Day 14: End of January

It's the end of January and I am on my quest to keep the faith about me and my twin flame. It has been two full weeks and well to be honest, I know I haven't been doing too well. My guides want me to step it up a notch and be in the love!! Be in the Love.

So last night I was on the phone with one of my friends and I was sharing all these funny stories of me and my twin. I was thinking about just how much I love him. I mean I really wonder sometimes why? Not why I love him--he is completely and utterly loveable---it is quite magnificent really. (Not sure he would agree with that interpretation yet. I say yet because someday soon he will agree he is loveable, magnificent and deserves to be happy. By the way, his lack of agreeing that he is loveable, magnificent and deserving of happiness lends to why we are not together as of yet.) I wonder how I could love someone so much who isn't with, who hasn't shared his love with me, who hasn't shared his life with me; and yet, I love everything about him. How is that possible one would ask? I mean everything--even the quirky annoying things, even his bad behavior--I love him. Until I met him and until I had all these truly bizarre experiences over the last several years, I didn't know what unconditional love was. I thank you, my beloved twinflame, for teaching me unconditional love.

Did he teach me unconditional love by loving me unconditionally? NO that definitely was not how. He taught me by being who he is at every moment of every day--the good, the bad (sometimes really painful) and the indifferent behavior and parts of himself--I realized that no matter what I truly love this man. It was really a surprising revelation to me. That is pure and true unconditional love. So I went to bed last night with happy thoughts of his head...I love his head...he has a beautiful heart and his face is so full of light. (he doesn't even know and unfortunately, those around him probably haven't really noticed either.) But I do and did....I love his head. (so much so that I can't stop looking at him) :)

I woke up this morning with Raphael nearby along with a few other angels that joined me last night. I asked for a message for my day and they told me to go and pick a card and the card I picked out was New Romance (Angel Messages Deck by Doreen Virtue) and the card was "New romance is imminent - either with a newcomer, or through reignited passion in your existing relationship. Be open to giving and receiving love." I love it! I know it is about me and my twinflame...I feel it today. (By the way, they told me to pick a card because sometimes I negate what I hear simply because I worry it is what I want to hear!)

I am so glad that the month is ending, it is time to usher in new energy in February. I feel anticipation of what is to come. I feel excited today like all good things are happening.

I will leave you on this final note a message from my angels for my people on facebook...Today's Message from the angels is have faith and patience for what you are asking for is on its way to you. This time period is more a testament of believing in oneself versus having to wait for what you want. You are almost there, don't give up before it happens. (I know not always easy words to hear, but if we stay in patience and faith then the outcome is very near, but when we waver it gets further away...trust me I know! Trust me, that is why I am blogging each day about the love I feel for my twinflame. I love you my dear man. I love you. I have faith in you and believe in us.

Day 13: 1111 or 111 is All About Me and My Twinflame

Good Morning World,

My guides have been telling me to hibernate so the whole month of January that is just what I have been doing until yesterday. I spent the day doing readings at a holistic fair. (It is the first fair I have done in a year and quite honestly, I do believe it is my last!) I am such a multidimensional being that being contained in 3D was really hard for me yesterday---and it was more like overstimulation for me in a room with 50-100 people (it felt like a 1000 with all the energy bodies I saw walking around in addition to the human physical bodies).

Anyway, onto my twinflame quest to keep the faith. I like that..because some days it certainly feels like a quest and other days well it is so easy to feel faith in us. I did want to write yesterday, but as I mentioned above not feeling well so I came home and went to bed instead. So I wanted to write about something that I have noticed in the last three weeks really. Now, I know many of you see the phenomenon of 111 or 1111. I used to see it a lot many years ago and throughout the years I would see it too, but other numbers always seemed to stand out for me. Well in the last three weeks of this new year, I see it everyday, but not just once...I see it at 11:11 a.m. and p.m. and 1:11 a.m. and p.m. and then I have 11 mails, 111 mails, 11 phone calls. It is amazing. Not one day has gone by that I have not seen it. Now, globally 11 used to symbolize Awakening...it was like the universal number that says wake up, wake up. I totally understood that and that is why so many people have been seeing it throughout the years. It is the universal wake up call.

However, for me I was told a few months back right before 11:11 that 11 is the number of twinflames. It certainly is for me. The frequency with which I have been seeing it has increased within the last year. The message is that it is happening. Sometimes I wonder if I am seeing it for him too. I mean often I see things in his life through his eyes. He shows me what he is doing by sending images to me. Is he conscious of it? I don't know. Sometimes I think he hasn't a clue and other times, I know he must. He knows I can feel him and he knows I can sense things with him and well this past year he has been waking up ...really waking up for a change and the beautiful thing is that the Angels will not let him fall asleep...they keep poking and prodding him to move along and do what needs to be done, has he done it? I have not talked to him in just over two weeks now so I can't humanly answer it, but I can tell you from a spirit standpoint he is doing something and one of these days I will know because he will show up on my doorstep to prove it to me.

