Day Seven on My Quest to Keep the Faith

Good Morning, Everyone.

Woke up in the middle of the night with the song on my head. When I woke up again this morning, I heard it again. It was playing over and over again in my head. Often how I get messages is the music that plays in my head upon waking. This is the song:

I want to suggest you really hear the lyrics. I feel like the song is about a choice and a new beginning. (Perhaps that is not what is meant by Duran Duran, but I have to go with my gut on this one and it feels like leaving behind the old is a choice and waking to the light of your soul on this new moon is another choice.) My guides for the past few weeks have been saying hibernate, hibernate and all will be different on January 23rd. I didn't realize what they meant until a couple of days ago when I figured out that it was the new moon today and things began to feel a little lighter. There was a sense of forward movement in the universe.

As I type this for all of you, I realize that the song has a lot to do with my twinflame. Today is the new moon and his life will take a turn too. It is time to move forward and boy will life move forward not only for me, but for him as well as all of you too! I want to tell him to get ready, life is about to happen and love is about to become the choice he makes. It feels like the energy has been stagnant and in a stalemate since the Solstice on Dec. 21st. We are getting the go ahead from our angels and guides to take those steps to move forward whether we consciously take them or not. My beloved is going to consciously wake up to love sooner than he even thinks. I feel it to be true today....or has he already?

About an hour after working out this morning, I heard the following song...Could it be I'm falling in love? A song that I heard for a few weeks back in the end of summer of 2010. It was from my twin when we hadn't talked for three months and he was longing to connect with me and he did and all I could feel with him was love when he did connect with me. He even told me he loved me when we talked again. Another long story which I shall share another day... Back to the song, I feel like this is from my twin letting me know he is choosing love....on that note....

I am off for now...I feel more at peace today than the past weekend...

Inspriational Snippet: Self Created Mystery

Good Morning,

I woke to find this quote in my inbox and thought how appropriate it is to share on this day of the New Moon. A quote by Thomas Merton:

"The world as pure object is something that is not there. It is not a reality outside us for which we exist....It is a living and self-creating mystery of which I am myself a part, to which I am myself, my own unique door."

I love this quote because it speaks to us clearly about the fact that we create our life. What we feel and live inside ourselves (our heads and hearts) is what we are living not what the outer world is making us be and become because our outer world is a reflection of what is going on in our inner world. You are the creator of your life. Every thought, feeling and belief is what opens the door to what we experience. Hence, why Thomas Merton suggests the self- creating mystery. What we feel and think moment to moment creates the mystery known as our life. You have to love the power we have.

My wish for you is to understand this, be more conscious of your thoughts and beliefs and to create from a place of love, a place you wish to be and make the life you have always dreamed of happen. If you are having difficulty in doing this and need a little help. My guides suggested that I offer a class in February called "Manifest Your Dreams with Your Thoughts"; it will be held two Saturdays, February 18, 25 from 2:00 to 4:00 p.m. (The date that went out was incorrect in my class listings--oops!) This class will jumpstart your ability to manifest your dreams.

Be love,
EstaRa

Birds Arrived

I sit here this morning looking out my picture window. Yes, again...I don't have curtains on my living room window because I can't afford a curtain rod that big right now. So it is completely open for me. I have to say that I honestly like it completely open despite the fact that it may make this room a little more cold than normal. I get this beautiful show of nature right before my eyes. I mean I have been sitting here getting ready to write to you all and I have been sidetracked by the show the birds and squirrels are putting on for me. I don't remember ever seeing nature as amazing at I am seeing it right now, right here. Probably because windows are usually covered in the window to keep out the cold or because windows are not the focus of the room. Yes, I have a television, but I hardly ever have that on. Instead, I watch the nature show right outside my window. I love it. It keeps me in the mode of enjoy moment to moment.

I woke up this morning with thoughts of my twin. (When I use the word twin, I am almost always referring to my twinflame as I do not have a biological twin just a soul twinflame.) I always feel him ethereally. I woke with the sensation that he was in bed next to me. I felt his arms around me, holding me. I didn't want to open my eyes to I could continue to experience the feeling a little while longer. So I slept in late today. I even saw glimpses of him sleeping in this morning too. I saw his soft smile as he lay in bed peacefully sleeping. I love that smile. It brings tears to my eyes to think about his smile; I haven't seen his smile in person since June 2011. This is the longest it has been since I have seen him in a few years because for awhile there he made time to see me. Now, he tells me it is too difficult to make time, but I know better. What I know is that it is too difficult for him to feel all the love he feels for me. The beauty and curse for him is that he loves me. And, he can't hide it anymore. He feels it all the time and when he sees me it pains him to know how much he loves me and is not with me. I feel honored that his love is so powerful, but at the same time I feel so hurt that he would rather not be with me at this time because of the fears he has of changing his life. I will stop there because today I am not wanting to go down that emotional path today...it may creep up later, but I don't want to bring it to the forefront..back to watching the birds. By the way, the birds are all black with the exception of the two blue jays that arrived...thank you blue jays. Here is a message about the animal totem blue jay...

