Day 42: Last Friday Night

Good Morning World.

It is a new day today and one day away from my official birthday. I am excited I will be spending it with friends; they truly are my family and I am grateful for each and everyone of them. They mean so much to me; however, I have to admit that I wish my twinflame would be in attendance. Perhaps he can make it up to me when he does finally arrive fully in my life.

So last night, I awoke minutes after he emailed. I didn't know that until this morning at 3:33 when I awoke, but I didn't respond until I finally laid back in bed and couldn't fall back to sleep. He asked how I was and my response as silly as it is the truth. "Missing you. Raise your hand if you miss me too." I know it is random, but I have to go with my heart. I really wanted to say run to me now...I love you, but that, well that might just scare him away enough to set us back a few steps. So instead, I said what I felt at that moment.

Anyway, about 3:33 this morning, I woke up to the song by Katy Perry called, "Last Friday Night". This is probably the third or fourth time in the last few weeks that I have heard it in my head. I have heard it on the radio probably once if that. The first time I saw the lyrics I was like not sure what you are trying to tell me. But this morning I looked up the lyrics and it struck me differently, I get it. I get what he is trying to tell me. I am posting the youtube up with lyrics, but he truth is that Katy Perry sings it as it is a happy time especially when the words are TGIF. However, I believe my twin is awake to the fact that this is not what he wants to be doing anymore --living the same life every Friday night, every day really, every week. He is ready for something different. I hope now that I got the message it is now out of my head. Oy you have no idea what that song sounds like in my head.

Inspirational Snippet: See Your Truth

I was prompted by my guides to share today's Soul Star Healing facebook message to the children of earth and expand a bit upon it.

“Today's message: Everyone has the ability to see beyond the human eye, but not everyone chooses to access it. There has never been a better time to truly see. Dear ones to truly see means seeing the truth in you and the world around you. Are you ready to see with clearer eyes? We want you to know that you can now.”

Everyone often wonders, how can I access my intuition? How can I develop it? EstaRa I want to be like you or be you. (I do appreciate that many people see value in me and my work; however, please do not choose to be me...please choose to be a more aware, healed version of you—that is what I did.)

The quickest easiest way to access your intuition and maintain that is to work on yourself. Using my guides message from above. See your truth. Not the truth that you wish to share with the world because it is good or makes you look good. See the truth in you that many do not know and really get real with yourself. It is time to look at all the untruths you have been living and seek to understand why? Seek to know what makes you "tick" so to speak. I promise you that it is worth the journey. Believe me, I didn't wake up one day and say wow I am psychic. Like you I came to Earth knowing that I was special, but growing up and being bombarded by other people's ideas of what is good, true and acceptable shut me down. The only thing that ever helped me to wake up was to look at my life and get serious about changing it. I needed to truly look at me “naked in the mirror of life” so to speak to see all of me and understand why I was holding onto the lessons and choosing to not learn them or better choosing to not see them. For starters, I had to see the responsibility I had for what I brought into my life and the responsibility I had to change my life. Once I was able to see me and my life more clearly, I saw that everything became changeable. Look inside you before you try to help others because I promise once you see you and your life more clearly; then you can see everything and everyone more clearly.

It may seem mystical , magical and unattainable to develop your gift of intuition, but dear ones it is a gift that each and every one of you have. The magic is when you stop listening to world outside bombarding you with ideas of what is good, true and acceptable and you start listening to the voice inside of you. Unfortunately during this time, there are many people jumping on the bandwagon of the new age—it is cool to be psychic or a healer (and many ego-based people think oooh there is money in it –not true if you are really called to do your work—yes you live abundantly, but it isn’t the money that makes you abundant), but you must use your discernment. Remember everything is an energy exchange, for if someone is not living the way they speak then they are energetically transferring that “way of living” to you too.

My wish for you today is to see your truth.

Love to you,
EstaRa

Day 41: In the Arms of My Beloved

I have been resisting writing of late. It is amazing when I write I do come alive and I discover that is one source of renewing myself (besides my twinflame connection). I have been going through so much in the last week in terms of feeling exhausted and just really drained. As I step back and look at it, what I do know to be true is that it has a lot to do with my vibration. I am such a high vibrational being that the exhaustion I am experiencing is how the chaos of humanity at this time is affecting me. I am so impacted by the energy of others hence my sensitivity. It used to be I would pick up on other people's stuff and it would impact my thoughts and feelings in a negative way(I guess you can say I jumped on the bandwagon of their thinking--often not knowing or realizing it, but over the last several years I realized it and learned to not take it on). The difference now is that behavior from others (negative thinking and feelings being thrown out all over the place in the world right now) doesn't affect me the same; instead it is causing my energy to become drained and exhausted.

Anyway, I preface my twin stuff with the above information so that you understand where I am coming from. Much has happened and not happened on the twinfront so here we go in playing a bit of catchup with you all. On my way home last week from doing readings at a Mardi Gras event, (been doing them for the last four years, it used to be fun because I get to dress up like a gypsy, but this time the people's energy was pretty heavy.) I was talking with a friend on the phone and this energy just came over me. I knew it was him. I knew it was my twinflame. When I arrived home, I went to my computer and it confirmed for me it was him, I saw him online. I was blocked so he didn't see me, but I could see him. He was looking for me. I could feel it. OMG, I wanted so badly to talk with him, but I stopped myself from staying online. Instead, I logged off to go to bed and I felt he knew I went online and logged off even though he couldn’t see me. WOW! That is huge because that means his awareness of energy and his awareness of me is growing. He is open and he is feeling me. When I got into bed, I could feel him next to me. I could hear him. He wanted to know why I didn't want to talk with him. It isn't that I don't want to talk with him, I want to talk with him, but the thing is that I didn’t think I could. I mean, I need him to be ready to be with me fully not just the phone calls we have had in the past. I need more from him--I know he knows it too. It was like torture. I fell asleep longing for him, but I felt his arms around me and I was okay in that moment.

I woke up the next day having an energy hangover if you will from the night before. (That happens often when I am so high in the energy and then I come back down to earth if you will.) That night I taught a class, I came home exhausted. (I love teaching, but sometimes I feel I it is too much for me to do. I don’t think my students realize just how much energy I expend teaching them. Is it because it is work for me? No, teaching is a natural talent for me, but for me to maintain my vibration with all the different energies in my classes—for a lack of a nicer way of saying it, their stuff effects me in not such a good way so it turns into me feeling drained afterward.) I came home and cried exhausted from the energy of the class and carrying the vibration for so many, not just my class.

Things are changing for me I feel it. I mean I remember my guides telling me in one of my channels that my mission would change. I believe it is in the process of changing. I believe that the time to reunite with my twinflame is getting nearer for me. Once my twinflame arrives, then my mission will change to reflect our work as a twinflame couple. When I think of it that way it helps me to understand why my twinflame is not with me as of yet fully, his vibration is being raised, his awareness is shifting and well he is needing to reach the point where he too can be a lightworker and carry out his mission. Of course, when I think of the work we will do when we come together, it will be much easier than any work I have done thus far. However, for him, it will be new and different, but I promise him it will be more fun than any work he is doing now. The twinflames job is to make love, be love, live love wherever we go sharing it for the world. (I defer you to my previous channel called “All IS AS IT SHOULD BE” from April of last year.)