So for me I believe 1111 or 111 or 11 is all about me and my twinflame. It is a reminder to me to stay in faith for it is all happening now. For the first in the nearly 7 years that I have known him, I really do feel it is all happening now. I will let 11 remind me and I welcome that number to come my way for in those moments I know that I love him and that he loves me. I also know it means that it means stay in the faith for it will manifest now.

Sometimes I wonder if I am crazy too...so don't worry if you are thinking that....believe me I do understand. If I was reading all this, I would be thinking the same. As for me today at this moment (I say at this moment, because I can only speak for in this moment because it can fluctuate at any moment.) in this moment, I believe in him and our love....I believe he is nearing the ready. I feel like he is a race horse coming to the gate almost ready to bust out and run...no chasing rabbits...chasing his dreams perhaps...chasing his dreams to me.

Inspirational Snippet: The Path You Have Chosen

I have something to share with you from my reading. Yes, I am reading again. I have made a decision to honor my spirit by allowing myself some time to read a little. I was prompted to grab hold of book that was lying around in my house. The book is by Barbara Marciniak, Path of Empowerment. It is a Pleiadian channeled book; however, at the end of the passage my guides have stepped in added some too. Blessings for a new day!

The passage that I wish to share today is knowledge that I have shared quite often with my clients, students and even during readings that I have given, but the words here are much more potent…

”Every aspect of existence is interwoven and connected through a complex network of consciousness. Before you immerse yourself into 3-D living, you have the ability to preview the parameters of earthly life, to oversee the aspects of your own plan, purpose and intent within a specific climate of consciousness. You choose the moment and the time of your birth, as well as your genealogical bloodline, which is rich with an ancestral encoding of perceptions based on many lessons in living. In the here and now, you forget your plans in order to play your version of the game of life more effectively. You immerse yourself in your identity and become fully engaged in the process of exploring and experiencing the path you have chosen. The course of your life is a significant and purposeful journey that continuously confronts and stimulates you to develop your abilities. You actually learn about the nature of existence as you learn how to operate your biological form.”

What does this mean for all of you? It means you have chosen this path in your life. You are exactly where you are meant to be. You are the exact age, in the exact time, in the exact place and in the exact circumstances to assist to wake up to the power that you are. Remember your reasons. There is no more doubting and no more rethinking, second guessing or feeling sorry for yourself---it is the time now for you to be who you are truly meant to be. From above, “In the here and now, you forget your plans in order to play your version of the game of life more effectively.” It simply means, remember you chose the experiences that you have to feed your soul and make you a stronger human to assist humanity at this time to transition to a higher consciousness. It is now dear ones. It is now.

It is easy to say someone else can do it. It is easy to look at your long journey to this point and think I don’t want to or I am too tired; however, dear ones this is your job—the job you have come to earth to perform. Step into it now. Invite those around you in your life to see from your perspective—you can’t change all of them, but you can share your perspective and see if perhaps someone is there that wants to come along with you. Today, simply say out loud: I am (enter your name). I am love. I am light. I am peace. I am one with all that is. And watch how your day transforms. We are the Masters of Light.

Day 12: The Quest to Keep the Faith Continues

Morning has broken and the sun is rising beautiful here in Guilford, CT. I have been watching the sun rise for weeks from my beautiful picture window in my living room from my Chaise Lounge...love it. The sky is orange all a glow. I have been watching the sun rise for weeks and well this morning it is so speaking to me. Quite literally, this morning I see not only rays of light, but heart shaped rays of love coming my way. I would love to capture it on camera, I tried it doesn't work so you will have to imagine. It speaks to me of love and new beginnings. It speaks to me of hope for the new earth we are creating and it speaks to me about the love I feel from my twinflame.

I may not be physically with him, but I am most definitely with Etar (his highest self's name). I taught my energy group last night and I was surrounded by love from my family of light, but also by my star family. Etar was here with me and taught alongside me (energetically of course). When I went to bed last night, I felt his presence as I drifted off to sleep. I felt so safe and comforted. It gave me this beautiful morning to wake up to. I feel full faith today on the faith-o-meter. It is magical beyond magic. It is love beyond love today. It is faith, hope, trust and love wrapped all in this blanket of the sun's rays.