"Blue jay animal symbolism resonates truth, faithfulness, and solidarity because they are vigilant in their tasks. They also keep the same mate for life, which is symbolic of endurance, patience and loyalty. The jay is an excellent symbol for those wishing to honor their long-lasting bond between friends, family and lovers." Excerpt from the website: http://www.whats-your-sign.com.

Appropriate me thinks as I type this about my beloved twinflame....and again, did you notice the word faithfulness there? Hmm....someone is trying to get me to hold on....

I am so grateful for the show nature is putting on for me so that I have something beautiful to focus upon all day.

Nothing to Report

Hello Everyone,

It is 9:00 p.m. and this is the first I am blogging. It is day five of this journey of twinflame faith. Today, I watched the snow fall outside my window--it was magical. It looked like I was in a snowglobe. The only thing missing is my twinflame. I really miss him this evening (and yes there really isn't any time that I don't miss him, but more today than usual). I want to talk with him. I want to hear his voice. I wish he were here to enjoy the snowfall with me. Nothing to really share today; so I am going to share a song that one of my friends shared with me....




It is definitely a twinflame song and sure feels like me; especially sitting here listening to this song....

I Still Glow

Good Morning World,

It is day four of my adventure into keeping the faith and this week it has been really difficult so now I know why my guides want me to blog about my faith that my twinflame. It has not been easy and everything is pointing to Valentine's Day and wondering if I will hear from him by then or not. Though, I did tell him do not call me that if he wanted to talk to me then he would have to come see me. Okay so emotional on that one to say the least. It was for my highest good and ultimately for his too. What does that all mean? I don't know if I will hear from him. I don't know what will happen. I can tell you what I do know. I know I will see him and I know that we will be together---the how's, the why's, the when's, the what's I am not supposed to be asking about as told by my guides. They said those questions leave doubts so when I talk about my twinflame--try to help me by not asking those questions. :) Anyway, there is much more to talk about as yesterday was a little enlightening for me.

I discovered two things yesterday. The first is about my birthday. My birthday is March 1 in case you all didn't know and this year I will be 40. Wow--I know a lot of women don't like giving out their age, but me on the other hand I have no problem--I love me just as I am. I was writing an email to a friend yesterday and discovered something about me and my twinflame. The hardest time of year for me during this time of knowing him is not Christmas, not New Years, but my birthday. My birthday is so important to me; and I want him there with me in some way, shape or form. (and ethereally doesn't count as I know he will be there that way and has been there that way for many years.) As I was writing to my friend, I, for the first time, realized that it was because my birthday symbolizes me coming back into this life to be with him. I realized I came back in this life (because I had already ascended) only to reunite with him and bring him home. What a revelation to me. It helped me to understand my sadness around this time of year.

My journey with this man has been nearly seven years as I may have mentioned and there is only one time that he acknowledged my birthday in some way. He called me on the day and sang Happy Birthday to me in a voicemail (that was huge--he normally never leaves voicemails--if he ever does then I would know things have really shifted within him because I can't imagine that he doesn't leave anyone a voicemail). Anyway, I digress, but what a big reveal for me.

The next revelation came when I was having lunch with a friend yesterday. We were out to lunch and she asked how is the "man"? The interesting thing and I do have to digress for a moment is that people are so kind, but they do not understand the whole twinflame thing and how it is definitely not a normal relationship by society's standards--it is far beyond that in many ways: good, bad, indifferent. I really believe that sometimes my friends appease me by listening and just think I am plain crazy to love this man, but it is what it is; and truthfully, I would probably think the same if I didn't know better and wait yes, I have thought the same thing about me many, many times.

Anyway back to my revelation. I was talking a very short bit about him and she said to me you, you look radiant and then as I talked about him, she told me I was glowing. It struck me because I had forgotten; I had forgotten that I glow. (unfortunately, it has been heavy and emotional for me with regard to my twinflame for some time.), That is something I do. I glow! I come alive when I think about him, when I talk about him and when I am with him. (Just a side note, he does too!! Remember, I told you he was older than me? Well, when he is in my presence, he drops all those years and becomes a teenage boy! He is adorable!!)