That night and the next couple of days I really released emotions. I feel as though I am not being replenished anymore. My work seems to be draining me. I feel like the only thing that will replenish me is being with my twinflame. I need you! My conclusion after all the tears when I rebalanced me was that being in the arms of my beloved appears to be the only thing that will replenish me. Even though over the last several years I have experienced numerous types of emotions with him, because of him; it has always been the same thing; no matter what the one thing that man does for me is give me strength to go on. Hearing his voice makes me come alive, seeing his name on the computer makes me come alive. I feel better when I talk with him. (He has told me that too!) I am truly missing my human connection to him as difficult as it has been in the past; I am contemplating whether it is worth it or not to allow that human connection back in to assist me on my path at this point. The problem isn’t him, the problem isn’t me….the problem is that in the past he has not been ready fully to really “be” with me. Letting him back in may be more of the same because if things have changed, then wouldn’t he just email me or call me or show up on my doorstep?

I don’t feel okay without him anymore. I need him…I need you! Perhaps, I need him more now than I ever have…perhaps the time is near for him to be here for me too.

Day 35: The Look of Love

I have been trying to write this blog post for the last few days so I haven’t been avoiding writing about my twinflame. I feel him and I love him. I keep hearing the song, “Yes, I’m Ready” over and over in my head; so he is ready is what I think. I almost finished the blog yesterday, but instead my writing evolved into a small inspirational snippet called, “You Always Deserve the Best.” So this is like the second part, I guess.

I have this gift to really see people clearly--I mean more than just the average psychic who can read someone's energy, I have the ability to see what others cannot; especially, when looking at pictures; I guess you can say that I see the truth of people. In essence, I can see the connection between the people in the pictures or the lack thereof. (I see more than just that, but suffice it to say for this article that is all you need to know.) I remember when this started to develop a stronger role in my life; it is as if I can't just look at pictures without seeing so much more.
It must have been four years ago when I saw a picture of someone in my family who was newly married. The couple each had children separately so they did a family portrait. I was horrified by the picture. It was so disturbing to me. I mentioned it to another family member who asked if I was crazy. It didn't occur to me that no one saw what I saw or didn't even have a glimpse at what I saw. The people in the picture (two adults, three children) all looked distinctively separate even though they were posing next to one another. It was as if each of them was pasted into the photo. I thought to myself, why did the photographer take this picture and not try a different angle. I wondered how on earth anyone thought that this was a good picture. Then it occurred to me that there was no way around it in my vision. Perhaps no one else noticed, but for me it really disturbed me. I can't help, but to see the truth every time. (As an aside, it is about four years later and that couple is divorced.)

Recently, I saw pictures on facebook of someone who got married; I looked at the pictures and felt sad. I just don’t “see” it. Love , I mean. I don’t see the look of love. I didn't even see the connection between them and their eyes exuded so much sadness. I didn’t know what that look of love was until last week when I really thought about it. I mean when I look at my twin I see love in him. He looks like love to me. I am unable to contain myself when I look at him because so much love comes from me to him and from him to me. It is love. Isn’t that what relationships are supposed to exude? I mean no matter what you have been through and believe me; He and I have been through so much over the last several years, yet I still look at him with love. He still looks like love to me. It made me think that when you are first getting married that is the kind of love we should have otherwise, marriage shouldn’t happen, but it goes back to my theory that people tend to settle on their situations simply because they are told (perhaps not literally) that they have to be with someone and not alone. It is not an acceptable standard in our society for you to be single. Oh sure they show television shows where the single people are always trying to find love (but love outside themselves). I wish they had a show showing someone discovering love within themselves to ultimately assist them in finding their true partner.

Yes, I know the argument from people who disagree and would say you don’t always look at someone that way. That kind of feeling only lasts in the beginning of a relationship and then it gets real. What does get real mean? Really? Is that just an excuse people tell themselves to keep settling for less? Is it an excuse to not really look within for the love they truly desire? My belief is that look of love is always there when you are in love with someone. I can’t imagine looking at my twinflame and not seeing love when I look at him. Believe me he makes me so angry and I react, but as soon as I see his face, I can’t help but feel love.

I did feel love before in other relationships and it faded when the lesson was learned and it was time to move on to the next healing relationship. (I don’t wish to go into detail here, but you may want to read my blog post entitled: Relationships: Roadmap of Our Soul’s Journey. That will help in explaining what I am speaking of. ) I think if some people took out the distractions (escaping) in their relationship they would see it all more clearly too. The greater problem is that the media, entertainment industry and general society do not want that to happen because then there would not be a market for "making you better so that you can find a better mate" (Even that is not accurate because what is being pushed on us through society is everything, but love in a relationship. I want to see everyone look at their partner the way I see love in my twinflame. Everyone deserves the kind of love I am talking about.

Inspirational Snippet: You Always Deserve the Best

While last week was Valentine's Day, I really believe that it is every day that the media and advertising conspire to make the single person feel alone, unworthy, unattractive and just plain horrible about themselves. (I am not disputing that it makes married people feel the same things because it does, but you will get my point as you read on. At least, I hope you will. hahaha) I noticed of late it really doesn't impact me as it did when I was younger (and not since I have been on this path of light)and if anything I am really loving being my unique self and not buying into media or advertising; however, I do know many people buy into it and their lives are truly impacted by what is essentially the vibe running out there.

Around Valentine's Day and really any holiday; our media and society put such an emphasis on "love" or should I say "lack of love" (they really mean lack of relationship because on a whole I don't think society knows what love is with the exception of what is projected out by way of media, Hollywood and even internet dating); essentially pushes people to a state of pairing up and avoiding being single and alone. When did alone become such a bad word? The definition (yes I did look it up) states that it means separate or apart. It is okay to not be in a relationship; it really is okay to be alone. It is not a necessity or a requirement to have a relationship the entire time you are a human upon the Planet Earth. It is okay to discover you.

"Pairing Up" really does seem more accurate as I write this post. Pairing Up appears to be what is happening and I wouldn't even say that it is necessarily the best of the worst. It simply is a desire to not be alone. I would even go as far as to say it is a desire to not be alone with oneself. The whole point is that no matter what messages you are receiving outside of you that you always listen to your heart and not succumb to the "pairing up" process to avoid being alone or even worse staying together with someone to avoid being alone. You are more valuable than just settling to avoid being alone.

So when I began to write this post yesterday it was supposed to be part of my daily blogging, but as I started to write more, I found that it was something that needed to be shared and then this morning when I woke up, it was confirmed with the message for the day for my facebook fan page:

Today's message is you deserve people and situations that are aligned with love, dear ones. You do not ever have to settle for anything less. Call on the angels to assist you in remembering to be true to yourself for it takes courage to see the truth of your life and make changes for you always deserve love, you always deserve the best.

Inspirational Snippet: Endings and Beginnings

This morning, I posted today's message which is usually a daily thing from my guides, the Angels, the Ascended Masters or any beautiful love filled energy that wishes to show up. I was prompted to share this with you today too...not just my facebook daily message viewers.

Today's message is about endings and beginnings. Know that as something ends it is simply the end of a cycle to allow growth and transformation. At the end of something there is always a beginning for something else. Humans get caught in the ending and prolong the end causing more pain and drama for oneself, whereas if the end is seen as part of one's journey then one is always left with hope for the beginning of something new. It is all about perspective dear ones.

In the moment, to change your perspective, simply take a deep breath let out a sign and then revisit the situation. You will find more clarity and perhaps motivation to change as well.

My wish for you today is to find a new perspective about something you have been allowing to rattle around in your mind. Try the exercise above and see what it brings you.

