Day 34 of 45 Days: Epiphany

Good Beautiful Saturday in CT.

Sun is shining after a few days of clouds and gloomy weather….I needed that when I woke up this morning—it has been a tough couple of weeks both physically, emotionally and mentally.  I’ve had very little sleep now in over a week and I am not used to this.  I am choosing to take it as a sign that I am getting better.  So onto today’s snippet.

Almost 25 years ago, I was doing some work on my spirit, but not completely in the way I do work on my spirit now. I was living at home with my parents and attended traditional therapy bi-weekly (haven't been to therapy in 22 years..now I have other tools). It was college break and I worked two part time jobs. My daily morning routine that summer (it took an hour and half to complete and I loved it!) was to wake up, ride my bike to a park in the town I lived in. I would pack with me a bottle of water, a piece of fruit, a book to read, a journal and pen. Sometimes I would take a yogurt too!  (Boy, thinking about it—some things never change—if you know me—I still take all that stuff with me, only exception is that I don’t take yogurt now!)  I'd park my bike and walk the park. After the walk, I'd make my way back to the bleachers to sit and relax. I would sit for a few minutes looking gathering in my "taste of sunshine". Then I would lie down on the bench and notice how good it felt to rise early in the morning on a summer day. After a few minutes of meditating, let’s face it that is really what it was, I’d sit up and say my prayers, eat my breakfast and decide to read or write in my journal. (As you can see I was always prepared.) It was so powerful for me-- I contemplated life...sometimes I did more writing than I did contemplating and other days I did more contemplating.  Often I would ponder bits of wisdom that would come to me; when I think back the wisdom I had as a 19 year old was far beyond my years—and quite honestly therapy wasn’t able to truly help me because I too was beyond what they could comprehend.  But I digress, I want to tell you about one particular day.  One morning I finally got it, I grasped very clearly a simple message that came to me.  It was so life changing and simple that most of us overlook this fact—believe me it was so profound that I would compare it to the message Yeshua gave me that summer day about “I am the Way”, the one I wrote you about early on in this class.  You will be amazed at how simple this is or you will be like “yes, I know”.  Well, either way stay out of your head with this one, step away from your ego that says yes I know, and open your heart  like that of the little child within you learning a new thing for the first time. The truth is—this is something we inherently know, but have forgotten and; even with the awareness, it gets forgotten at times as we get lost looking outside ourselves for the answers. You know what I mean, right?  Okay, okay onto it already:




No one can tell you they will love you forever because the only person in your forever is you. So you have to love yourself. -April Ann D’Amato

Do you we really comprehend it? Go ahead read it again.  Does it invoke in you the real meaning behind the words, not just the words?  Let your little child remember his/her first steps on the path of life when they discovered they can dress themselves, played dress up or got ready for the school play and looked in the mirror and felt true love for themselves for the first time; let me rephrase that, true “SELF-LOVE”.   It isn’t that you have to love yourself, but if you do, you will never really feel alone, you will always have love in your life, you will begin to make choices for your well-being not out of fear/patterning/loss.  There is so many doors that open when you love yourself.

To this day to read it...it pulls me back to the moment when I first discovered this all important truth. I remember I was walking on cloud nine when this came to me. So simple, so easy to comprehend or is it? So simple and real I should have known it, but I didn't feel it till that day. As much as I have felt it, reading that statement is just what I need to "remember" from time to time...I hope it sparks something in you too.   The point being you need to love yourself because you are truly the only one who will always be there for you.  Interesting thought isn’t it?  It is about ownership/responsibility/self-love and truth.   On that day, it occurred to me because my grandmother told me that she would be there for me at least until I graduated high school, but she actually died when I was 9 years old.  I was devastated and there started the fear of not being loved, the fear of abandonment and the patterns that needed to be corrected. It took me years to have this realization and I can honestly say I worked really consistently upon my self-love and there did come a time not too far off in the future after this epiphany that I had did I recognize I loved me, I value me and I am worthy and deserving of the life I desire.  It has empowered me to love me more, faith that what I feel inside of me is truth and courage to endure being single until the time is right for me.  (I say courage because my twinflame journey has taken a lot of faith and courage to keep on its path.  It would be so easy to give up and settle like most people do and not wait for real love, but that one phrase above propel me forward always.)  I hope this helps you too.

