok,  you are always ok.”  Meanwhile I felt like I was anything but ok during those times—the truth was I was always the strong one and could do it all on my own.  Show my vulnerability, are you crazy?  I used to think that isn’t happening, I would get hurt and open to getting hurt.  What I didn’t realize was that I was closed to getting hurt, but closed to letting love in.  I was closed to needing help, but closed to receiving the love I needed/wanted too!  This car accident showed me that I was not meant to be closed—I was meant to be where I was at that moment and this time period definitely gave me a lot of practice.  I also gave him the opportunity to be the masculine vibe.  It never occurred to me that I hadn’t allowed him to be the masculine vibe until this past year when he stepped in and was able to do something for me.  It made him feel really good about himself (like he is the man because he helped me, but not in a macho way, a good way) and allowed him to show me his love. 

Now, it was much easier for me to be vulnerable because I wasn’t exactly in the place of I’m okay and I can do it all by myself.  I even allowed him to hear me cry (something I was afraid would push him away); instead he stayed and listened to me. I treasure those moments because in those moments I allowed him to love me and allowed me to really feel the love he has for me.   This new paradigm energy is about giving because you want to and can; and receiving because you deserve it and you allow it.  Those are the simplest lessons we can take from this life.

It makes me think back to a story about a friend. Many years ago she told me that her husband had never seen her without make-up—she would wake up early and put it on before he would see her.  Really?  I thought it was ridiculous even back then; but what is more ridiculous is how truly sad it is how she limited herself.  Love is all about acceptance and that is what this energy is all about. Accepting you as you are, but even more accepting others as they become more of who they are. Oh yes, that leaves room for lots transitions and changes, but dear ones that is what you came here for.---to change the world and move into this new paradigm with a love relationship that matches it.  By the way…it is simply all about remembering not discovering because you already know all of this deep down inside you.  You just forgot.

With Love and remembrance,

EstaRa

Happy Valentine's Day!!