That is all for now...I must prepare for a children's class I am offering today....wish me luck...
Today, the sun is speaking to me. It is telling me that as it rises so too does new hope. Hope for the planet, hope for the evolution of love and hope for the twinflames to reunite. As I look

Day 11: Somewhere in Time

I wasn't able to write this yesterday because I was crying so much. When I woke up yesterday, I was a little under the weather and napped on and off all day. Of course, I don't know about you, but if you have a million and one things to do, you do them even if you are sick or you at least attempt to do them. So at one point yesterday, I grabbed a hold of my mail. Now in case you do not know, I often pick up my mail and put it in a pile on my desk (if you saw my desk you will know what I mean!).

I walked over to my and began to open it. Recently, I ordered a movie from Amazon, Illusion. So as I started to pour through my pile of mail, I found that movie, but I had found a second package that felt like a movie from Amazon.com too. I hadn't noticed it until now that there were two envelopes from Amazon. (I know that tells you how ungrounded I am when I get my mail! hahaha) I opened the Illusion movie and then I grabbed the other one...and the other movie was Somewhere in Time. I didn't order it. It just found its way to my house. I was obviously gifted it, but there wasn't a note or anything in there, simply the movie was there.

At the first look at the movie cover I started to cry. I have seen this movie before and I loved it when I saw it, but I cried like a baby when I saw it back in the late 80's before I met my twinflame (I was only a teen). I cried because I remember the beauty of this movie.

Then, I sat down as I cried and I looked at the cover and saw the following words: "He sacrificed his present for love in the past". OMG I cried. And cried. And cried. (Did I tell you that I cried?) I didn't know what to think....my first feeling was someone has been reading my blog and sent it to me because it is a Twinflame movie and they know it. Then I thought OMG they think I am sacrificing my life (the present) waiting...wasting my time waiting for my twin to wake up and what a tragedy. Then, I went to the emotions of maybe someone saw the movie and thought of me. They understood. They understand. EstaRa needs to know she is not alone and she needs to know others honor her and believe in her.

I don't know who sent it to me, but I am grateful. I am truly grateful for the gift, the love of someone who cares so deeply for me to let me know I am not alone, even if they do not want the acknowledgement, I am truly grateful for knowing that I am loved, appreciated and my writing about this journey of mine is not fruitless. Love and thank you, thank you.

The day went on and I felt a little better and put the thought beside. Then last night I was checking my email and friend of mine sent out a mail with the you tube theme song from the movie, Somewhere in Time. OMG I started to cry again and I realize there is a message in there somewhere. I talked to a friend this morning and she suggested that perhaps I need to watch the movie and maybe there is a message for me in it. I have to admit I am afraid to watch it. I told my friend that if I watch it I worry that I will cry and not come out of the tear storm that will come down my face.

This whole thing really undid me!! (by the way, I believe I am PMS'ing hence the undoing of me...it is always easier on hormones! NOT!) Today, I feel better and I feel clearer that I should watch this movie, but I am teaching class tonight, tomorrow and Sunday I am doing readings so it is not likely for me to watch until Monday. I will keep you posted on when I watch this and what the message may be....or if any of you have a thought as to why I was given the movie and sent an email with the theme music from the movie..I'd love to hear it...

for now...I hold the faith that it is soon. (If you have not seen this movie, you should totally see it especially if you are experiencing a twinflame thing of your own.)

Inspirational Snippet: When You Know You Are Done

Today's message came to me while I was lying in bed. It is about when you know you are done it is not out of anger or fear that you decide (though that may have been your motivation for discovering you are done), but it is out of love. You accept that the next step on your journey is to let go and move on. In doing so you are expressing not only love for yourself, but love for the other person too. I asked my guides for clarity and it evolved to another conversation with them so to speak:

When you decided to come to earth (every time you have chosen to experience a lifetime), you gathered together with the major souls who were going to be part of your journey (the main characters if you will) and agreed to assist one another on their path. The plan was set into motion and would evolve by the choices one makes on their journey (of course there is free will). It was agreed that there would be a reason to come together and there would come a time to part for the lessons have been learned. All parties agree. (EstaRa asked what about the children? How could their lessons have been learned?) The children have chosen the particular family based on the lessons that those people within that family have chosen to experience. The agreements were created to assist each soul on their process of ascension.

The earth has always been a school. A school where each soul gets the opportunity to learn what they wish. (It is almost like when you can select what classes you wish to experience in your educational system instead you are selecting what experiences you wish to have.) The experiences are the lessons. They have always been the experiences to bring you back to God---the process of Ascension. Sometimes the lessons come immediately by being born and raised in the family and sometimes those lessons are learned if and when the family is apart. There is so much value in your journey and on your path. Living life on earth has so much to offer.