Pardon me for the wordy snippet this day, but spirit tells me to write what I feel and sometimes my feelings can be wordy....

Some thoughts for you to ponder:

What does that one sentence mean to you?  Does it change you?  Will it change how you view the “wanting/needing/expectation” of relationships and/or love from outside yourself? 

Where do you feel what I wrote in your body? Do you have a physcial, mental or emotional reaction?

A Memory of Grandma and Grandpa

Yesterday was Friday the 13th and it got me to thinking about my Grandma and Grandpa.

I don't know if you all know the following story, but my Grandma died on Friday the 13th in 1981. (Yes, that is when those movies came out, but her death was from Alzheimer's Disease.) I remember the day clearly, I made it through the day at school with nothing bad happening--which that morning was my goal.  Later that day, when I got off the bus, my brother Jeff greeted my brother Randy and me,  instead of our mom who always greeted us off the bus.  We went over to our neighbors Aunt Min and Papa Jack.  We played until it was time to go home.  That is when my parents told us that my Grandma had died.

To get a better understanding of this experience is to fully comprehend what had happened.  My grandmother and my grandfather, who was a saint in how he took care of my grandma, came over the day before to visit us. I was sitting out in the backyard on a wooden glider swing that my father had made.  I was playing school with my imaginary classroom as I did my homework.  (Yes, I was a  bit of a nerd and did this all the time---but hey I got good grades.)  Grandma had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's months earlier and she was quickly being taking up by the disease.  But that day she came to the house, she remembered us all, including our dog Duchess.   She told me that she loved me and to remember that she always will. She said whatever is hers is mine.   That day before coming over, she made my grandfather go  buy a turkey for Thanksgiving and told my mother and father that everything is all set for the upcoming Thanksgiving.  My mom had her own experiences that day as well as I am sure each of my siblings did, but my experience was incredible to me.  When I talked to her out on the swing, I really felt like I finally had my grandma back. Instead, she died the next morning.

The interesting part of the story is that in school that morning we had an assembly in the cafeteria--I felt someone touch my left shoulder and I turned around to look--and there out in the hall was my grandma waving to me in the distance. What I must preface is that during my young years, I saw a lot of things that no one else saw--so for me to see my grandmother was not likely unusual.   What I didn't realize that morning of Friday the 13th, was that, at the same time she was passing, she had come by to wave good bye to me.  Of course, it was her spirit. I was very close to her and devastated when she died, but over the years I always knew she was there. I also always talked to her believing she could hear me even when I didn't get a response. She was was the first spirit to start visiting me when I was in high school---her spirit would wake me up about 2:30 in the morning with the smell of coffee (her favorite beverage definitely not my favorite).

 I'm telling you all this because today I am remembering them, but also as a message for all of you too.  Several years later, when I re-opened and re-connected to my spirit and stopped running around like a crazy woman in my old more traditional life in politics and corporate America, my grandmother was there to help me. I used to ask her if she heard me all those years having conversations with her.  She told me she was there every step of the way, even when I was not aware. She has helped me tremendously on this path that I am on, from the other side of course. I still think of her, miss her physical presence and talk with her all the time. Your family has passed away from this realm, but they are never far away.  They are always near by and definitely for gatherings where families come together.  They still want to share in the joy with you, they still watch over you.

My grandpa in this picture died a few years later on November 9, I believe he was holding on for my Grandma to come greet him around the anniversary of her death.   I was close to my grandfather as well, both and he and grandma often visited me in my dreams as a child to help me let them go physically, but to remind me that they loved me.  After they died, I no longer had grandparents--my father's mom died before my parents got married and my father's father--I didn't know him, but he too died on November 9th the same day as my Grandpa. (Yes, that really happened --talk about intense lessons to learn in this earth school.)  Family members often will visit in your dreams for a number of reasons.  Some of the reasons they visit is to say good bye, provide you with guidance and/or help you work through something.

Intense memories yes, but the love is always there and the peace I have with them by communicating with all of them on the other side is incredible. I do all kinds of things with my business, but one of the greatest gifts I have is to help people make peace with their loved ones who have crossed over. My grandparents have always been special to me here in this dimension, but they are still who I call upon when I  feel sad, lonely or want to feel loved.  This is a picture of them at their house in Newington. Remember you too, can call on your loved ones anytime that you wish.