In love,
EstaRa

Day 33: Yes, I'm Ready

Good Morning World,

I know I am a few days behind in my blogging, but it is all for good reasons. Here is a little catch up. I had company on Friday and some family events over the weekend. It kept me in a good place particularly with my twin. So I will update you all on the weekend. Friday night, I was talking with my friend about dating and what if I did meet someone while I was waiting for my twin--I mean I realize I am beautiful and an amazing soul. Truly someone would be lucky to have me in their life....I am tapping into my inner goddess lately. To be honest, I can imagine kissing someone who was not my twin. It is really weird to say that and for some of you to hear it, but it is the truth. Anyway, I was saying to my friend, what would happen if I met someone and fell in love and got married. Then I walked into the other room, I heard my twin's spirit clearly say to me, "You don't think I would let you marry someone else now, do you? We are so close." Then that night, I was watching a movie with my friend and I kept itching. I got itchy everywhere for about 45 minutes. The last time that happened was Superbowl Sunday and it occurred to me that it is him. My twin is itching to talk with me.

Saturday was such a busy day that I woke longing to talk to my twinflame. I miss him. I miss his voice. I his his smile. I miss his humor. I miss everything about him.

So all of this brings me to yesterday morning. I woke up with an amazing song in my head. I heard the words, "Are you Ready? Yes, I'm ready. I don't even know how to love you. Just the way you want me to to, but I'm ready." I have probably heard this song one time before in my life. I looked up the lyrics and I cried. I knew without a doubt that it was from my twin. It is so beautiful and the funny thing is that my twinflame was 8 when it came out. I imagine him as this adorable little boy.

So anyway, I found it on youtube and want to share it with all of you... (By the way, I just listened to this song again and cried, but can't get lost in my tears I have my niece staying with me the next day or so.)

Then, I was baking cookies for a family gathering that I was going to attend in the early afternoon and my phone rang. I know it was him. He blocks his phone number and hangs up on me--long story, but I know it is him. He could even say that it isn't him, but hey I am a psychic. I love that he called me....we are so totally mirroring each other. Anyway, I am off for now. I love you my twinflame. I love you.

Day 30: Bridges of Madison County

Hello World,

Last night I watched a movie, The Bridges of Madison County. My friend brought it over for us to watch and Wow, talk about movies about twinflames. I know it is an older movie that came out in 1995, but I never did see it. To be honest, not sure how I missed it other than perhaps I was being protected from it. The time that it came out I was still in that denial phase of who I was and am to this Earth. I was living or trying to live like everyone else at that point and perhaps if I saw this I would have had a remembrance too soon of my twinflame.

Anyway, I digress because what I wished to share with you all about the movie is what Robert (Clint Eastwood) said to Francesca (Meryl Streep) are the words I've said to my beloved. (I am sure the words that every twinflame couple has had upon their journey.) OMG It made me cry. I cried because he is everything to me. I cried because right in this moment he is not in my arms. I cried because this movie was one of the most perfect portrayals of twinflame love I have seen. It just spoke to my heart.

Then as the movie ended and I was crying, my friend said to me. That is how it had to happen at that time. (the movie took place in the 1950') But this is the time for twinflame love to come together. It is a different time and twinflames will reunite. So perhaps if this were a real story (it sure was inspired by someone who experienced twinflame love), and it occurred now they would end up together because it is the time of twinflames reuniting.

This movie made me love my twin more. (is that possible? I know it is because I fall in love with him over and over again.)

Channeled Message: Power Inside of You

Channeled Message from The Masters of Light through EstaRa in Guilford, CT on Thursday, February 16, 2012.

Dear Ones,

The time has come for you to no longer stay away from who you are…the fears you have been learning to overcome and conquer have been like classes you were taking in your schools to assist you further upon your path. The release of your fear is like graduation day. Graduation, dear ones, is another way of saying you climb the path of ascension—path of the dimensions. You will climb to the top as you begin to remember who you truly are. As that becomes your new reality you will step into that gift that is you. The power inside of you will be attainable and you will no longer seek to find the power outside of you.

The days to come in your year of 2012 will be ones of empowerment, transition; gathering of knowledge for soon you too will be the ones sharing the knowledge of what is within you and the Earth.

It is with love, honor and respect that we bring this message to you today.

Namaste

Day 29: Touch of Love

Good Morning Everyone,

I swear this whole twinflame thing is so bi-polar at times (to use a word in mainstream that I don't like) I really think it is overused, but if there were anytime it was appropriate to use that word it would be in describing the journey to reuniting with your twinflame. One day I feel up the next day I feel down or it is up and down all in one day. Imagine that? Oy...anyway I digress because today is an up day at least now at this moment. I shall shield myself from the 3D world as long as I can today. For in that is my strength right now.

So my quick update and story. I take a Tai Chi Class on Wednesday mornings. It is a sweet class with only a few women. And yesterday, we were told we were going to do a Chi Bath to start our class so we had chairs and were seated for about 15 minutes while we performed a chi bath. A Chi Bath is when you activate your chi and your rub your face, your head, your arms, in essence you give yourself an energy bath. Wow is all I can say! And it wasn't that the Chi was so incredible, it was the experience. We started by rubbing our face with the warmth of the Chi in our hands. With my eyes closed and then even opened, I saw him. I saw my twin's face and I felt his face. I was rubbing the chi on his face I wasn't giving me the Chi Bath, I was giving the Chi Bath to him. I even felt the stubble of his beard, saw the side of his neck, the back of his head and felt myself running my fingers through his hair not mine. I felt tears well up inside because it was so loving and so wonderful. I know he must have felt something or perhaps he felt my hands touching him. I know I felt his face. I know his face, his head and I love it as I am sure I have mentioned how much I love his head! It was a beautiful thing, but yesterday it made me long for him. I mean I long for touching his face, kissing his lips and running my fingers through his his hair (but I guess I got that opportunity yesterday even if it weren't in 3D, I felt it and loved every moment of it).

So as I sat down to write this blog this morning, I heard a song play in my head "Get Ready cause here I come." It was the song I heard seven years ago this month and truthfully, it could have been seven years ago today (I just know it was in February 2005). It was the first time I had met my twinflame in a meditation. In the meditation, I was sitting on a park bench and I remembering thinking to myself this look an awful like Central Park in New York. Then my twinflame appeared and sat down on the bench next to me. He held my hand as we talked telepathically. I didn't see his face, but I saw the back of his head (hence the love I have for his human head). He asked me, "are you ready? Cause I'm coming." I said yes, we embraced and said "see you soon." Then the next morning I woke to this song by The Temptations (literally the song starts playing in my head hence that is my musical message from the Angels):

I will put it here for you to enjoy..... By the way, just in case you were wondering, (and my beloved, in case you were wondering too) you don't have to make me love you..I already do, always have and always will.