Things have changed dear ones. The time has come for you to know that agreements have been upheld and the lessons are here for you to learn (Some of you have already learned what is necessary.). However, there was an expiration date for the agreements. Not something you can imagine, can you? The expiration date is this year, the year of 2012. Agreements started to become null and void after October 28, 2011. What does that mean for you? It simply means you are done with your agreements and you have carried out your plan marvelously, but now is the time to choose what you will do with that knowledge. You have followed the rules of the school so well and easily forgotten that you are the one in control and you are the one in power. You have remained powerless often due to the agreements you had made and to the belief systems you so willingly accepted. Now, it is time to take back your power. The only thing holding you back dear ones, is you.

The agreements expired. Again, what does that mean? It means you can freely move about the planet. (We hope you like that line, EstaRa loves that tag line from one of her favorite airline commercials.) It means you no longer are tied to situations, people, places or things like you were in the past. The only thing holding you in that stagnant place is you. You have a choice now to truly follow your heart. It is time to become aware of the gift you have within you. All roads are open, which path do you choose? One that you pave by way of seeing your power and magic or one that you follow because it appears to be the most accepted? The turmoil on your planet has more to do with your own inner turmoil than it does with anything outside of yourselves. If you find peace within you find peace without.

EstaRa once wrote an article that shared the following...."Everyone wants peace on earth, but how in a world that does not know peace within is that possible? The key to world peace is to for each individual to find peace within themself for only then can they know what world peace is." EstaRa's wake up mission was to turn on the lights. She was given her mission.."Promoting HOPE (Healing Our Planet Earth) one person at a time through turning on the lights. You are the lights dear ones. You are the lights. This is the final year of this mission for EstaRa because as she has ascended and evolved so too has her mission. She will have succeeded in turning on the lights of those she meets. She does it simply by being. Your job dear ones is, now that EstaRa has assisted you in turning them on, to keep them on. EstaRa offers many ways for you to keep them turned on by way of her writing, her classes and her BE-ing, but the ultimate responsibility now lies within you. We bid you a day of magic, a day of knowing and a day of discovering when you know you are done. For in that moment, in that awakened moment of knowing you have completed that agreement, all things become possible even humanly from a place of love.

It is with love, honor and respect that we bring you this message today. Namaste. The Masters of Light.

Be love,
EstaRa

Day 10: Marry Me

As you all may have noticed I did not blog yesterday. It was not intentional at first; I really did not have time to blog yesterday as I have had so much that had to be done. Then I got home last night at 9 p.m. or so and well the truth is that I didn't want to write about my twin because I was feeling sad and didn't want to put that energy out there.

It gets hard for me to make it through some days and well Tuesday, I just put the message out to my guides and angels to bring me some message today. Now, I don't know about you, but for the most part I can shut out background music when I am shopping because quite honestly lately when I go to the store now I am usually on a mission. (The energy is too much for me to linger too long!) So I went into one store and heard..."If I get the courage to (didn't hear anything else)....Marry Me." Then I walked into another store and the same song was playing, but I caught the same lyrics. Wow....the first time, I thought coincidence, but it really is never a coincidence (though I am still human at times and tend to doubt hence the homework from my guides to keep the faith).

Then, much later in the evening I was driving home and turned the radio on and guess what was playing? Yep, the same lyrics and this time I listened to more of the song. It is the song Marry Me by Train....

I was going to write about that above stuff yesterday morning, but never got to. So instead, I went to bed and my wish was to have sweet dreams of me and him. I used to have dreams where he and I would meet and discuss things going on in his life. I haven't had one of those in awhile and I miss them...anyone listening out there? hahaha

This morning I woke up at 6:30 and lingered in bed until about 8:30. I didn't want to get up. I didn't want to experience another day without him. So I didn't get up right away instead I laid there breathing and doing some energy work on my body. I could feel him. I could feel my twinflame and could him next to me in my bed (no he is not physically here with me), but I could feel him and I just laid in bed and talked to his spirit. He told me he loved me. He told me he thinks of me all the time. He told me that he misses me. (I swear if you were there in my room you would think wow she really does talk to herself.) He said he doesn't know. He said he couldn't figure it out. I cried a little, but I felt him and I felt closer to him today in a different way.

My beloved, you do know, you can figure it out, you are strong, you are courageous. I have faith in you! Thank you all for being my witness to this extraordinary experience that I am having.