Day 19 of My 45 Day Journey

Good Morning Warriors of Words, Thought Transformers,

I can't believe it is Day 19 and the last entry I made was Day 11.  Have I mentioned that time is in actuality moving more quickly?  I can't seem to find enough time in my days to write -not to mention we had a holiday mixed in there and I unplugged from the internet for the weekend.   With all my driving to doctors, physical therapy appointments, chiropractor appointments, etc--I feel wiped out at the end of my day and the last thing I have been wanting to do is write.  

However, I have discovered that I really like having the opportunity for self care in the evenings so about 7:30 or 8 p.m. I close down my computer and go into my room and do a little light stretching (in recent time, the light stretching has gotten a little lighter due to all the healing I have been finally receiving--YES finally found good people to work with!).  This journey is helping me to reconnect to me in different ways some are old-new ways.  

Yesterday's snippet I emailed out is below.  My writing is in the blue-grey and the words from an article called, How to Stop Negative Thinking are written in italics and in white. I had some good self discovery in just writing out my snippet yesterday.

 Today, I’d like you to view Negativity a little differently. I’d like you to see that there are, in fact advantages to thinking negative.  Yep, I  just said that there are advantages to thinking negatively.  I didn’t say there are necessarily “positive advantages to staying negative, but I did say there are advantages.  For when you stay negative it creates the energy of stagnation, lack of change, which keeps you safe and protected. Hmmm, what does that mean?  Well, take a look here at a snippet from the article: How to Stop Negative Thinking below.   Under each section, I wrote some questions down for you to journal about.  The least this can do is get you thinking.

Thinking 'the worst', expecting failure and betrayal, seeing downsides where others don't, even seeing positives as negatives - all convey a kind of insurance policy. "If I expect the worst, then I won't be disappointed when it happens."

This used to be such an easy trap for me when I was a kid, I had a lot of disappointment growing up so in my early 20’s I always thought that way and when things went right, out of nowhere, I would be “surprised”.  Think over your life and experiences, in what areas/situations have you(do you) done this?

Another 'advantage' to negative thinking is the 'I told you so' syndrome. For some, it can feel more important to be proved right in their negative predictions than to have good things happen (and therefore be proved 'wrong').

Wow, another reminder of how I used to think too.  This “habit” started when I was in my mid-20’s, perhaps because my ego started to get a bit bigger and I saw what people thought when I (or others) was wrong so I was determined to be right.   Interestingly, what I also discovered is that with my car accident and not being heard by doctors, being mistreated by doctors---I found that I really want to be heard!  Therefore, I almost got caught up in this "told you so" syndrome.  Mind you, I have never exaggerated about my symptoms and body pains --if anything I downplayed much of it, but still not being heard made me want to prove to them (the doctors) how bad I really am which again would have gotten me caught up in that  "Spiral of Hell" as I like to call it. 

How does this play itself out in your life?    By the way,  there are people in my life (friends) that always think they are right and will actually argue with me when I know what I am saying is right--they are so afraid of looking like they are wrong--they will go on and on--and I finally just give in to them and say ok. (of course, they (friends) don't realize that I am doing that--and some (others observing) may view that I am being a pushover, but really it is simply because I realize they too "want to be heard" or want to "feel important", and perhaps that is the only way they feel heard is if they are "being right" whether they are or not.)

Before I get too positive about negativity, here's a thought: The habit of thinking negatively doesn't just predict how likely someone is to become depressed, but also predicts how likely they are to suffer all kinds of other illnesses later on in life as well.  I'm not suggesting that negative thoughts alone produce illness, but they don't help.

The most common negative thinking mistake… to describe himself as a 'realist'. Of course, anyone who strongly holds a belief think they are being 'realistic' in holding it, whether it involves green men from Mars or honest politicians.

The 'more realistic' proclamation is a favorite of cynics everywhere. And in a way they are right. But only because thinking negatively causes us not to try - or if we do try, to give up sooner - so the negativity itself influences results. Self-fulfilling prophecies really do happen. Research has even found that what we believe about our health can have more bearing on how long we live than our actual health. 