Day 28: Courage, Determination, Faith & Protection All in a Bracelet

My day yesterday was wonderful, but I have to be honest the night wasn't so easy. I had an amazing day speaking to and channeling live to an afterschool group at a local high school. (Just need to say awesome!!) On my way home, I was guided to a store to buy some beads to make a bracelet for myself. This past month or so I am being prompted to tap into the artist side of me, first with my painting class and now with making jewelry. I used to "create" all the time when I was younger, but since taking on my business; I have not had the opportunity to create because unfortunately there is this requirement when you own your own business that you have to be a business person. (I do not enjoy being the business person --I enjoy what I do, but not the business aspect--I am a creator and I wish to create rather than do paperwork, network and do all the things that are required socially to maintain a business. I simply wish to do what I love and allow the rest to follow. I could use all your help to maintain that so I can keep doing what I love and not stress over the details.) But I digress, so my main point was that I went to a local beading store and bought some beads. It is a friends birthday and I have decided I would make her a bracelet. (I don't have a lot of spending money (if any really) so I was trying to stay focused on beads for her.) I kept getting pulled over to these other beads, it was as if they were calling out my name. So I bought those as well...I got caught up in the beading bug...you know when you go in to buy one thing you end with with many? hahaha

After I left, I was prompted to stop by Walmart (not my favorite place in the world, if anything but) to purchase a container to hold my beads. My guides brought me over to the card aisle where all the Valentines sat. Now mind you, for the last several days I have been prompted to go over to the card aisle whenever I was in a store, but I avoided it. Well, last night, I walked over and it was my twinflame's energy telling me to read the cards. His energy assisted me in picking up three that were practically jumping out at me. They were definitely from him. I could feel that these were the words he was saying to me (and wants to say to me). They were most appropriate and when I finished reading the three that I was guided to read. I looked up and it was in the section "Cards for her"...just so you know, I had no idea that is the section I was reading in. This made me really miss him. I got all caught up in a bit of emotion and then realized as I was on the phone with one of my friend's that it was his emotion. Not mine. Unfortunately, as a twinflame you literally experience what they are experiencing. I experienced his emotion and I knew because the way I was talking was not how I talk, it was more of how he speaks. (Long story on that so won't go into it, but suffice it to say that I have a few friends who point out it is often his personality coming through me not mine when I get to these real emotional bits because what I have found in the last few months is that I am more in neutral which is mighty powerful considering I was always feeling all the emotions. By the way, neutral is not numb...it is knowing, trusting and believing (hence keeping the faith) that I will be with my twin and everything else (like him humanly not with me at the moment) doesn't affect me.)

When I got home last night, while my dinner was cooking. I tried to make the bracelet for my friend, but that didn't happen. It kept undoing. Besides my eye kept catching the other beads, the ones I bought for myself. They were amazing! They spoke right to me and I ended up making the bracelet for me. I loved it. It was funny because these beads are not the beads I would normally be drawn too and yet here I was creating a bracelet for me. The beads I picked out were Mookaite Jasper and some garnets (by the way, the garnets reminded me of Egypt when I gifted Sekhmet with my garnet crystal. The Goddess Sekhmet if you read my earlier Egyptian blogs promised that if we gifted her with something of ours she would gift us with courage, willpower and determination. Hmmm...now that makes sense....I simply need to tap into my garnet in Karnack, the temple, I left my garnet at so as to bring in those qualities. Thanks for letting me remind myself of this....now I have the perfect bracelet: Will Power, Determination and Courage along with all the healing properties of Mookaite Jasper below(I should be all set for this path of Faith):

It is a stone that is an emotional protector. (How appropriate for my twinflame journey.) Shields against negative or dangerous situations. (Again appropriate because of my heightened sensitivity.) Provides flexibility and openness in our opinions and faithfulness in promises. (Faith-fulness? There is that word again...about keeping the faith) There is more about the stone, but these are the things that resonated with me and why I had to make a bracelet of these beads last night. I highly recommend Mookaite Jasper for all of you twinflames going through a similar situation. Well, I am off to nap again before waking up. I am grateful to you all for following my journey.

Valentine for My Beloved

Just in case on the off chance that my beloved twinflame reads my blog (he does have the address so I believe it is possible), I want to share something I read on February 2006; something that I did share with him at the time....I believe it was in one of Rob Bresny's (the Astrologer) newsletters...it is called: The Soulmate Love Letter:

"I love you between shadow and soul. I love you as the plant that hasn’t bloomed yet, and carries hidden within itself the light of flowers. I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. Because of you, the dense fragrance that rises from the earth lives in my body, rioting with hunger for the eternity of our victorious kisses."

My dearest man, I know you know who you are for me, but I also know you know too! (Wow that sounds like one of our conversations in recent months--I love you!)
Okay, so this did bring tears to my eyes rereading it...those are not tears of sadness...this time they are tears filled with love.

Day 27: Faith in my Twinflame

Today is the 27th day of my quest to keep the faith about my twinflame reunion. It is 27 days already and yet, I know it has been a struggle the past couple of weeks; but today I feel the faith more than I have. The interesting thing that I am feeling right now is that the faith needs to be in him not simply in our reunion. I have faith in my beloved and his journey. I have faith he will find his way to me because he will remember who I am to him. Thank you! I have faith that his love for me will teach him love for himself and that is what will bring us full circle. I know he is mine and I am his: it has been that way since the beginning of time and this is the time it will all be. (By the way, the number 27 is the number day of his birthday so today has a little extra meaning for me and a real sign that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.)

Something I realized last evening on my drive home. Since I have met my twinflame, I have longed for him to be with me and the holidays; well, they always seemed to make me sad because he was not there with me. Last night, I was at dinner with a friend and felt his energy come around me. My perception in the restaurant changed; I looked around the restaurant and felt this longing to see him as if he would walk through the door. It has been some time since I have spoken to him as you all know, but it has been even longer since I have seen him. I know he is feeling it too.

Something occurred to me as I was driving home, I wasn't sad. I mean I often cried a day or few days before Valentine's Day because everywhere I looked was something about Valentine's Day. I cried because he wasn’t with me. I cried because he was supposed to be with me. I cried because he often didn’t acknowledge me. Instead last night, it felt only as if he was away and would be back soon; that there was no need to worry that he was not there, he would simply be here soon. Not only was that feeling different, but the whole energy in the last six months has been different. I mean I haven't even thought about it being Valentine's Day other than knowing it is the number day of Valentine's Day. Instead, I am well aware of how much I love I have in my life: I love my life, my new home and my experiences with all the people I love and are in my life. It doesn't mean that I don't wish he were here with me, it simply means that it truly is no different than any other day for me. Believe me that is an accomplishment. I think I owe that in part to being so far removed from the mainstream world that I don’t look for external sources to validate me or love me. I don’t feel inadequate; instead, I feel perfect as I am. The message that the media projects is inadequacy if you don’t have someone to spend Valentine’s Day with, the best way to combat it is to remove yourself from mainstream society and you will see how perfect you are, too!

Day 26: Times are Changing

Good Morning World,

I have had a lot happening lately that has kept me busy and away from the computer--all good really. If you have been following my blog then you know all about the channels and writings I have been doing. Inspiration has been coming to me around 2:30 in the morning.

I woke up this morning with a list of human tasks that need to be accomplished and I need to do before I leave my house for the day. I haven't given myself a moment until now to write. I don't have much to say about keeping the faith. Today is a day that it feels lighter and easier to keep the faith.

Yesterday, I was driving and hadn't really left my house for a couple of days (that is left my area of Guilford) and the clouds were magnificent. I said to myself, "Wow, it looks like something is different." To which my guides responded, "It is, dear one. Things have changed more than you know at this moment." I knew they were referring to my twin. I feel his heart is heavy and that he is missing me, but he needs to feel his missing me. I've been missing him forever it seems.