It brought me back to when I first met him; well that is not entirely true. I met my twinflame online. Yes, on the computer. I was home sitting at my computer and drafting up my first brochure for my business. I was such a procrastinator then so I popped online. (Back when online was safe and people where mostly truthful like giving real names.) I went into an AOL chat room. (Back when AOL chatrooms were somewhat normal--I wouldn't know now, but I know shortly after that time things were really not so good.) That is how I met him. (I'll explain more someday.) So to quickly get to my point, we talked almost daily online. We hadn't talked on the phone yet and then one night I was getting ready to go to a Pampered Chef Party at a friend's house. I was home waiting for my other friend to come by and pick me up. He called me. (We couldn't wait to hear each other's voice.) I remember it like it was yesterday. He sounded so cute. (that is what I thought that day.) I loved his voice. The point is that I was talking to him on the phone when my doorbell rang. I answered the door and let my friend walk in. I told him that I had to go (it was brief ten minute conversation) and when I hung up, I exclaimed, "I love his voice and I adore this man; there is something about him." My friend looked at me and said "You are glowing." She said, "I have never seen you look this way. Not even about your ex-boyfriend. You are simply beautiful you are just glowing."

I think I have always glowed whenever I think about him, talked to him or seen him since that day. (Perhaps, I had glowed sooner, but no one was there to witness it.) The magic is that I still glow...

Day 3: Allowing Yourself to Believe in the Impossible

Good Morning World, are you out there?

I hope someone is out there witnessing parts of my journey. I am so grateful and I feel so blessed from last year's experiences that on New Year's day as I always do I make a list of what I want to manifest for the year ahead and beyond. This year was so different for me. I truly only had one thing that I wished to manifest and that is the reunion of me and my twinflame in the physical 3D permanently. I felt such deep gratitude for the previous year. I honestly haven't been able to share with you all the magic with which transpired over the past year because so much happened and so quickly that I just couldn't keep up on my blog.

Last year 2011 was one of the most incredible years I had in terms of impossibilities becoming possible. I mean really when I think about all the magnificient things that I allowed in last year (notice I said allowed? The reality is that we are the only ones who allow or prevent things from truly manifesting in our life--we are the captain of our ship--and no not sailing anywhere just yet.) I allowed so much into my life because I was in the faith that everything is possible. I am still in that faith. I surround myself with people in that faith--not to say that I am 24 x7 in that faith believe me I have my moments too..just ask my friends. Hence why I am on my mission to stay in the faith of it all...a direct assignment from my guides and you will be living this assignment with me if you wish to follow along. The truth is that the only thing in my life that I feel doubt about from time to time is my twinflame reunion. The thing is that since I have met him I saw our future and it has not happened as of yet. However, the problem or snag in it all is just that it hasn't happened yet. Notice I emphasize yet because I am guided to say that and feel that is most appropriate to say. I still believe I will be with him. Right now I am "allowing" the universe to bring to me my reunion. It is time now I know that, I feel that and I believe that.

This morning when I woke up I was visited by beloved Saint Germain and he shared the following message with me to share with everyone..."Believe in the impossible! Humans often focus their energy and attention on things being impossible; if they only knew what makes things impossible is the way they are thinking. Today look at everything in your world and believe it is possible. Watch how quickly you transform your life and the world around you."

So today in my life I will hold moment to moment my belief in the impossible (the reunion of my twinflame) as humanly it sometimes appears as if it could never happen. But I am told it will so I stay in faith and believe.

Day 2: The Quest to Stay in Faith

It is day two of my quest to stay in the faith of it all; that is the faith of my reunion of the My reunion with my twinflame is the one thing I have been manifesting since I was 5. Age 5, you say? You wonder how that is possible. Well, I will tell you. When I was a five year old little girl, I had many memories from my past lives. Here are just a few: I actually remembered incarnating as a horse, living and dying in the Holocaust and having the knowledge that I was born too late. God Bless my parents for having a child like me back in the 70's. I look at the children today and I see how difficult it can be for them, but them I think back to just how difficult it was for me at times, hence the being sick all the time as a child. The good news for children today is that they have more open opportunities around them and parents are much more open. But I digress, back to my experience as a little girl at five years old. When I was five years old and really throughout my childhood, I would tell everyone that I was born too late. People would ask me if my birthday was in April since my parents named me April; and I would tell them no I was born in March because I couldn't wait to get here. I knew that my twin had come back to Earth before me. I knew that he would be older than me. Hence he is older than me. I was so sure that this lifetime was it. I remember a few years ago when I was working on one of my clients I saw a lot of her past lives come up during our healing session and it was connected to her throat chakra and her need to express herself. I told her what I saw when I was working on her. She asked me if I ever did a between lives reading the time between lives. I told her no and she said she had and didn't like what she saw and wondered why she came back. I immediately said to her, "I have no idea why I came back." In that moment, I was pulled out of this dimension into another where I was in a spiral of energy (it felt like I was gone at least and hour, but it was only a moment) where I was shown why I came back to be with him, my twinflame. I was told in that moment of time that the reason I came back was to be with him that this is the lifetime we would finally reunite with each other. I will end here now today with the following: I knew the moment I heard his voice that he was the one...