This is a favorite of those around me all the time!!  I used to get caught up in the trap of listening to people tell me to be realistic.  I am quite the believer of love, imaginer of big dreams and seeker of truth, but I have met more than my share of people who freely offer their opinions on my life, and are “trying to look out for me”,  “just don’t want me to make the same mistakes they did” or “really believe the worst will happen”.  Now, those people I just mentioned really do believe they are trying to help me, and that would be fine and all if I didn’t/don’t allow it to get in my head and mess with my dreams, goals and aspirations.  But, unfortunately sometimes they did/do and it undermines what I am trying to do.  If there is one area that I need to work on---it is likely this.   I do think friends and family can be a culprit of this; however, I do also believe they have the best interests in mind.  It would behoove us to choose to accept where their intention is but risk making our own “mistakes”, that is, if there are mistakes to be made.  One way, I learn to counteract this is to go into my heart, not my head, and find my truth there.

So, negative thoughts can plague us even when things seem to be going well: "It's too good to last!" Negative thinking distorts perception.

Now, to really do this journal entry/exercise justice would be to really look at your life, experiences, interactions and reality honestly.  No one is there to judge you—not even you (if you remember, this is a no-judgment zone)!  The more honest you are with yourself the more you will be able to transform your life.

In love,

EstaRa

Day 1 of 45 Days of Releasing Negativity

Hello World,

Yep, you guessed it!  This is my new journey to clearing out the old, releasing negativity and opening my world to manifesting my dreams. As with anything I begin, I started not only building up resistance to begin this journey over the last couple of days, but since I invited everyone to follow me and join in, I've got to stick with it!  Not to mention the great benefits I will be reaping at year's end.  Not only did I notice the resistance I began feeling, but I also started to experience an influx of crankiness that I am sure my friends will gladly tell you about from yesterday.  I wanted to pout, cry, scream from exhaustion and frustration. (of course, I have to be completely honest--much of what I am experiencing I am absolutely sure my twinflame is experiencing the same after our conversation last week.  As a matter of fact I really do believe it may be a majority of his stuff spilling over into my reality--which normally I would pout and complain about and do, but that was yesterday.  Today, I am excited to say if his stuff is so easy to spill over into my reality, (and dag nabbit, it is)then this next 45 days will be extremely interesting for him too as my challenge/changes will spill over into his reality too!

So you are reading and thinking, she is crazy. Well, I may be, but everyone has their own reasons/definitions for crazy.  The thing is that whenever I am preparing to do something that may (often does) transform me I get a ton of resistance building up inside me.  It is not a conscious thing that happens or that I choose, it is something I have learned to become aware of over the years.  For example, I would book a retreat weekend and be excited so excited that I would plan to leave really early so I can make a day of the journey to get there, but then the nearer it got I found I would procrastinate and leave just enough time to arrive on time, but definitely not early.  I would go to these retreats unassuming and experience all kinds of healing and transformation at the end of the weekend and realize, "wow that is what all that resistance is about."  I was never conscious of the "fear of change" or "fear of transformation and certainly it wasn't apparent while traipsing through it.  Actually it was more like a sideswipe for me from out of nowhere and then upon reflection afterward it was clear to me that there is/was an egoic part of me afraid to change and let go of the comfort.  Comfort can mean many things to people and in this instance to not change was comfortable.

Now, I tell you all this because perhaps you are experiencing something similar and perhaps you are are not aware. My awareness grew out of getting know me and well, it was years and years before I had a clue.
 
So I woke this morning cranky as heck!  I was frustrated at things and procrastinated in getting things done. It was a wonder that I didn't struggle getting dressed. But I was typing away this morning and then my computer locked up, I spilled something and then I was overwhelmed by the energy so that tells me that I am preparing to really release.  Not to mention that this morning's lesson I sent out made me realize I definitely had some homework to do to prepare. The phrase "You are Unlimited Potential" is earth shattering in a good way.  Today, it reminded me that I am unlimited potential--now is this something I have always known? Yes. Is it something that I needed to be reminded of: ABSOLUTELY. Even I forget and often I teach my clients and students these things, but I fail to remember to apply it to me. I hold myself up to an even higher standard, sound familiar ? I am sure some of you do too.

Anyway, I am off to complete my day as I have been writing on and off into this blog since this morning when I lost my connection because the computer froze. 