Last night, I went visiting an old friend who asked me how he was...she calls him my boyfriend. (She is 91 and went to visit her for her birthday--she is psychic and took on our friendship like she is a grandma to me since my grandma passed when I was 9.) I find it amusing as he is not presently in my life and hasn't really been presently in my life so most people I am sure think he is a figment of my imagination. I know he is real, I know our love is real. She said to me that she felt him really missing me. I told her that I know. I feel it too. She said, "You really love him. I feel your heart. And he really loves you too. He is your twinflame." It was nice validation from her because often she gets very protective of me like a grandma would; instead she saw from her heart and was able to see the love that this man has for me.

I went to bed thinking about his smile, his laugh, his voice and his heart. I woke up feeling really light this morning..missing him, but knowing he is on his way to me. It is like I fall in love with him again and again. Is that possible? Does he even know? I hear his voice and my heart melts with love. My dearest man, I love you more than you do know...more than I know you think is possible...but it is possible. I am here waiting for you...

Channel: Sensitivity

Channeled Message from The Masters of Light through EstaRa in Guilford, CT on Wednesday, February 8, 2012.

For the month of January, I was told by my guides that I was to be in hibernation. Hibernation by definition means a state of inactivity and metabolic depression in animals, characterized by lower body temperature, slower breathing, and/or lower metabolic rate. Hibernating animals conserve energy, especially during winter. At first, I resisted and didn’t understand why I had this need to hibernate, but I found it easier to do because the reality is that last year, I was going and going and going so it made logical sense that I would need the time of hibernation to recuperate and recover from living. While the weather has been anything, but regular winter in Connecticut, I have been hibernating like it was a real winter. They suggested that I slow down and do just the bare minimum that is necessary to help others and myself.

However since we have moved into February, I have begun to question my guides as to why they still want me to hibernate and work less than I normally do. I have been so tired and weary from the journey thus far and I feel like I have not replenished or rejuvenated myself even though I was in hibernation. I wanted to know what this means for me and others living a high vibration life. I have been seeing how my vibration has been affected living a day to day life helping people out in 3D. If you are of high vibration and entering the 3D world from time to time, you most definitely will be impacted. So they did a little question and answer for me about some things happening in my life, but the information may be helpful for each of you too!

Why am I hibernating?

First of all EstaRa, you are a very high dimensional being. It was accurate when your friend told you that you live in the 8th dimension and it was accurate when your beloved said to you that he thought he saw you in 7D. Now, on a human level dearest one your beloved was making a joke out of that, but the truth is that he did and does see you in the higher dimensional energies. Your twinflame is of high vibrational energy like you; however, the work that is being done behind the scenes is the connection of his high vibrational self with the connection of the man who functions in the 3D world. A bridge between is being created so that he can access it. What does that mean you ask? It simply means that he is high vibration in his higher self; however, his higher self is not fully functioning in the lower dimensions as of yet. Things need to fall apart in 3D for him to look up dear one.

EstaRa many changes have been occurring in your auric field for some time. Dear one, to channel us a great deal of changes needed to occur for your physical body. Much clearing away is and has been happening. Last year you were selected to go to specific locations for more than what you can comprehend in the 3D world at this time. Dear one when you went to bed in the earth locations you were at in your last human year, you were being downloaded with information that you were not yet able to comprehend. Your system dearest one has been upgraded much like you witness in your healing sessions with your clients, the body template has been upgraded to reflect the necessary components for a multidimensional physical body. Your body may appear 3D, but dearest one your body is your vehicle of light.

Your time in Sedona was the culmination of your year long process of integration and upgrading of your body template. What does this mean you ask? It means that as of 11-11-11 you now have your vehicle to travel the dimensions that is your physical body is now prepared as your vehicle. Since that time, you have been undergoing numerous integrations of light transference. It is important for you honor your body temple as it is your only vehicle on this planet at this time. The symptoms you are experiencing as a result of the upgrades are due in part to what you are eating, where your energy is spent, what your energy is spent doing and the rejections of such things that no longer serve you.

In essence dearest one, hibernation is to protect your physical being from the harsh world in which you are living. As you complete the integration of the changes you have undergone, you will begin to understand the challenges that are upon your earth in a different way. We caution you to listen to what it is that your body is telling you for if you need to rest; then simply rest. If you need to eat more or less, then select what is appropriate for your integration. Hibernation is simply something we ask you to do while you are in this process of transformation as your body’s vibration continues to rise.

What about my twinflame, will he be able to understand me? I mean I feel so different from him at this time.

Dear one, your twinflame is just that he is your twinflame. Nothing will change that relationship; nothing will hinder your reunion with him. As you are being upgraded so too is your twinflame; however, his awareness is less than yours due to the lifestyle in which he lives currently. If the circumstances were reversed dear one your twinflame would be asking us the questions about you. Your twinflame is being raised in vibration to match your vibration. It is with honor, love and respect we say to you that you did exactly what is necessary to protect your vibration when you told your twinflame not to contact you any further until he comes to you. We have seen the pain you have put yourself through over the last several weeks in terms of whether or not you did the right thing. On a spiritual level it is easier to perceive it as the right thing; however, on a more human level it is difficult for no contact with someone as it appears to be no contact, but dearest one you are always in contact with your beloved. It simply is not in the 3D at this time. We wish to remind you that you are the carrier of the vibration at this time; therefore, it requires you to honor your path more than you have before and to be more selective than you had been before. Your beloved’s energy does reflect yours. That simply means if you are maintaining your vibration then it is making it easier for him to climb the vibrational frequencies that he must. If you are not maintaining your vibrational frequency then it puts your beloved one step further away to reconnect. It doesn’t seem fair on a human level for you to be the sole bearer of the frequency for you and your twin ; however, dear one this was agreed upon prior to your arrival to the planet.

Why does it seem that everyone else can be out in the world working and I can’t? I feel like something is wrong with me.

Dear one, you are simply perfect as you are. You are the only one who can empower you with the ability to know you are perfect as you are. Your vibration is so high because you are a pure channel of light. There are some who claim to be in high vibration; however, they do not live authentically in the way to make themselves a pure channel of light. In which case, they are not as affected by the energies prevalent on your planet. You are tremendously impacted by the energies prevalent on your planet and with the continual rise in your vibration you continue to grow in sensitivity. In your human world, the perception is that sensitivity is wrong and a problem when in fact, sensitivity is to be honored and respected. For that sensitivity is what will transform the people of the earth. It is difficult dear one for we know you struggle with feeling at home on the earth. It is your temporary home dear one and we wish for you to experience it as such. However, when we say we wish for you to experience it we do not mean to say that you are meant to endure the sufferings of earthly living. We wish for you to utilize your sensitivity to create a more healed earth. Dear one, in time you shall see that sensitivity will be honored and respected. You will be one that will be sought after for more information as you are receiving all the time.

Can you explain what happened to me at the health fair I was at?

It goes back to your sensitivity dear one. You are forgetting that we have you hibernate to protect the magnificent energy that you are. When you place yourself in the middle of a fair with people of all backgrounds; therefore, all frequencies of vibration you are not open solely to the person you are reading, but you are open to everyone in the room. So if there were 30 people present you were receiving information from 30 people and you would be receiving information from 80 if there were 80. You were over stimulated dear one …over stimulated by energies. That is how heightened in awareness you are. Notice that many humans are immune to that energy and easily fall into what is prevalent on your planet. It is important for you to know that your ability to rise above the prevalent energy on your planet is of great importance to you and your work. You have removed yourself from living as other humans do upon your earth; however, you have kept one foot in it as necessary to assist in your mission to turn people’s lights on. We encourage you to know that you are different from many and it is exactly as it should be. While it may be difficult for you dearest EstaRa, it is simply what you have chosen in order to create the world in love.

Inspirational Snippet: The Power to Change Someone's World

I opened up my facebook page and saw that Whitney Houston had died. (Oddly I know, often that is my source of news since I don’t watch television.) Everyone is commenting how sad it is and saying rest in peace; and providing all the appropriate comments that one does when some leaves this lifetime. As I sit here, I feel such interesting emotions. I wonder why all these people were so touched by this soul and only share openly their feelings when she died. I wonder why it is that someone has to die before people can recognize the beauty of a soul. It is as if when a person dies, they receive this honor of being accepted, loved and respected. It is as if it is only possible to see the light of someone when they die. Quite often when the person is alive, they go unnoticed (particularly in the media) and are not acknowledged unless of course there is some sort of scandal occurring.

Teach one another that where attention is focused is what they receive. Even if the attention is on someone else, you are all powerful and make impact upon their life.—Masters of Light.

After I saw the comments, I googled Whiney Houston to see what happened; the articles I read said drugs had overtaken her world after 2009 and it destroyed her career and ultimately her. Her cause of death is unknown. Is it? I mean, is her cause of death not lack of love? They described her as: beautiful, promising, hopeful and the queen of music until her addiction took a toll on her success. Why? I know some of you reading this may be thinking, isn’t it obvious. The thing is we need to start changing things pretty quickly in the world as I am seeing it more clearly than I ever have. Perhaps if the love that is being showered upon her with the ending of her life were showered upon her prior to her death; maybe she would not be dead at age 48.

Unfortunately, love is not often what is showered on people particularly people in the media. (At this moment, I speak only of the people in the media, but the reality is that you will find that this is true even on the small scale in our personal lives.) As soon as someone steps into the spotlight, their entire world is on display, but it isn’t often focused upon her beauty, her promises of a great career; it is often focused upon the gossip, the not being good enough, the tiny details that really in retrospect have little matter in the world with the exception of making someone else look better. It isn’t news to say: “her voice is so beautiful. I wish to send her some love because she looks to be going through something. Let’s unite together to assist her through these difficult times.” Instead, it is news to find some kind of “dirt” on someone and make them feel less than. We have this whole competition energy on our planet that needs to shift. It is the competition energy that focuses people’s attention upon the negatives to raise themselves up.

This is one of the greatest problems on the planet at this time and it is so ingrained in human society that even children are raised to compete at an early age whether it is sibling rivalry or upon entrance into school systems. Dear ones, this needs to change. –Masters of Light

(I am not saying everyone is this way as I have learned to step away from the media as have many of you, but quite a few people do buy into it; otherwise, our media would be focusing attention upon different things.)

Media in your world is not evil or negative. It is your creation, dear ones. In essence, it means it is what each of you is projecting collectively thereby creating it in your reality. Can it be changed? Yes, dear ones, it can be changed when you are ready to see that you have the power to change what you are projecting. Then you will empower yourselves to choose to create a different kind of media. One that focuses on love and empowerment rather than one that focuses upon fear and struggle.—Masters of Light

I wonder how we can be so “upside down” in our thinking. I mean all these outpourings of love from society now that she is gone are useless really. I think the time she needed to hear these magnificent things about her was when she was alive; perhaps her knowing that she was valuable and important to this world would have changed the direction of her life. Clearly, her choices showed a lack of love in her life and maybe reminding her while she was alive that she was loved by simply being and sharing her voice, her gift to the world.

It reminds me of something my mom told me a long time ago. We were driving to the cemetery to put flowers on my grandmother’s grave. My mom said, “don’t put flowers on my grave when I die, especially if you don’t bring them to me when I am alive and I can appreciate them.” That was something that always stuck with me. I don’t think my mom realized exactly what she said at the time, and perhaps I didn’t even get it at the time; but I understand it now. Flowers like words should be given when someone is alive; for then people not only enjoy the beauty of them, but feel the love too.

My wish is to know I am loved now, not when I am gone. My wish for you is to speak your words of love and appreciation to those you feel it for as you feel it; and, may you to receive the same back. You never know what could change someone’s world; just know you have the power to do so now.

My love to you,
EstaRa

Day 24: Do Your Homework

Okay, yes, it is day 24 and I have not written a blog about my twin in four days. I have been in a funk and really tired. Unfortunately, I feel very sleepy tonight too. But I was talking with a friend earlier who was "yelling" at me to write. (I put that in quotes as she was not really yelling at me; it was more like doing what I told her to do...holding me accountable for my blogging.)

So here I am writing tonight. Lots of things happen all the time with me and my twin which I perhaps deem unnoteable (is that even a word?), but the truth is many people would be completely amazed with some the experiences and I plan to write about them more as I go because my guides are emphasizing the importance of my keeping the faith and hence doing my homework.

I was out of faith earlier this week and then jumped back the last day and a half. I love him that is the one thing I know to be true. Everything else like when, where, how, what will happen is up in the air so to speak. I feel soon, but as I learned several years ago soon has a whole different meaning to me. By the way, just in case you don't know...I don't like the word patience and that was the message I got all week. Okay, it has been a long day and I am off to bed...going to join my twin's energy. Each night since Wednesday, I have gone to bed feeling as if he is wrapped around me and it is has if he is there holding me until the morning when it is time to wake up and work. It is not the same as a human body next to you, but a spiritual connection will be comforting and wonderful tonight.

Inspirational Snippet: Within Your Reach

Happy Weekend Everyone,

I saw this quote in my inbox this morning and it really inspired me to share it with you.

“Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach.”--Clarissa Pinkola Estes

I love this quote because of what it says about “within our reach”. We often look at the really big picture when the only thing we have control over is ourselves, the life we live and the dreams we with to achieve. The part of the world that is within your reach is you! You can only change (or fix to use the word above) you. As a result of your changes, you will reach out to the people within your circle and it will expand out word. I have always said my mission was to “Promote H.O.P.E (Healing Our Planet Earth) one person at a time through turning on the lights.” That is and has been my mission for the last ten years of my life. I am sure you are wondering what that has to do with the above quote. I have chosen to assist individuals to turn their lights on by balancing their life through their spirit. I've always known that it takes each of us to look within to create the changes we wish to see in the greater world. My belief is that you cannot have world peace if we don’t know what peace is within ourselves individually. I wish you each the ability to have peace within you for only then can we achieve world peace. As I type this, my guides are saying it is possible and now is the time to achieve that. Energetically—we are closer than we have ever been.

Today, my wish for you is to look at your life and mend the parts within you necessary to make the changes that you seek. My love goes out to each and every one of you as we enter this time of transition and change. I know it is happening…I see it, feel and experience each time I leave my little cocoon of a home.

Blessings and love,
EstaRa

Day 20: Days of Doubting

Yesterday's title was going to be "I got nothing." The truth is that I had something. It was Superbowl Sunday yesterday and when I woke up in the morning, I just stayed in bed an laid there thinking. I was wondering does my twin think of me the same way I think about him? I wonder does he miss me as much as I miss him? Does he remember that last year this time we got together after Superbowl? I wondered if during the game last night, I crossed his mind even if he was with a bunch of people. I wondered if he thinks about me as often as he crosses my mind. I really almost got stuck in the thought--at first the thought was simply a thought and then a sadness grew and I got up told my friend that I wanted to spend Superbowl Sunday in an absolutely different way than most people.