I did catch myself saying things like, "where the heck did I put that?" In a very demeaning way like saying "you're so stupid" without saying because that is what the intent was behind the first sentence.  Interesting little way I can beat me up without making it sound like it, huh?  Sneaky little buggers those self-criticizing thoughts are.  Blessings to you and wishing you well..stay tuned...will be back tomorrow for another blog on my journey of releasing negativity. 

Inspirational Snippet: Clarity is Coming

Good Morning,  I was prompted by my guides to share Soul Star Healing's facebook message to the children of earth and expand a bit upon it. “Today's Message:  Everyone has an inner compass called intuition and for those of us that are awakened, and have been for some time, it is set on high at this time. You will begin to see more clearly over the next several months the truths that have been hidden. The discovery will uncover societal/financial/governmental truths on a local and global scale.  You will also uncover the beliefs/parts of yourself that you have kept hidden or are/were in denial of.  This is the first step in creating our new reality/paradigm; exposing the hidden truths. Trust your inner compass above all else, but know that is not to be confused by what your head holds as truth for many times there is a conflict between head and heart.  The heart is what your soul expresses to you as your inner truth, so I suggest listen carefully to what your heart is pulling you too!"~EstaRA Everyone often wonders, how can I access my intuition?  How can I develop it?  It may seem mystical , magical and unattainable to develop your gift of intuition, but dear ones it is a gift that each and every one of you have.  The magic is when you stop listening to the world outside bombarding you with ideas of what is good, true and acceptable and you start listening to the voice inside of you. The quickest easiest way to access your intuition and maintain that is to work on yourself.  Using my guides message from above.   See your truth.  Not the truth that you wish to share with the world because it is good or makes you look good.  See the truth in you that many do not know and really get real with yourself.  It is time to look at all the untruths you have been living and seek to understand why?  Seek to know what makes you "tick" so to speak.  I promise you that it is worth the journey.  Believe me, I didn't wake up one day and say wow I am psychic.  Like you I came to Earth knowing that I was special, but growing up and being bombarded by other people's ideas of what is good, true and acceptable shut me down.  The only thing that ever helped me to wake up was to look at my life and get serious about changing it.  I needed to truly look at me “naked in the mirror of life” so to speak to see all of me and understand why I was holding onto the lessons and choosing to not learn them or better choosing to not see them.  For starters, I had to see the responsibility I had for what I brought into my life and the responsibility I had to change my life.  Once I was able to see me and my life more clearly, I saw that everything became changeable.  Look inside you before you try to help others because I promise once you see you and your life more clearly; then you can see everything and everyone more clearly. Question everything about the world you live in and begin to see what takes place.  With an quiet mind, open heart and the ability to see more clearly you will start to see the truths that others are expressing too from personal to global perspectives. My wish for you today is to use your inner compass and follow your truth. Love to you, EstaRa

Inspirational Snippet: Best Life Possible

Inspirational Snippet: Best Life Possible

I was in the shower this morning and I drifted to thoughts of magic, miracles and changes that are taking place at this time and how the astrology is on our side.  Everyone always wonders what they need to be doing and what they should be doing (I even fall into this trap now and again), but the real question is: Is there anything more that you can be doing to make your dreams come true?  I pondered that in the shower and came up with this message for my Soul Star Healing Fan Page on Facebook and I am sharing this with you.

Today's Message:  Everyday find something positive to believe in, find something that moves you and find that your light shines brighter when you do.  Miracles happen every day, the one you have been waiting for is on it's way to you.  I believe in Miracles and I believe in you! Have the best life possible, not the one others’ have set out for you, not the ones you read about, not even what you think is possible, but what feels like the perfect life for you.   Find that the best life possible is the love you feel inside you that makes you glow every time you think of being/doing/living it.  We are at a time on this planet when the impossible becomes possible, when the fear turns into courage and when the dreams you have had become reality. 

Beyond what I described above, there is nothing else for you to do to.  Just allow the miracles to happen because each step you take and each time you believe in something that moves you the energy and power of your light grows and magnetizes the miracles to you.  My guides are with me now and emphasizing that you truly are a magnet for all the energy/miracles you desire.  They are suggesting that you clear your energy daily so that you can be sure that the energy you are bringing in is light/truth/love.  (If you are unsure how to clear your energy, join one on my upcoming classes or schedule an appointment with me and I will be happy to show you how.)