So, I decided it was Pamper April Day--it should become a national holiday really. So, we went out to have pedicures and then we watched a Lord of the Rings marathon. Besides, Aragorn from Lord of the Rings could help anyone take their mind off of the current situation or sadness; even if it is a twinflame thing. That writing never happened nor did it happen on Monday either, but this morning I started to write again.

It is night time and I didn't get this out this morning like I intended as I had other things happening. I have had so many doubts come up over the last week. I really need a sign...a different one than the 11's. I need something more than this inner knowing because even that is becoming doubted at this point in time. Perhaps it has something more to do with this energy of the full moon. Perhaps the doubting comes from that. Wherever, it comes from I have been feeling it stronger the past couple of days. And just to clarify--I do not doubt he is my twinflame--I will never doubt that: I do not doubt that he loves me--I will never doubt that--the doubt lies in if this is ever gonna happen.

Well, I am about to go and take the most wonderful detoxing bath a person can take and then off for a meditation under this Leo Full Moon in Pisces. Till next time..

Day 18: Hanging On

This journey to keep the faith is probably at the most difficult time for me. I mean I have been hanging onto faith for nearly seven years now, but the last few weeks have been the hardest I must say. Now I understand why my guides wanted me to write everyday about my love about my twinflame and the love I know so deeply within me. That is the thing I do know our love so deeply within me; this 3D illusion is so difficult sometimes. I I woke this morning feeling like it is so difficult holding on waiting for him. I feel like I am not living and when I do live and do something I feel alone without him...it feels so trying at times. I just want it to all come together now. I have been living in the now and each year that has gone by I keep hearing hold on a little longer...what am I holding onto I ask myself some days. I wonder when we do come together am I going to have the energy needed to be with him or will I fall asleep.lol (I joke, but sometimes this journey has been so exhausting.

Then, I got up out of bed after all those thoughts ran through my head and some tears fell. I went into the kitchen and did my dishes from the night before and made some breakfast. I turned on the radio for what seems like a very long time--I use Pandora Radio (online) and started to listen to music and sing a bit and then as I was cooking breakfast I started to hear the lyrics..."hang on, help is on its way.. ." I thought to myself thank you my guides and angels for this message. It was needed and I trust that help is on its way to both me and my twin. Here is the song in case you were wondering...

Somedays, I need my twinflame like I need water. I mean in the other dimensions I am with him...it is only here in 3D that I do not have him in a daily part of my life. Thanks for listening....

Inspirational Snippet: Why On Earth Would Anyone Want to be Nothing?

Many of you know me well enough to know that I do not watch television. I have a tv in my apartment and yes I have the basic of basic cable which is no more than 6 channels (and yes, still have to pay for a cable box). The purpose of me having that cable is so that I can have internet. Apparently internet alone would be a minimum of $25 more per month than if I have both. Isn’t that interesting how we are forced to have something we have no use for? Hmmm…a concept for all of you to ponder.

I’ve noticed that since I have a tv, I will put a DVD in every once in awhile. Then occasionally when the movie is out, I may see that the tv has a rerun of a tv show that I enjoy and I may watch it from time to time, but truly that is the extent of my tv watching. I mean I can literally go days, even week s without turning the tv on. (I know some of you cannot even imagine it!) I preface today’s snippet with the above to give you a context of where I am coming from. And so, the following quote is from Barbara Marciniak’s book: The Path of Empowerment (A Pleiadian Channeled book ) Yep, I was reading again. (By the way, Pleiadians are star beings much like my Guides the Arcturians.) Onto the snippet:

“The media captures your attention and then programs your imagination, essentially canceling out your unique creative drive to manifest your own reality as well as your desire to know yourself. You have been conditioned to believe that all you need to know can be found in the wonderful world of electronic boxes and the information and the entertainment they hold. A paralysis of power takes hold because you become convinced that the only reality is one that is described and prescribed by the authorities in the box. Reality is created by each and every one of you…”

I loved this passage and wanted to share it with you for it speaks loudly of your ability to create your reality, but first you have to realize the impact media has on you. Last week happened to be one of those times that I attempted to turn the tv on to watch a rerun of a program (the Big Bang theory just because it is funny and I actually find myself laughing out loud when I watch). A commercial came on the screen and it was the following: A very unhealthy looking woman (extremely skinny—you could actually see her bones) was in an advertisement saying the following: I went from a size 8 to a size 0. I was horrified. I couldn’t believe it! It actually prompted me to text a couple of friends about it and talk about it with a few people over the past week.

First, the woman looked completely unhealthy physically. Second, since when is zero the optimum size to be? Third, the biggest message I found was this: when I went to school and learned math (even basic addition and subtraction) I remember if you have 8 and take away 8 then what is left is zero, in other words, nothing. Why on earth would anyone want to be nothing? And finally, I think the shock took over because I am not a tv watcher and it came across as truly disturbing to someone who is not influenced by media (someone who sees clearly). What a distorted image our media is putting out there?

Now, I realize that some of you watch tv, see the models and what is going on out in the world today on a regular basis and think nothing of it (often because you have become immune to the media) but please think something of it. Immune to the media means that you have accepted what is out there as truth and what is even more disturbing is that your “imagination is being programmed” by media verus allowing your own imagination to flower. The thing that scares me the most about that commercial is that in reality some (if not many) women strive for that; perhaps not to be a size zero, but they strive to be anything but what they are.

Ladies, you are perfect and beautiful as you are. The message from today’s snippet that I really want you to take is “Reality is created by each and every one of you!” That means you each have the power to see the truth and create your reality. You can help change the reality we see by way of your thoughts and by choosing not to be programmed by the media (simply turn off the tv). Remember television and movies are only the “creator’s perception” (that is, the person who created the movie, commercial or tv show). Hmmm…something else for you to ponder: perhaps our thoughts and imagination should influence the creator not the other way around? Or as a society, perhaps we need to examine our thoughts so that the creator picks up a much healthier influence from us?

My wish for you today is that you turn off the tv and create your reality from within your heart not from what is being fed to you by way of the “box”. I wish for you to strive to be anything, but zero. (That was the most horrifying message I think I have seen in sometime.)

Day 17:

It is the eve of day 17 so close to day 18 that I have to finish writing pretty quickly. I missed out on writing yesterday and this morning too. (Really busy schedule, but I didn't forget really.)

I wanted to share something from yesterday. As I worked on a couple of clients, I kept feeling my twinflame's presence, but I was working so I couldn't connect with him. Then later in the day, I felt him again and had the opportunity to connect with him. I felt him, but could not connect. I wasn't sure why. It made me really sad to think I can feel him, but can't connect to him.

I had to ask my guides what was happening. This is the answer they gave me: You and your twinflame are at different vibrational levels at this now time. You are such high vibration and he is still at a lower vibration. While he is working in the higher dimension to raise his 3D self to a higher vibration--he is not able to be experienced by you in the same way because you are of higher vibration. It simply means that you are being protected from his human drama. (I get this! I get this! It means that I am at such a high vibrational level that I am being protected from being pulled into lower vibrations where I could potentially get stuck; and therefore, inhibit my ascension. It also helped me to understand why I was able to have such power in telling him that I could not speak with him until he was ready; hence why we are not talking at this moment.) Unfortunately, the lower vibrational energy wins in this case and would pull me down to his vibrational level which could cause all kinds of ickyness. Meaning, I would feel all the emotions and drama that he is going through in his current life, etc and I would get pulled into the emotions and not know if they are mine or his. That is a "symptom"of the twinflame connection: you feel all their stuff and sometimes don't realize it is theirs and not yours until well after you expend a lot of emotion, energy and frustration. It helped give me perspective as to why I didn't feel him and why I am not speaking with him at present. (Just in case you are wondering--he will catapult up to my vibration when he takes that leap of faith to trust his heart.) Now, I understand this and am quite grateful for this tidbit of information, but please all of you remind me of this when I am feeling the disconnect again and have forgotten this reason. (I know, I know, you would think I wouldn't forget such things, but I do especially when I allow myself to get caught up in the longing for him...so I am just asking for a little reminder. hahaha)

Now, once I got that out and understood, I had an experience with him today. I went to my first ever painting class. I loved it! I have never painted before in my life; but my spirit was calling for the opportunity to do such. The opportunity showed itself to me and I took hold of it. Now, I am not a Picasso or anything, but I think I did good. Here is a picture of my painting..

I went to the art studio and while I was there I felt him. He was with me and I felt like this is something we could do together. I loved every minute of it. By the way, the place I went to paint at had a problem with their cd changer; it kept playing the same songs over and over. The one song that I heard at least 3-4 times was Up Where We Belong by Joe Cocker. The lyrics that kept playing that I caught were:
Who knows what tomorrow brings
In a world where few hearts survive
All I know is the way I feel
When it's real
I keep it alive

The road is long
There are mountains in the way
But we climb a step every day

I really felt like those words were for us. It is to help me keep my feelings alive (faith alive for who knows when the surprise will come with him at my doorstep). Then the mountains--that is his life and his spirit letting me know he climbs a step each day even if it is taking him some time.

Well, I am tired an ready to go to sleep and guess what time it is? If you said 11:11 p.m.--you guessed it. I am grateful for my twin peeking in on me energetically even if I can't talk to him like I would like. Regardless, he was with me today. Thank you my beautiful beloved man. I am grateful for all of you who support me with your love and faith in me and my journey. Laptop about to die...off to bed I go...sweet dreams...

Inspirational Snippet: Endurance

This morning I woke up and was about to make a cup of tea when on the box I saw a picture of a horse and the word next to it was Endurance. I thought for a moment, what does that mean? Why did I see this today when the box has been here for some time? I read the box and it said the following quote:

“With her enduring strength and unrivaled perseverance, the horse demonstrates to us that even the heaviest of burdens can be carried with grace.”

I made my cup of tea and sat down to get ready to write the message for the day on my Soul Star Healing facebook page and asked what does this mean for me? I thought about it. Then I opted to look up online what the word endurance means and the definition is the ability for a human or animal to exert itself and remain active for a long period of time, as well as its ability to resist, withstand, recover from, and have immunity to trauma, wounds, or fatigue. Wow! I do not like that definition.

I feel such a negative reaction to this word. It makes me feel as if we are being told we must endure something (like the heaviest of burdens as noted above). I don’t think we are meant to endure burdens; that is an old way of thinking and living. I feel we are meant to live, experience and heal; but we are not meant to suffer and withstand pain. If a wound occurs, then that is a sign that we must look at ourselves and heal it; not accept it and take no action. Everything is within our power to change. The quote above implies to me that we are supposed to carry our burdens; and act as if we don’t have burdens we are carrying. It reminds me of something I experienced in when I went to therapy many years ago. I was dealing with some personal stuff and the therapist told me to put it in a box and close it up and we will talk about it next week. Really? I don’t know about you, but life happens and that box always had a way of opening up and coming out in life—believe me it didn’t stay sealed. As I type this, I realize that the therapist at the time actually was saying the same thing as the tea box above said. As a side note, that is when I stopped going to therapy and really began healing my life by way of knowing I needed to feel things to heal and not just talk about them. I am grateful to the therapist for the first step in any healing process is to verbalize and acknowledge it, but then something must be done to heal it, not box it up.

The thing is if you feel you can’t share your burdens with your friends then I would recommend reevaluating your relationships. It doesn’t mean dumping your stuff on them; it simply means sharing and allowing you to be who you are. Friends are people you choose to love unconditionally and they are chosen because they love you unconditionally, at least that is my definition of friendship. Friends are supposed to be there for you through it all; often that is when you become aware of who is really your friends and who is simply there for only the good times. You are not meant to endure life’s difficulties alone, we are all one and with that being said we are here for one another and sometimes life doesn’t graceful, but it can be most graceful if we allow ourselves to experience life, heal those things that come up and realize that we are not victims that have to carry our burdens alone. We can change everything, we do have the power. I would much prefer to define endurance as the ability to live a long and fulfilling life.

My wish for you today is to know you have friends in your life that help you to make your life more graceful by simply knowing that you can be completely who you are with them and they love you no matter what the circumstance is. My mantra for you today is that I live fully, love unconditionally and heal my life.

Be love,
EstaRa

Day 15: 2.0.12

I woke up this morning with my beloved's energy around me. I dreamed of him last night, but it was a weird dream. It didn't feel real, it felt like a regular dream (you know the mishmashness of things) because when I really dream of him and we have an important conversation with information I need to know there is always something that tells me it is a real connection with him. The way I know is that we always make love in our dreams firstthen talk about important things happening in his life and in my life. Incredible really--but haven't had one of those dreams in sometime. This morning's dream was just plain weird really. But that is not my topic for this post.

It occurred to me that today is 2-1-2012 and one month from this date I will be turning 40!! OH MY!! I can't believe, the last ten years of my life flew by. I have to say the years prior went awfully slow in comparison as I was vibrating at a lower energy level than I am today. Everyone is talking to me about turning 40 and how it should be a big bash or some kind of celebration and well I am thinking truthfully I would be happy alone at dinner with my twinflame, having my favorite Gluten free birthday cake, his arms around me and perhaps some roses from him. That is my birthday wish to be with him. However, in human world, I don't know if that will happen, but one can hope, right?

Instead, I may plan a dinner out with girlfriends or a quiet evening in with girlfriends. I haven't made that decision yet, but I know I need to do something for it! I know that if for some reason my twinflame doesn't show himself to me on my b-day (by the way, I say that because remember, we are not talking at present.) then I don't want to be alone. I don't feel old and I don't feel like I am going to be 40. I think I look pretty good and younger than what I think 40 should look like, but then again, I don't really think 40 has a look. It is weird to think of me turning that age as I didn't imagine that I wouldn't be with my beloved. (Always thought I would be with him at 37 --that is what I knew to be the truth when I was 7 years old.) Of course, that information was clarified to me last year that because some people are lightworkers with their lights flickering between on and off and not staying on impacted the timeline for many things including the reunion of the twins.

Anyway, I don't want to get stuck on the fact that he is not here, but I do want to fantasize a bit on him surprising me in the month of February. I wish for him to call me (unblocking his number of course--long story may share that at some point!) and tell me that he is ready and he is coming to me. He just needed to call to have my new address. I also wish for him to show up at my door with a rose (it can be one he even picks up at an all night gas station) and upon opening my door he tells me, "I remember. I remember now. I love you. I can't imagine my life without you in it. I have spent way too much time imagining life without you and I never want to do that again,. Tell me you still love me and want me." In which, I reply, "Of course dear man, I have always loved you from the first moment we spoke. I will always love you to our last breath. You are my beloved and I am yours eternally." Okay...that was the short quick birthday fantasy. Will keep you all posted on what happens and if it happens that way...of course him just showing up would be grand too...the words can always come later....just to taste his lips once again...

Quickly though, the optimism about the month of February is rising...I feel anticipation of what is to come....