My wish for you is to have the best life possible!

Love to you,
EstaRa

Energy Thoughts: Reclaim Your Power

Welcome to your new reality. By now you should be getting glimpses of where your new reality falls softly upon the earth.

Imagine for one moment that all the things have been surfacing/scaring/freaking you out over the last few weeks/months/even years was all on purpose?  Designed to help you clear your path for what it is you say you would like to manifest. Making the path more smooth for this new realty that you are walking/running/speeding into.  Yes, the bleeps/bumps/bruises that you have had to endure are there on purpose.   Did you rethink/recheck your plans or even your destination?  Now, take a deep breath and let that thought sink slowly into your energy field and feel your way through it.  Does it make any sense to you now, with this knowledge, that all you had to go through brought you here and now?  (If not take/allow a little more time for that message to sink down into you.)  That is what has been happening/is happening since the shift into 2012. The astrological events that have been transpiring have coincided with the greatest shift within humanity's consciousness.  It is not by accident that you are here now and that the planets alignments are such--this is what you and all of humanity has been waiting for--the opportunity to reclaim your power.

There is no one in control--no one in the driver seat, but you.  Ahh--yes, what about God you ask.  Well, God/Spirit/Source/Higher Power whichever word you wish to use is right there inside of you.  It is the divine spark within you that utilizes your life experiences/environment/DNA/thought forms/beliefs internally and externally to create your reality.  Yes, there is a beautiful energetic source of all love, but what really matters most is not the so called source outside of you. No, what matters most is that you are searching/reaching for what you already have inside of you.   I think of the story,  "The Wizard of Oz" when I think to explain this. Like Dorothy's experience/journey down the yellow brick road on her way to the Emerald City, she meets challenges/obstacles/friends along the way, sounds familiar right?   All the talk and all the belief that this Great Wizard could provide Dorothy and her friends with what they were looking for, in the end wasn't true--but everyone believed it was true, so Dorothy was encouraged to search outside of herself the whole way to the Emerald City having blind faith.  Imagine for one moment if you were Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz or the Cowardly Lion looking for his courage or you were the Tin Man in search of his heart or the Scarecrow in search of his knowing.    At the end of their journey was they found was far less than they expected: a little man behind a curtain pretending to be great/all knowing, someone they had given their power away to. (In some ways, I equate that to religion, and the belief that you do not have a divine connection to God yourself.)  What they found with the Wizard  was the truth that they had it all along inside of them. The power always resided inside of them.  What changed for them, was their perception, and the discovery that the power for all the things they were looking for always resided inside of them.  If you are tired of the way

things are and how they have been playing out, then it is time for you to change your perception.  Be grateful to the universe for providing a forum (astrological alignments/energetic shifts) for you to do just that, by clearing you and making way to remind you of what you have inside of you.  The answers will never be found outside of ourselves.  The answers will always lie within our hearts.  It is up to us to quiet our mind,  find our way along the journey (the yellow brick road so to speak) and recognize that you will encounter many obstacles, roadblocks (trees throwing apples or flying monkeys) and reclaim our power (Emerald City), but keep moving forward and you will find your way home/heart/courage/knowing.  It really is that simple and yet, that difficult too!

It's the end of May, well into a new season, well into a time of sprouting and new growth.  The next couple of months, I suspect you will encounter great change.  Your life will begin to reflect all the changes that you have so longed for and have worked towards.  Your life will begin to be the embodiment of what it is you put out to the universe--it could be simply a love filled existence or a more complex one, but it reflects what you have been putting your energy towards.  Nothing is locked in permanently, ever; however, this is a train you just got on and I suggest riding it for a little while before making a decision to get off the train.  It will provide you with much needed self love, guidance and hope going forward.  Just remember if we don't like something, then we can change the compass by altering our perception.  Quick tip on how to change your perception in the moment that you are going through something. Stop whatever it is you are doing, pull your car over, hang up the phone, stop the conversation if you have to, but stop.  Take in a five conscious deep breaths.  Now, look at it again. Try this, I promise, it will make a difference.

In love,
EstaRa

Feel free to share this energy update as long as you give credit to me as the author.  EstaRa (April D’Amato). ©